Holiday Sensitivity

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This is the time of year when everyone is bombarded by holiday sales and decorations weeks before the holidays begin. Everywhere you look there is red, green, gold, blue, and silver garland. Toys and small appliances sit on the end caps of every store shelf. Even the piped-in music invades the atmosphere with subliminal messages of whimsical dreams, glee, and laughter. Before we get off to a bad start, I want you to know I am not intrinsically opposed to any of this (well maybe the sales campaigns and ads); I am just calling for some sensitivity during these seasons of holiday cheer. 

During the week of the national Thanksgiving holiday, we lost one of the matriarchs of our family. Her death was very disheartening not only because it was unexpected, but because of what she represented in our family legacy. She was the last of my maternal great grandfather children. As we grieved and prepared for her memorial and the celebration of her life, I was struck by the incongruent sentiments of condolences and “Happy Thanksgiving.” People asked, how was our Thanksgiving, did we cook a lot, eat a lot, or host a large gathering. At times I felt trapped between my own grief and trying not to dampen the spirits of people who were enjoying the holiday season. They meant well and were simply pursuing polite conversation, but I was not in the mood for it. I wondered if they even noticed my countenance or my monosyllabic responses. Few were sensitive to my hesitations; even co-workers didn’t seem to notice the strain. 

There I was trying to be sensitive to the needs of others by keeping my bereavement to myself. There I was trying to make sure I didn’t spoil their holiday cheer. I reasoned with myself; they didn’t know my great aunt. They wouldn’t understand what she meant to our family legacy. They certainly weren’t in the mood for a long explanation concerning the impact of her death. So, the sensitive thing for me to do was grin and bear it. Right? The aftermath of this was a reminder that everyone is not experiencing a season of cheer just because it is listed on the calendar. 

Upon reflection, it occurred to me that sensitivity is needed more than ever. First and foremost, we don’t all celebrate the same holidays. There are at least twenty-nine (29) holidays between November 1st and January 15th for seven major religions. These include national, cultural, local, and international days of celebration. Secondly, many people are limited in how they participate in holiday events. Socio-economic circumstances, health issues, as well as displacement from home and family can affect one’s participation.  When you are struggling to survive financially, holidays are not a top priority. When you are struggling with chronic disease or dis-ease, cheer may evade you. Yet, we often overlook these things when we are focused on ourselves and our own expression of the seasons in our lives. 

Holiday sensitivity doesn’t mean we have to stop celebrating our own special days, weeks, or months, but it does mean we should allow space for those who do not share our enthusiasm. We can pay attention to the needs of others. We can watch how they respond when we greet them. We can ask questions about their lives and their celebrations. We can practice attentiveness. Does the person we are talking to seem sad or confused? Does the person seem preoccupied or different in any way from their “normal” selves? Perhaps they are less talkative. Perhaps they have something to share with you. Perhaps they are trying to be sensitive toward you while you are not being sensitive toward them. 

I was brought up in the generation where we were taught to look a person in the eye when you speak with them or when they speak to you. You can learn a lot by making eye contact with people and observing their body language. (Things you’ll never get from a test message, but that’s a subject for another day.) Holiday sensitivity reminds us to be careful not to offend others and at the same time not to be easily offended. ”Happy Holidays,” are not words of challenge. It simply acknowledges the possibility that we may or may not celebrate the same calendar days. If a person greets you with a specific holiday expression, accept the fact that this is their time of celebration. Their oversight usually isn’t personal. Most of all understand that many people are struggling with day-to-day stresses and pressure. Depression, inflation, grief, heartache, or other issues of anxiety may be a hinderance to their attention to celebratory situations around them. They may require a little empathy on our part. They may require a hand-up or a handout on our part. They may require genuine concern and friendship from us. They may sincerely require and desire to be included in our community and in our celebrations. Let’s be more sensitive to the needs of other whether it’s a regular day, a holy day, or a holiday. It will make for a better community. 

