Real Neighbors

This is a time when we all need real neighbors. I, for one, had begun to believe that real neighbors didn’t exist. I mean, not like the neighborly neighbors of times gone by. My neighbors and I wave at each other when passing by in our cars, or say the “how you doing?” when we happen to meet at the mailbox at the same time but that’s it. We all work various hours and the rat race sets the pace of our lives for socializing. At least that was true until the recent Corona-virus crisis.

My neighbor diagonal across the street walked over from her driveway to mine. I spoke to her by name and wondered what was up. She told me she was a pediatric nurse by profession, and if I ever needed anything related to my children, day or night, not to hesitate to come and get her. She told me her work hours and our conversation turned to how long she had been living on our street. It turned out that she had been living on the street for many years; she knew all the neighbors from before we moved on the street.

After our conversation at the mailbox, I went inside to share all that I had learned with my mother. Turns out, my mom is a pretty good neighbor herself. She knew many of the people currently on the street by name, as well as their family makeup and health conditions. In fact, she had been a rescuer for our neighbor directly across the street. He had been up on his roof cleaning gutters when his ladder fail leaving him stuck on the roof for hours. Thankfully for him, my mom came home from from errands; he was able to call to her. She went over, put the ladder back in place, and held it until he was able to climb down to the ground. Needless to say, they have been good neighbors ever since.

One of my grandchildren’s other grandma’s lives in our neighborhood. She called me one day completely beside herself; her little dog had disappeared from her yard. She lives alone and her dog is a big company keeper for her. I assured her that Harley would show up. The weather had been so crazy I figured he was chasing a squirrel or rabbit and would show up sooner or later. Harley did not show up that night. Members of her family had searched the neighborhood calling for the dog. Two days later one of her neighbors, that she did not know, brought Harley home. The neighbor had heard about her despair; she too searched for Harley and found him. Needless to say there was much joy as well as a new friendship established.

Why do we need crisis to become good neighbors? (I certainly am convicted.) I mean it’s great that we do it doing these times, but I want to be a good neighbor all the time. If I’m to busy to spend time getting to know people who live right around me, then I’m simply too busy! Nothing (here I mean no things) can be more important than people. My personal investments are off when all my time is spent chasing the rat. It’s time to make a change! To borrow a slogan from an insurance commercial, “Like a good neighbor,” I want to be there! What about you? How’s your neighborly thermometer? Cold or hot?

Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers
The definitive biography of Fred Rogers, children’s television pioneer and American cultural icon, an instant New York Times bestseller  Amazon.com

a picture book on sharing, kindness, and working as a team for ages 4-8 available on Amazon.com

Purposeful Remembering

Today I found out that some one I care about has died. I knew they were sick, but I didn’t know how bad it was. It saddens me that I missed his last days thinking that I had more time. Yet, I am content knowing that we had the time to know one another and care for one another – time well spent. That’s where purposeful remembering comes in. Now I am going to take the time over the next few days to remember his investment into my life – how we laughed, how we discussed scripture, how we enjoyed good food, how we walked together, sharing companionship without words. I will remember his fatherhood toward me when I needed it the most.

As I writer, it important to me to capture the precious moments of everyone that touches my life. I especially want to internalize their voices. ( This is one of the reasons behind my book: Our Voices . . .) The words that people leave with us are like little treasures. Their words add richness to our way of life, and our way of thinking, whether it’s wisdom, truth, or disagreement. Even lies have an impact on how we think and feel about a topic. People leave something of themselves with us through the things that they say to us, and those things take root in one way or another – emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually.

Remembering in this way is very purposeful. It makes the people you miss live on in your heart and mind. It’s like walking down the lane with a friend. (Now that’s a country reference for you city kids. The lane is the road that leads to a friend or relative’s house where there are no sidewalks and sometimes no paving.) This memory walk makes you smile, makes you cry, makes you laugh, and makes you enjoy the fellowship all over again. Then if you take the time to write them down (diary, journal, scrap book notes with pictures), they are never lost.