Be kind. Be neighborly. Be sensitive to those around you. Peace and Good Cheer to all. 

Mrs. Hadester Gregory
9/10/31 – 11/24/23

Milestone Celebrations

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

This past Saturday, my youngest son got married. In May my oldest granddaughter will graduate from college, and my middle granddaughter will graduate from high school. My oldest grandson will turn 21, and my youngest grandson will be headed to kindergarten. In July, my entire family will convene in Detroit for our family reunion, and in August, my husband and I will celebrate 45 years of marriage. All of these events are what people call major milestones. All of these events require some form of celebration because they are important life experiences. Graduations, the birth of a child, birthdays, winning playoffs, and retirements are all good reasons to celebrate. By definition, they are milestones in a person’s life (“an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development” Webster). Yet, some days it feels like a major milestone just to get out of bed. (Perhaps that just me.)

When you become a certain age, you began to count small victories as great milestones. Every day that my 91-year-old mom gets up and is physically and mentally able to care for herself, we take a victory lap. Every day that I conquer depression and function as a wife, daughter, teacher, author and friend is a day to celebrate in song. (Singing and music is my muse.) What may seem minor to others may be great events in your eyes. Things like overcoming negative self-talk and maintaining peace in the midst of other people’s chaos calls for a celebration. Being able to stay on budget and plan a vacation or getting a good report from the doctor can be a personal milestone. The size of the celebration may not warrant lots of party hoopla, but these events are worthy of a festive observance. You can celebrate with a glass of wine (my favorite standby) or have lunch with a friend. You can plan a special date night or make a positive social media post. Another favorite of mine is to journal my gratitude, listen to my favorite playlist, or get dressed up and take myself out on the town.

So what if you didn’t start a new job or get that promotion, you are still worth celebrating. So, you lost five pounds instead of 15, that’s a step in the right direction, congratulate yourself. The small wins in life are just as important as the huge milestones. Acknowledge the pebbles that lead to the stones. Short-term goals lead to accomplishing long-term goals. You are still on planet earth; you made it through a pandemic, it’s time to celebrate. If you are still above water in these inflationary times, that’s quite an accomplishment. If you can count five people who truly love and care for you, that’s extraordinary. If you have finally seen one of your goals come to fruition, celebrate. If you have peace in your soul and contentment in your heart, I’d say that deserves special recognition.

Small milestones (pebbles) may not lead to bigger milestones (mountains), but when you acknowledge the small things, it will be harder for disappointment to bring you down. Thoughts like I didn’t hit a home run, but I made it to second base is a lot different from I’m not very good at baseball. Things didn’t go the way I planned them today, but tomorrow is a new day, and I’m going to give it all I’ve got is a different thought process from I never win, nothing ever goes my way. I haven’t finished my latest book, but I finished this blog, cheers to me! I’m going to sit on the front porch with a glass of wine, the novel I’m reading, and enjoy the moment. The birds will sing. The chipmunks will scatter, and I will be happy that I accomplished this small thing today.

What little pebbles have you overlooked? Did you control your temper today? Did you release your anxieties through mindfulness exercises? Did you enjoy a garden salad and skip the decadent chocolate cake? Did you have a communication breakthrough with your wayward child or your significant other? Did someone tell you how much they love you? Did you get through rush hour without an accident or crisis? Did you find some old pictures that brought sweet memories and made you smile? What can you find to celebrate today? Trust me, there’s always a reason to be grateful, and there’s always a reason to celebrate.

Slow down! Reflect! Be grateful! Celebrate life.

Real Effort

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

One thing you notice as a teacher is the students who are making a real effort. That doesn’t mean all their answers are perfect or that they are the best students in the room. It means they are doing their best to meet the goal; they are determined to give it their best shot. I am always proud of these students. I also try to encourage them to continue their hard work because it will pay off in the end. There may be delayed gratification, but real effort leads to real achievement.

It takes real effort to improve our status. Unfortunately, too many of us give lip service to real effort while doing as little as possible. Our contribution to the finished product is minuscule. We do just enough work to get by or to keep others from saying we didn’t do anything. We don’t seem to realize we are shortchanging ourselves. Every accomplishment leads to new heights of understanding and confidence. Hard work and success enriches our lives and informs our character.

Collaborative learning came on the scene several years ago in all the high schools and colleges (also used in elementary education today). Courses were designed for students to work in small groups and to finish projects as a team. One student came to me totally frustrated. Her complaint was about the slackers in her group. Apparently, they had had an initial meeting where it was decided what each member of the group was responsible to do. They also scheduled several follow-up meetings to check their progress and prepare responses for the discussion board. At the first scheduled meeting only three of the eight students showed up, one being my student. At the second meeting five people showed up, but only the original three had anything done. The professor was checking the discussion board, but no one from this group had submitted any responses. They received a written reminder and reprimand from the professor. Discussion board participation was part of the overall grade. My student said she and her other two classmates were going to try to do the whole project by themselves in order to get a passing grade. I advised her to take all of their finished work and their assignment lists to the professor rather than three people trying to do the work of eight people. The professor listened to the three students and assigned them to another group where some of the work they had done could be used. The new group of ten people did quite well on their oral presentation and received a “B” on their written presentation. The remaining five students from the first group ended up arguing in front of the whole class during their oral presentation. I don’t know what grades they received but I do know they were called to a meeting with their professor. I do know that all this drama could have been avoided if everyone in the group had put forth some real effort.

We need real effort in our society today. We can’t just give lip service to humanity, equality, and civility. We must put forth some real effort in non-violent communication. We must put real effort into active listening, empathy, and cultural awareness. Harmony and respect take effort. Understanding and advancement requires teamwork where everyone is doing their part. Civic duty, volunteerism, and neighborly conduct is just the beginning.

When I am writing a story or a poem, I am always aware of the universal themes that underlie the specifics of the project. Love, family, community, dreams, hopes, legacy, inheritance, work and struggle are experiences and desires that transcend time and class. We all want our children to thrive. We all want our communities to be safe. We want our families to prosper. We want our leaders to lead with integrity. We want to reap the benefits of our labor. All these things require real community effort. We all have the opportunity to contribute to our societal whole. We have an assignment to fulfill as members of the human team. When I was younger, we called this good citizenship. My school district calls it community shareholders. The consequence of no effort is severe and affects every area of our society.

When I was in junior high (it’s called middle school today), our choir director taught us a beautiful song that I still remember to this day. The first lines of the song say: “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth the peace that was meant to be . . .” (Listen to the whole song here: Let There be Peace on Earth) Real effort begins with me, but it ends with all of us doing our part to bring harmony to our Beloved Community. “It takes a village” can no longer be a slogan, it must be a reality. It needs to be a work in progress each and every day if we are going to create a better society.

Promote kindness. Live peacefully. Cultivate charity. Learn to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Give it some real effort. Peace!

Be a lighthouse. Light the way for the next generation.

New Beginnings

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For teachers and students, the month of August (in Geogia) always marks the season of new beginnings: a new school year, a new grade level for some, and definitely new opportunities. New beginnings come in all types of ways, but we have to be open to receiving them. That means our attitude and our expectations have to line up with the new potentials and new possibilities. If we don’t expect anything new, we may miss out because our negative perspective blocked our view. That’s why it’s important to keep an open mind and a positive outlook.

At the school where I used to work, we had a motto that the students and staff recited every morning. The part I like the most is: “Today is a new day and a fresh start, I will strive for excellence. I will do my part.” Every day is a new beginning. We have the opportunity to do things differently than we did them before. Very rarely do things just happen, we have to put some effort in the outcome we want to have. A fresh start calls for fresh and renewed effort. There is a joy in knowing yesterday is over and done, but today is new – a day whose outcome is not predetermined. It’s a day of possibilities yet unrealized. I know that sounds like an over optimistic mantra, but it really is true if we allow ourselves the opportunity to act on it. Too much reflection over past failures can stop us dead in our tracks. At the same time too much fear and anxiety about the future can stifle our progress. Today is the day of recourse. Today is the day of fresh starts.