My life has been so enriched by people of so many generations. (I’m not just talking about those who have died. Everyday I enjoy the lives of four and five years-old’s, and it’s true they say “the darn-est things.” I also get to spend time with my elders, persons 20 to 30 years older than me. ) I don’t ever want to loose those encounters. I won’t allow myself to forget the valuable experiences I’ve shared. The impact of true relationships is too important to me. The time invested in real relationships is well worth it during the time spent and afterwards. (See “Personal Investments,” Jan. 16th.)

I will share these times with others along the way. That’s part of the purposeful remembering too. Sharing memories with others allows us to expand our knowledge of an individual, because relationship dynamics vary depending on the people involved. The thing that means the most to me may not be reminiscent with your knowledge of that person at all. Sharing will allow us to enjoy and experience that person anew. Like, “Wow, I never knew that!” I’m already smiling just thinking about that. I know this will happen when I go over to the family home of my friend and we begin sharing our memories.

No one should have to say the words, “Don’t forget me!” because we should be mark an effort to remember those we love by being purposeful in keeping them near and dear to our hearts.

My Pen Remembers

My pen speaks of cool summer
Days, baseball in the rain
And your warm wrinkled face
Those fertile rows of wisdom carved
Over time and tilled by the plows
Of segregation and degradation
Yet you smiled.

My pen speaks of wood burning stoves
Black-eyed kittens and the sweet smell
Of gardens planted by your creased cracked
Fingers; a day of hard labor
At a house not your own nor could you enter
Yet you sang.

My pen speaks of overalls of faded denim
And plaid red flannel shirts soft upon your
Frail frame; still working after seventy years
Of being called boy and never a man
Sowing seeds of hope in several generations
Through the long dark days
Yet you found laughter

My pen is silenced by the sound of your love
That still warms my heart and stirs my memories
And calls me to be better because you endured.
What can’t be captured on paper is captured in my heart
So I smile, I sing, I laugh,
And I lay my pen down.

available Amazon.com

Delayed Gratification Has its Advantages

We have come to expect so many things to come quickly, almost instantly, so delayed gratification doesn’t sound very appealing. Yet, some things are worth waiting for. Like when my mom makes a crushed pineapple bread pudding, it’s worth the wait. Sure I could go to the local grocery store and purchase something engrossed in plastic and start eating it as soon as I get in the house, but it couldn’t hold a candle to my mother’s homemade dessert.

There’s something to be said for those things that take time to earn, to win, to create, or experience – things like earning a college degree, planning your wedding, earning the respect of your colleagues for your accomplishments, completing your first novel, having a baby, buying your first house or renting your first apartment. There are so many more things in life that require time to accomplish and appreciate. Not to mention becoming the best you, you can be. It takes time to discover who you want to be.

The reasons for delayed gratification vary, but they become important milestones – milestones that define the seasons of our lives. Whether we want to admit it or not, there are some things we just wouldn’t be able to handle if they arrived instantly. If we are in our season of immaturity, we may not be able to sustain or maintain the goal, accomplishment, or achievement intellectually or financially. If things come too quickly or without any effort, we may not be in a season to appreciate its value. After all, if it’s really worth a lot, why did it come so easily we may think, and of course the answer to that question comes after we loose it.

Those of us who have reached a certain level of maturity need to explain to the younger crowd the advantages of delayed gratification. Some of them are under great stress because they are trying to accomplish in a year or two what took their parents 10, 15, 20 years to accomplish. In this age of technology it may not take that long, but milestones still take time. Stability takes time. Quality takes time. Longevity takes time. These are the advantages of delayed gratification. My grandmother used to say, “Anything worth having should be worth keeping!” That takes us right back to maintaining and sustaining, and don’t we want to maintain good relationships, great occupations, excellent reputations, lasting legacies. I certainly do!