One of my former students was devastated when she failed the written portion of the driver’s license test. To her knowledge, she was the only one of her friends who failed. I also think her self-image had been damaged since she was a high achiever and honor student. I asked her what went wrong, but she didn’t have an answer. She just kept saying, “I failed.” Eventually I ascertained the problem. She had assumed much of the test was commonsense. She had pursued the driver’s manual but had not truly studied the material. Together we laid out a plan of study and a practice test. She was well prepared for the retest in my opinion; however, she was trapped in fear. She kept saying, “What if I fail again? I won’t be able to take the test again. This is my last chance.” She was projecting her past unto her future. She wasn’t defeated by her study habits or her ability to perform. She was defeated by her negative thought life. I call that “stinking thinking.”

Teachers spend a lot of time trying to convince students that they can accomplish their goals. It is part of our job to overcome their fears and inhibitions, especially since we are constantly introducing new concepts. This is particularly hard with adult students. (I teach Language Arts through Reasoning for GED students now.) Young children believe you when you tell them they can do it. Encouragement and praise will motivate them to try their best. Adults, on the other hand, rely far more on their past experiences than anything you say. Statements like, “I’ve never been good at math; I’m not a good writer or speller; reading is not my strong suit; I just don’t get it!” spew from their lips. Why don’t they say, “I’m going to get it this time, I’m not giving up, this is my time to finish strong”? It’s because they don’t see their effort as a new beginning, they see it as a continuation of old conditions.

Well, my student retook the written portion of the driver’s test, she passed with flying colors. She was more surprised than anyone else. She fully expected to fail even though she had dedicated real time to studying the manual. I hope she walked away with a life lesson which she can apply to the rest of her challenges, but I’m not sure she did. Yet, I will continue to encourage my students to embrace the motto: “Today is a new day and a fresh start. I will strive for excellence; I will do my part.”

How about you? Do you still have a dream or goal that you haven’t seen come to fruition? Is it because of “stinking thinking?” Is it because you are stuck on the conditions of the past? Have you become fearful of failure, worrying about things that have yet to happen? Are the words of a negative cheerleader, a naysayer, ringing in your ear? Guess what? This is a new opportunity for you to try again. It’s time for a new beginning from a new you. You are not the same person you were years ago. (I don’t think any of us are the same since the Pandemic.) You bring more experiences and knowledge to the table. You have more connections and networks to glean from and receive help. Ignite the fire in your heart. Tell yourself “I can do this! This is a new day! I can make a fresh start.”

One of my mentors in the faith always used the motto below. I hope you will try it out along with the school motto above. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life, give it your best shot!” (In loving memory of D. A. Anderson) Take it from someone who has to overcome internal obstacles and external time constraints to achieve my goals as a writer, a teacher, a wife, a daughter, and a friend, new beginnings are a blessing every single day, and right now I’m giving it my best shot. (Even in this run-on sentence.) Peace.

Running to Win

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The July 4th is the day for the annual AJC Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta. People come from near and far to participate in this event. There are professional (elite) racers as well as amateurs. There’s a wheelchair event and an event for children. There are also walkers. Some people belong to groups while others are totally on their own, but everyone participates with enthusiasm and commitment. The challenge and the goal is to finish your race whether it’s the 50m Dash, the 5K, the 8K, Half Marathon, Marathon, or 1 mile. It’s a race where everyone wins because everyone has a different reason for participating.