Delayed gratification gives me something to look forward such as: date night, my next book, fellowship with friends and family. It gives me purpose, the drive to go for the goal. It’s how I set my priorities for my work schedule, my personal investments, and bucket filling (refer to previous blogs). It’s how I plan for both short term and long term goals like writing, traveling, and self-care. It’s an accepted way of life, because even those things that seem instant really aren’t. (Just asked all those designers who make Google work for us!)

Well, I have to leave this thought with you because I’m about to leave for a date that I’ve been waiting for all week. The delay for that is over! What’s on your delayed gratification list? What was or is the advantage of waiting? Come share, we’re waiting!

Achieve Breakthrough Using Delayed Gratification by [Master Resale Rights]
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In order to receive the most possible gratification from something we must first learn to hold off on instant rewards. This may seem like a hard task to accomplish for many people. With a little practice and the use of these helpful steps, waiting for the big prize will become a walk in the park.

The Face of Favors

Don’t you just hate when certain people say, “Hey, would you do me a favor?” Fight or flight syndrome kicks right in because you know when that person says favor all the give and take is on your end. It’s like when certain people say, “Can you loan me xyz dollars?” Why can’t they just say, “Can you give me xyz dollars?” because they know pay back is not a part of the deal.

I’m of the mindset that our friendship or our family relationship should be close enough for us to be helping each other all the time. For example, if I’m in the market and I see cherries on sell, I buy some for my best friend because I know she loves them as much as I do. If I go to a seminar and get some information that I think may be helpful to someone else I know, I take some screen shots and send that person the info. This is not a one way street. My closest friends and family buy books, fruit, and royal blue things (my favorite color) for me all the time. Why? Because when you have a true relationship with someone their best interest is in your heart. When you care for someone, little things will make you think about them; commonalities make their names pop into your conscious stream of thought from time to time throughout the day/week/month.

So when certain people ask for favors or money, I can’t help but think where are their special relationships? Where are those close family members and friends that they hang with when they need something? How did I get to be their go-to person in their hour of need?

Seriously, I don’t mind doing favors for people or even loaning money when I have it, but it strikes me strange when I only hear from certain people when I’m needed in some kind of way! Is it too much to ask that our relationship should have more depth than that? I guess I’m saying the favors should have the face of real friends and family. Of course, it depends on the need – the favor being asked.

Not very long ago, a friend who lives in Tennessee called me. She said she received a request from me for money via social media. The request said I had been injured while out of town and needed money to get back home. Apparently, the request was for a substantial amount. Being my friend, she wanted to help in any way that she could so she called me immediately. Needless to say, it was a scam! Yet, it must be a scam that works! Someone must be sending money based on this request without checking with the individual making the request. My friend in Tennessee said she couldn’t picture me sending this kind of request via social media. She couldn’t picture my face asking for this kind of favor so impersonally, and I was so glad she didn’t. I was also glad that we had spent enough time getting to know one another that she could not be duped by such a scam.

Perhaps we should all take more time in establishing real relationships. Perhaps social media has interfered with our ability to truly get to know people. I mean, we have a lot of acquaintances and associates, but do we have true friends/true family? Even blood family isn’t as close as they once were! Sometimes it seems like family only gets together for funerals and weddings, and even that depends on which family member it is. Yet, in the time of need, we call on the ones who are most likely to come through despite any real personal connection.

So here it is. Ask me for a favor. and I’ll ask you for time – time to know you better, time to really invest in your life, time for you to invest in mine, time to cultivate a real relationship. Who knows, after we spend some real time together maybe we will meet one another’s needs without ever having to ask for a favor? Perhaps, your face will be present in my heart and pop into my mind on a regular basis. One day, I just may call you up and ask you can I do something for you before you ever get a chance to ask for a favor. The face of that favor will be friendship!

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Expressing Love

Do we really need one day in the year when we express our love in some extraordinary way? I’m not anti-holiday, but some of them really irk me because they seem to be an excuse for us to perpetrate something that we really don’t believe or feel. (Like Thanksgiving and Mother’s day, and yes, Valentine’s Day). Seriously, do I really want to wait for an annual day to express my love and thankfulness to the people that mean the most to me all year round?

At the beginning of the school year, someone gave me a calendar. This particular calendar has all the special days of every month. Things like National Ice Cream Day and the Big Red Dog’s Birthday (a children’s book character), and I Love Donuts Day. Some of the days are considered national holidays, while other days are historical in nature. I think the calendar is supposed to help you incorporate themes in your lesson plans. Perhaps it’s meant to build in some excitement for learning in the children; I’m not sure! Nevertheless, everyday seems to be a reason to have a party, decorate a room, and buy a Hallmark Card. It’s so artificial! All these special days make no sense to me.

I don’t need a special holiday to enjoy ice cream or my pet. I don’t need a special day to read a good author or to re-watch my favorite movie. I don’t need to be reminded to be thankful for all that I have once per year, since I’ve learned to be thankful everyday. I don’t need a special day to appreciate having my mother in my life when I know so many who wish they had their mom for one more day. And I certainly, don’t need any pressure to love my husband, my children, my family, or my friends one special day of the year.

Expressing love should be an ongoing activity! Love is and action, not just an event! The expression of love is not in the big things once per year, but in all the little things all year long. I love to kiss my husband on top of his bald head everyday. I love to go into my mother’s bedroom to watch and talk about the cooking shows. I love to lock my granddaughter out of the truck every time I pick her up from dance or work just to hear her complain and laugh. I love to send my friends and family text messages that say “Good Morning” or “Good Night!” I love to send my adopted nieces and nephews scripture encouragements. I love to send my sons YouTube songs that may inspire or bring cheer to them. I love to send my grandson books in the mail and I love to throw my dog a treat bone. To put it simply, I love to express my love while I can, because the day may come when I can’t.

I used to ask my grandmother why she went to church so much. She said she wanted to go faithfully while she was able, because the day would come when she wouldn’t be able to go. She said then she wouldn’t feel bad or guilty because she would know she did all she could when she was able. Later, blindness and Alzheimer’s stole her ability to go to the place that she loved, but I felt peace in knowing that she had given it all she had when she was able. This is the way I see our opportunity to express love.

I have no idea where I will be on the next Valentine’s Day, (For that matter, I have no idea where I will be tomorrow, or next week, or next month.) but I do know that I don’t want anyone that I love to wonder whether I truly loved them or not. While I am able I will find ways to express my love as often as I possibly can. If the day should come when I am unable to move, unable to buy a card, or say a word, I will not feel bad or guilty because I will have expressed my love in every possible way I could think of when I was able. There shall be no doubt among those that I love, that I loved them well.

If you must celebrate these national and historic days on the calendar, let it be an add-on to what you’re already doing all the days of the year. If you do this, no one will ever wonder if you were perpetrating; they will know the sincerity of your heart. In fact, why not make up your own calendar of special days to express your love! By the way, I love sharing my blog with you!

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Self-Care, a Non-Negotiable

Why is it when you say self-care to most people they start talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, man caves, and nights out with the girls/boys? I’m for all of that, but these things are not self-care; they are rewards. In some cases, it’s more stressful to fit these things into your schedule which defeats the purpose of self-care. Self-Care should prevent stress or at least mange it. That’s why self-care should be non-negotiable. After all, how can we be our very best selves if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. How do you define self-care?

Here’s my take on it. Self-Care encompasses all those things which keep you (or get you to the point of) health: physically, mentally, and spiritually. These include things like rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, intellectual stimuli/input, exercise (especially stretches), healthy relationships, and spiritual enrichment. In other words, self-care is taking care of your authentic self – the you without the masks of your business or social personas. It’s the things that make you thrive; the things that bring you joy, peace, comfort, and health. Wow! That’s a mouthful!