The Peachtree Road Race is known as one of the largest 10K events. Over 50,000 people registered and participated in this edition (the 54th) of the race, but the racers aren’t the only people out there. Family and friends stand on the side lines and at the finish line. There are volunteers who pass out water and offer first aid. Others are simply cheering the runners on, encouraging the runners to accomplish their goals. There is also a police presence offering safety and protection to all the participants, vendors, and audience. News teams are there from every network to report the significance of the event and to record the historical moments. They interview and report individual and group stories of runners and walkers who have never missed a race, or who may be running for the first time; these are human interest stories.

The elite runners are running to win a monetary reward as well as to break records of speed and endurance. Others are competing with themselves for better time or just the ability to make it to the finish line. Some are running in memory of a dearly departed loved one. Some are continuing a tradition as their way to celebrate Independence Day every year. Others are celebrating the significant milestone of surviving cancer, a heart attack, or some form of trauma. Many are simply enjoying the comradery of being among diverse people from ages 10 to 92. Everyone is racing to achieve their personal goals and accomplish their personal dreams.

Wouldn’t it be marvelous if each of us could enter our everyday responsibilities and routines with this same attitude? What if there was comradery alongside competition in the workplace? What if there was celebration over everyone’s accomplishments in school and at work, even if they are different from the elite standard? How wonderful would it be to have cheerleaders, and helpers on the sideline cheering us on to accomplish our personal goals? Is it possible to make room for multigenerational persons with diverse abilities in the marketplace and domestic life? Could we adopt the ethic, mood, and spirit of this one-day celebration as the norm in society or am I hoping for too much?

We all have a race to run. The timing of our race and the distance of our race may be different, but the finish line is the same. We want to accomplish our goal of a good and peaceful life. We want to provide safety and opportunity for our children. We want to make it to a healthy ripe old age and leave an inheritance for our loved ones. We want to enjoy our relationships and celebrate every milestone of accomplishment with them. We want to be free to run our race, and we want to win by doing our personal best. The commitment is personal, yet it requires comradery and community – everyone doing their part. This is not just idealism; this is a prayer for change.

Keep moving forward. Understand you are not alone. Cheer for someone along the way. Celebrate the effort and the accomplishments of those around you. Offer a helping hand to the young and the old. Congratulate yourself and others. Be willing to try again. That’s running to win.

How Many Hats Do You Wear?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Years ago, I went to a seminar where we had an interesting ice breaker. The object of the ice breaker was to introduce yourself without stating your occupation or job title. At first, everyone thought this was an easy task, but it proved to be quite difficult. Titles and job descriptions were very much a part of our identities. Although we wore many hats, it was almost impossible to identify ourselves without the association of our daily tasks and routines.

Men and women wear many hats throughout their lives. Descriptions such as quarterback, cheerleader, president, CEO, mentor, mother, brother, homeless, aunt, coach, professor, doctor, nerd, freeloader, drifter, coward, cheater, entrepreneur, fighter, pilot, and tradesmen are just a few ways to be identified. It’s almost impossible to think of ourselves without labels. I’m a mom, a wife, a teacher, a writer/creative, a grandmother, a daughter, only child, a public speaker, a volunteer, an advocate, etc. I am me. I am simultaneously all of these – “One for all, and all for one.” – wearing different hats in different spaces. It becomes more and more difficult to separate myself from any one of these identifiers, because all of them are simply me.

From my small platform this seems true for almost everyone. Very few people are singular in their identity. Yet, we seemed surprised to know that XYZ rapper (my favorite, 50 Cent – Curtis James Jackson) is a successful businessman outside the realm of hip hop. We stereotype large-bodied football players before we know they are owners of gourmet restaurants (Check out Elways, or Favre’s Steakhouse). Pink-haired students can’t escape our judgement until we learn she’s a high school honor roll graduate headed to the University of Montevallo in the fall (Google: Tamira Prince). We assume we understand the predicament of the person with holes in their pants and a shopping cart full of cardboard. We think we know the blight of the person talking to himself as we watch his orchestrated hand movements. Hats can be difficult to discern if we fail to ask questions or observe other facets of a person’s life.