What I’m trying to get at is, we don’t pay enough attention to taking care of ourselves. We spend so much of our time taking care of others that we become the last man on the totem pole. So our families, our co-workers, our civic, community, and church responsibilities all get taken care of while we fall apart in every area of our lives. Unfortunately, I speak from experience. One day I realized my health on every level (physically, mentally, and spiritually) was deteriorating because all of my attention was focused on helping everyone else, even when they really didn’t need or accept my help.

Self-Care has to become a non-negotiable. Hopefully, this realization comes before it’s too late – before the heart attack, before the overwhelming depression, before the loss of good relationships you needed to nurture, before dreams and life goals suffer, and before you lose yourself completely. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself? Is my lifestyle making me miserable? Is it because my life takes the backseat to everyone else’s life?

Even if you have suffered some losses as I have, you can start where you are. Begin a self-care regiment and make it a priority! Get enough sleep and rest. Don’t just fit it in where you can, make it a precedent. Eat nutritious meals at regular intervals of the day and hydrate. (Red Bull and coffee is not a meal!) Your body needs fuel and rest to function properly. Feed your intellect and your spirit with truth and joy. Exercise your body and your mind. Surround yourself with wholesome relationships, people who share your interests and have your best interest at heart. Avoid takers! (That could be a topic in and of itself!)

As I work on my own self-care, I’m finding that I enjoy my life more. I look forward to the things that keep me healthy: reading a good book, enjoying my favorite fresh fruit (mangoes, and cherries), cooking specialty dishes (love my Food Network app) , listening to good music, spending time in prayer and meditation, taking a long walks, catching a nap after work, spending time with my friends, date night with my husband, lunch and conversation with my mom, writing, singing, solitude in my favorite places. My self-care may have come late, but it came just in time for me to enjoy my life and work toward my dreams and goals with real energy.

How’s your self-care? Is it on the back burner? Do you have time for yourself or are you so busy working and caring for others that there is no time for you? Has the needs of others negotiated your self-care away? Think about that image of the airline oxygen mask. Put your mask on first, then you can help someone else put on their’s. It’s not too late to save your life! Choose to be a healthy you. Make self-care a priority.

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Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life
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Silencing the Power of Stress

“Stress is not a silent killer, if you don’t believe me listen to your self-talk.” Several weeks ago I posted this phrase on my personal Facebook page, and I’ve been thinking about it this week. Many medical experts agree, stress will kill you. It causes insomnia, high blood pressure, irritability, digestive issues, and more, depending on the level and intensity of the stress. It also can kill your will to live your best life by casting shadows of doubt and despair over your goals, your relationships, and your creativity.

Stress seems to be quite a dangerous influence over our lives, but is that partly because we give stress more power with negative self-talk? That’s the thing I’ve been thinking about as I look for ways to control my own stress levels. In the same way that negative people can suck the life out of you with their constant diatribe of “what if’s,” and “that will never work,” and the ten thousand bad things that happened when someone they don’t even know tried that. Our own self-talk can have the same effect.

How many times have you said to yourself, “how could I have been so stupid? Or “look at the mess I’ve got myself into!” Or worst yet, “I’m never going to get out of this mess,” followed by a million things that could go wrong. The worry that comes with stress builds an anxiety for the unknown future that’s staggering. Our imagination seems to take that ball and run away with it. If you are like me, you discover that none of the “what if’s” ever really happen. Of course, this is after weeks of sleepless nights. Okay enough of the downside. I discovered one way to turn my stinking thinking around that I would like to share. (Actually it’s an additional way because everything I’ve written before helps too!) It’s called a Gratitude Journal.

A Gratitude Journal forces you to look at and think about all the good things that are happening in your life. This is an easy journal. You don’t write paragraphs; you make lists. For example, if you are feeling sad, try making a list of 25 to 50 things (actual things) that make you happy. Don’t try to find big, extravagant things, just the simple things like playing with your dog, smooching with your boo, a cup of hot chocolate – if it makes you smile it goes on the list.

Another way the Gratitude Journal can change your self-talk and negative thoughts is by making a list of the things you are grateful for. If your life is anything like mine, you have lots of the things to be thankful for that you don’t really take the time to think about. (Partly because you’ve moved some of those things to your bucket list to think about later.) For example: looking at the sky in various stages of light and darkness fills my bucket, I’m really thankful for house with skylights. I’m really thankful for a dog that doesn’t chew on things and doesn’t bark a lot. (I had a dachshund once that literally chewed the baseboard off the wall.) I’m so very thankful for a husband who let’s me be me and loves me.

The more bogged down in stressful thoughts you are, the longer your list should be. Try it! 50 things you are thankful for right now. Then you can take your Gratitude Journal up a notch by adding some pictures (photographs or magazine cut outs). You could also add quotes, perhaps something nice that you heard or read, or maybe something a loved one said to you.

Your Gratitude Journal is a great exercise just before bedtime. It moves your mind to a more joyful place which will help you rest and sleep. We all know that stressful thoughts love to show up when we lay our heard on the pillow. Its really important to replace those thoughts with positive ones and shut the negative down.

Last thing – add a screen shot of one of your Gratitude Journal pages to your phone, tablet, or computer wallpaper as a reminder that everything in your life isn’t difficult. Most of us have a lot more going on that’s good in our lives than bad, but we’re bent toward focusing on the problems. It’s time to focus on the pleasure. Let me know what you think and of keeping a Gratitude Journal. I’d love to know if it helps to make a positive difference in your life.

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Planning to Keep Up Rather than Catch Up

The game of catch up is a ridiculous game as far as I’m concerned.  I mean, once and opportunity passes you by do you really every catch another opportunity just like that one?  Or what about the overload of tasks on your to do list, do you ever really catch up on all those things so you can do what you truly want to do? 

Okay, so you missed the baby shower, but you’ll catch up with your friend before the baby is born. You missed the girls’ night out again, but there will be time when you finish the reports on your desk, Your body’s saying rest, but you only have three more projects to write before that pending deadline. You really can’t plan to catch up without something else coming up, and sometimes that’s because you never say “No”. After all you are the go to person in the family, on the job, in the club, everywhere. Just ask Sue, she never turns anybody down! Does this sound all too familiar?

Perhaps we need to take a different approach to planning our lives. I’ve got two suggestions. The first one is to put everything in your planner (or smart phone). Include your social activities, your down time, and your special plans right alongside your business and “have-to” appointments. I put everything on the calendar so that when someone asks me to do something whether work or pleasure I can look to see if I already have something in that slot. I treat my social and pleasure activities like a appointment because they are. They are appointments with myself and the people and things that are important to me. In the same way that I won’t let things interfere with my business appointments, I don’t let things interfere with my life appointments.

My granddaughter is graduating from high school this year.  We are very close and I’m going to miss her terribly when she goes off to college.  So I’ve made the choice to spend time with her whenever possible  – breakfast outings, shopping sprees, the ballet, special conferences and classes she needs transportation to – whatever allows us to have time together in the midst of our busy schedules. (She’s also a very active and overly committed person.)   In order to make these things happen I’ve had to turn down seminars, get-to-togethers with friends, teaching opportunities, and even some writing time.  True some of these opportunities won’t come around again until next year. Some may never come again, but I also know I won’t get these previous moments with my granddaughter again.  Its a matter of planning and priority for me, and right now she is a priority.

There will be other conferences and seminars. My friends, if they really are friends will not disappear on me.  I will always find time to write.  (Like right now in the middle of my bed with a slice of cheesecake.)   So I have no problem planning and prioritizing what I want to do. So my first suggestion is to put everything in your planning calendar that’s important to you. This will help you make the time and keep the time of your life events.