Many of us have had to fight off labels given to us by other people who assumed they recognized the hats we were wearing. How many times have I been told only children are brats and spoiled even when my mom worked two jobs to make ends meet and made most of our clothes by cutting out newspaper patterns? How often did professionals call me antisocial because my face was always in a book, never mind the fact that I learned to read when I was three and chose to read the classics at age ten. My neighbors were drunks, pimps, prostitutes, preachers, blue collar workers, teachers, widows, and unwed mothers who all watched out for me and promised me that I would be somebody one day. Members of street gangs protected me because my grandmother, the praying lady, was always nice to them and ready to help them and their families any way she could. Little old ladies in our church and community gladly gave me coins and dollar bills to help me with the expenses of school and college. They all seemed to believe I would succeed. They all seemed to believe I could wear any hat available in the world. All of these characters in my beloved community said I had spunk, wisdom beyond my years, and a gift for gab, and I believed them. They called me a good girl that was going places. When I said, “I wanted to be a nurse” (until I saw blood up close and personal for the first time); they said, “You can do it!” When I said, “I wanted to be a teacher”: they said, “We see that in you!” When I said, ‘I wanted to write books and own my own business’; they said, “You can do anything you put your mind to.” As often as I traded the hats I wanted to wear, my extended community and family swore they could see them all. I try to do that for the children in my sphere of influence today.

How many hats do you wear? Are you wearing the negative hats or the positive hats? Have you acquired your own identity? Do you use your preferred titles or are you stuck with someone else’s labels? You have the right to change hats all along the way of your life because there is no one position or title that can cover all that you are. You are a human being, the highest species on planet earth. You are a member of society, good or bad as it may be. You are a citizen of the world, as well as the place where you were born. That makes you connected to people and places you may have never seen. You can choose to force identities on others, or you can choose to allow them to define themselves. Better still, you can spend your time defining yourself. Play the ice breaker game with yourself. Identify yourself, write it on a piece of paper. Don’t use job titles or job descriptions. Avoid family positions and rankings. Who were you when you woke up this morning? Who were you when you started writing? Who will you be at the end of the day? How many times did you change hats?

Of course, I don’t have a pat closing for this blog post (pun intended), so I guess I’ll go for the obvious sentimental scenario. Let’s all try to wear more hats of honor, integrity, and compassion. If we remember these hats, our professional hats and our community hats will display the best identities possible. Okay, I tried. Pick your own ending.

Wear your hats. Wear your authentic self. Live in peace.

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images/0823/6072/original/20141127_hats.jpg?1417251762

Let’s Hear the Good News

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

One of the things I love about this time of year is all the posts and pictures of graduates, prom attendees, and weddings. Spring seems to be the time of new beginnings when people share their family’s good news. I’m certain there is good news during other times of the year, but spring seems to be the season for sharing it the most. Under all the layers of trauma and bad news that seems to monopolize the media streams, I just want to hear more good news.

A consensus of marketing agencies says good news doesn’t sell. I pray that is not really true, but even if it is can’t we change that? Everyone loves a feel-good story. I am not convinced we need to hear the same bad news three of four times per day or per week. It feels like the daily news’s rendition of what’s happening in the world is to keep repeating the bad news until some more bad news happens. Well to be fair, some news networks will end the daily report with at least one good news story. It would be wonderful to have more of those.

Uplifting stories not only make us smile; they give us hope. We take pleasure in knowing people are doing good in the world. When someone is rewarded for their work over and above the call of duty, we feel proud. When the underdog wins and overcomes hard times, we all feel like cheering. Good news is encouraging to everyone in the beloved community. Good news motivates us to do good works as well.