My second suggestion, you may have guessed by now, is to administer the word, “No!” To do list and busyness will never stop growing if you don’t know how to administer the word “no”.  Seriously, why do we feel bad when the answer is no? We don’t have to make excuses to turn things down, we just have to set our priorities, check our calendars, and our conscience and answer accordingly. “No, I don’t have time for that!” “No, I’m really not interested in doing that! ”  “I’m not available at that time, so the answer is no this time.” Now that didn’t hurt too much did it? You don’t have to be rude or harsh, just matter of fact. (I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of the word no from time to time. Were you understanding? Then others will understand your no’s too.)

Here’s the real questions: how much joy (bucket filling ) are we missing because we say yes to everything that comes along?  How often are we complaining on the inside because we aren’t doing what we really want to do? Are we missing the important events in our lives, like our children growing up, or spending time with our elderly family members, or rejuvenating our bodies with some healthy down time (personal investments)?    How often are we trying to play catch up with the people we love because our time has been stolen away by busyness?

That use to be me until I realized there’s no catching up!  I always planned to spend more time with my dad, but now he’s gone.  I really wanted to catch that Broadway play but I missed it.  Graduations, strolls in the park, midnight swims, seeing the new baby, taking that vacation – I was too overly committed to ever catch up.    Now I let my personal priorities take precedence over other people’s demands on my life! 

How about you?  What are you missing the things that mean so much to you?  Perhaps it’s time to start planning to keep up rather than play catch up.   It goes back to personal investments and filling your bucket (If you are new to these conversations, we covered these topics earlier, take a look back Jan 9th and 16th.) 2020 is a good time to start planning and prioritizing your life.

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Personal Investments

These days everyone is either involved in investments or interested in investments because investments offer a certain amount of security for the future. Of course, that depends on the value of your assets, although value is subjective I suppose. That’s why I want to talk about one of greatest commodities today – people. Now if you’ve been following me at all you knew I wasn’t going to talk about micro and macro-economics. Trust me, when you reach the crossroads between life and death your first thoughts will be about the people you love not the portfolio you had. Yes, I said had, because when you die it all goes to your beneficiaries or the state. (Side note: Have your stuff in order so the state doesn’t inherit your fortunes even if you have to give everything to charities.)

Several days ago I walked into a branch of my bank in another neighborhood. As I walked up to the teller he greeted me by name. That threw me off because I had never been in this branch before, and his face wasn’t one that I recognized. He proceeded to ask me if my mom was still with us. I replied in the affirmative so he asked how she was. By then I guess my strained response or more than likely the look on my face told him I was completely puzzled. Finally, he says, “You don’t remember me do you?” “I’m afraid not,” I said, “it’s the plague of getting old,” I smiled. He told me his name and the name of his sister. They had been students in a summer camp I used to own when they were small children. They came back every summer for three or four years he informed me. He went on to say how he remembered me playing with them and taking them on so many field trips. These were some of his best memories in childhood according to him. “You showed us the world of possibilities.” By this time, I was completely floored, pleased, and completely happy to be the recipient of such praise.

This young man had gone on to college and graduated with a degree in business. He was commercial loan officer at the bank filling in for an absent teller. We looked at pictures of his family and talked a little about the school his children attended. As I left, he said he was going to call his sister right away to tell her about me. Now you tell me, wasn’t that a wonderful payoff for my investment. Time and money well spent. Dividends still paying off for another generation.

This past holiday, I received a handwritten card by snail mail from a women I’ve known for more than 20 years. She lives on the west coast and we only see her every four or five years. I was so surprised to get this card; everyone I know sends greetings by text or social media; they certainly aren’t that personal. I was so touch by what she had written I called her immediately. We talked for more than an hour. It was great to reconnect with a long time friend. One thing she shared with me was her commitment to send personal notes, birthday cards, and greetings for other occasions for her friends and family. She said not only does it make them feel special but it brings her joy to do it. (Sounds like she filling her bucket!) She emphasized how the elderly on her list really enjoyed these handwritten notes because some of them are not techno-savvy. Also many people save these and look at them again and again; each time they experience the love and joy that they received when they first opened them.

Are we to busy to invest in people? Are we so consumed by work or personal entertainment that we don’t have time to actually talk to people? Has technology caused us to forget the personal touch of actual conversation? If we don’t invest in the younger generation why should they invest in us? I know time is also a precious commodity, but what’s the point in having a high volume portfolio if I can’t make time to share my life with others?

How are you personal investments coming along? Parents? Grandchildren? Children Neighbors? Friends? Co-workers? Classmates? Are those relationships growing or depreciating?

I’m beginning to see a great return on my investments. I hope you will too!

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What’s in my bucket?

Right off the bat I want to say, this bucket is not about my bucket list.  No, this is about filling my bucket.  It started when our school principal chose a book entitled Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud.  The premise of the book was that a kid could be happy or happier by showing kindness, respect, and helpfulness to others.  My take away was you have to be present in the moment to take advantage of an opportunity to fill the bucket. 

If filling someone’s bucket ultimately results in your bucket being filled there has to be some intentionality to living in the now.  That’s one of the main differences between having a bucket list and filling a bucket.  A bucket list implies that you will be or do something in the near future, or at least before you die – a kind of delayed gratification based on some day.  Bucket filling is about the present.  It is the result of living in the moment. 

In my writing I often focus on the history and relationships of past generations (especially in poetry) while considering the effects and investments it makes on the generations of the future.  Yet, I must also walk in the present.  If I fail to be present in the now, then I may miss the happiness (I prefer the term joy) of the relationships I have right now.  In other words, the past provides lessons while the future provides hope, and the present provides an opportunity to live life to the fullest.  Therefore, in order to keep my bucket filled and fill the bucket of others,  I must be intentionally present in the moment.

You may be thinking what does that look like?I  Here are a few examples from my life.  When I wake up in the morning I sit on the side of my bed, take in a deep breath, and stretch and twist my limbs and torso just to express gratefulness for life, strength, and a sound mind. When I step outside, I take the time to look up at the sky and listen to the morning sounds: my wind chimes, birds, traffic, cicadas.  I tune my favorite radio stations so that I can sing along, laugh, and listen, but mainly remain calm and unrushed in traffic.  As I drive through my subdivision, I do so watchfully and cautiously in order to spot the wildlife such as deer, rabbits, owls and opossums.  (There is also the occasional pet. I am definitely a nature lover.) 

When I meet my co-workers or people in the local coffee shop, I make an intentional effort to look them in the eye, notice their body language, and listen to their words.  (I truly hate when people ask how you are without taking the time to listen to your response.  Sometimes I’ll say something ridiculous just to catch them off guard, like I think tongue is growing longer!) When I arrive home again,  I engage in real conversations with my family.  I really want to know about their day and their experiences.  

Being present in the moment means you engage all of your senses, as well as your intellect and spirit.  Ask yourself what regrets will I have if I lost my sight (or any other sense) today.  If you would wish to see your love one’s face or a sunset or a flower, the question is why aren’t you looking at them today – when opportunity presents itself. 

There’s the DJ on the radio, Willie Moore Jr., he says, “Today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present” .  That may sound a little glib but it’s true.  We shouldn’t wait to fill our buckets with once in a lifetime adventures; we should fill our buckets with the wonders of life’s daily experiences and relationships.  Really smell the roses, really savor the flavor, truly engage and commune, actually feel and reflect, actively listen and see.  Fill Your Bucket and at the same time fill the bucket of others with the joy of being present.  You deserve it and those around you deserve it.  It’s hard to live with regret when you actively living each day intentionally. 

What will you do to be fully engaged in your environment?  How can you utilize your five senses to observe and experience life around you?  What will it take to enhance the communion of your relationships? What activities can you use to refresh and revile your spirit?  How can you fill a bucket and find daily happiness?  Please share your thoughts and share this book with a child you love. 

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