Here are some uplifting stories that made the news in May: “A teenage umpire saves a little leaguer from a dust devil; a WWI soldier’s letter to his mom in 1919 is returned to his granddaughter; a teen broke the scholarship record of ten million dollars and has his choice of 149 colleges; a woman once homeless wins $5M in the California lottery; and a 7th grader stops the school bus from veering into traffic after the driver passes out.” These stories will not be broadcasted over and over again like the last violent act of a shooter. They will not receive additional sound bites like the current politicians whose jargon is more backbiting and falsehood than promises and reform. These inspirational stories will fade into the channels of history never to be mentioned again. We should change this.

As I work with children and teens, I see fear and hopelessness. They are bombarded with bad news. They are preparing for bad news. Stranger danger drills, practices for intruder alerts, cyber bullies, climate change, and the end of the world forecasts are ever present in their environment. How are they to believe they have a bright future ahead? More than that how are they to believe they can make a difference in their world? There are mission-based companies in the fields of technology and science doing good that our youth need to hear about. There are also young people who are exemplifying great leadership abilities by make contributions to their communities right now. Our youth need to know these stories. I enjoy seeing their faces light up when they see or hear stories of incredible young people living their dreams.

Have you heard of Campbell Remess, who created Project 365 when he was 9 years old to give gifts to the kids in a local hospital; or Sidney Keys III, who at age 11 started book clubs under the title: “Books n Bros” to encouraged boys from 8 to 12 to embrace literacy? You can learn about these youths and others by googling “children making a positive difference in 2023.” You can also find them on TED Talks and CNN Young Wonders. There are children who have written books, started non-profits, and become advocates for gun safety. There are adults, especially first responders, who have dedicated their lives to helping others beyond their normal jobs. There are brand new college graduates entering the job market for the first time and they need to know that their efforts can add goodness to our world.

Just today I heard a story of a school janitor who is leading the school chess club to national championship. He actually thanked the job that laid him off and caused him to take this janitorial position. Everyday people in our world are making a positive difference with no fanfare or recognition. Their stories deserve to be told. We can be the town crier. We don’t have to wait for the media moguls to decide what needs to be broadcasted, we can use our platforms to spread the good news. What good thing is going on in your family? Who is making a difference in your community? Have you heard or seen someone going beyond the call of duty to create safety, art, literacy, or awareness in your city? Spread the good news. Tell someone all about it, and ask them to share it with the people in their sphere of influence. At the same time limit the amount of bad news you repeat or listen to. Turn off repetitious broadcasts of heinous acts of violence or nonsensical political rhetoric. Tune into positive change agents and advocates who want to make positive change in our world, personally and geographically.

I’d like to believe every one of this year’s graduates, whether high school or college, will be contributors to the good that we so desperately need to hear and see in our nation. I prefer to imagine every new wedding becoming an outstanding family in communities all over the land, and the proms are just the beginning of many celebrations of overcomers and high achievers. I am determined to be a harbinger of good news, inspirational news, and motivational news even in the midst of trauma and mind-blowing disasters, because these negative things are not the only things that are happening around us. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about pretending terrible things don’t happen, I’m talking about not letting them consume everything good.

In the midst of trauma and terrible things happening communities come together to help and support the injured. Individuals turn into charitable manpower contributing time and money to resource material losses. Organizations exist and are being formed to meet the needs of persons whose means have been depleted by nature or by humans. Strangers have leapt to action to rescue endangered children, adults, and animals. I’m not sure who coined the phrase, “Difficult times often bring out the best in people,” but I agree. Sometimes the worst situations and circumstances finds a way to bring out the best in the community; suddenly we become true neighbors. This is good news.

What’s the good news in your neighborhood? family? city? state? Let’s hear it. Come on, share it! Start with your family and friends, then spread it on your media feed. Consider sending an email to your local news commentator. Share it with teachers at the middle or high school. Schedule them for career day at your local elementary school. Perhaps you could invite the person or persons to be guest speakers at your next club meeting or church social. Perhaps you are the source of good news. Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn just a little. You may be just the inspiration someone needs to make a good news move of their own. We can do this.

Let’s become Good News Influencers in our society. Let’s do it for our youth. Let’s do it to spread hope. Let’s do it because it’s the right thing to do. Don’t let spring be the only season to spread the good news.

Congratulations
Morehouse School Medicine Graduates 2023

What are you working for?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

It seems like we spend most of our adult lives working – eight hours plus per day on the job and another two or three hours in household chores. In times past, we could multiply these hours by thirty or forty years on the same job. Today, those years may be applied to a diverse number of jobs. Nevertheless, work occupies much of our time and energy. Why? What are we working for? Are our standard answers to these questions really true? Are we achieving the goals we want to accomplish?

I can remember my first job at the age of fifteen. All I wanted was to have my own money to spend on whatever I wanted. No longer would my mother be able to dictate my spending. It turns out, she didn’t have to; life took care of that. There was bus fare, uniforms, the cost of lunch, toiletries, and I had to support my own habits. Taxes! No one told me that the government was allowed to take a portion of my money for taxes. My first big purchase was a folk guitar which cost $75. I had to save up for it over several paydays on the layaway plan. It wasn’t long before I realized I had to work for necessities before I could afford pleasures. As I grew older living expenses became larger along with taxes, and I continued to learn I wasn’t in complete control of my money.

My mom’s generation had a better understanding of delayed gratification (of course this is a broad generality assuming that everyone was like my mom). They knew how to save and wait for the ability to finance their dreams. Their goals were to see their children achieve and accomplish more than they had. Many of them left the Deep South and the life of agriculture for better opportunities (least wise they thought it was for better opportunities). Working in factories and on assembly lines replaced the seasonal work of sowing and harvesting crops. However, many of them still worked from sunup to sundown, and the cost of living was harsh as the winter weather. Yet the sacrifice seemed worth it if their children were able to get a quality education that would lead to upward mobility. Some of us became teachers, doctors, lawyers, and preachers as a result of their hard labor. Others simply followed their parents into the workforce of steel mills, factories, and domestic work. My mom and her generation would say they were working for posterity.

I certainly can’t speak for my entire generation, but I venture to say we want similar things for our children. However, we also want upward mobility for ourselves. Delayed gratification is not celebrated. We want it faster. We want more and we are willing to make changes to get it. We are not the generation who will remain in one job for thirty years. We are not the people who will live in the same neighborhood for a lifetime. Our educational choices include both public and private institutions. Our occupations include entrepreneurship and multiple streams of income. There is extended family disconnect because we will move across the country or across the world for perceived opportunities, financial or otherwise. It seems like we are working for a better house, a better car, better benefits, better vacations, more prestige and power. We have more debt than the previous generations, but we know what we’re working for. Do we?

Late in life I had an epiphany that I tried to teach my children and grandchildren. It was a plan to enjoy life more whether in work or in leisure. Here is how the plan works. Choose a career path that you believe you would enjoy doing. In other words, you love it so much you would consider doing it for free. If you are going to spend a great deal of your time and energy working, why not enjoy the work? Pursue the necessary education for it. It may not include a four-year college degree; it may be a trade school or an apprenticeship. Whatever the educational requirements are, pay as you go so that you don’t carry debt into your future. Curtail your spending desires. Determine your real needs. Do you need a new car? Do you need to buy a house now? Do you need to take luxury vacations every year. Whatever you determine your real needs to be map out a budget of time and money to achieve those needs/wants efficiently and frugally. Your dreams/goals don’t have to look like anyone else’s vision. Don’t compete with your peers or your neighbors. Don’t be swayed by media or advertisements. Choose your path, but don’t be afraid to start over or to reinvent yourself. I’m pleased to say one of my sons and one of my grands seem to be pursuing this plan and are happy for it.

I discovered early on that I love being a teacher, so it became easy to implement this gift/talent/calling into multiple areas of my life. Although I’m not a morning person, when I arrive in front of my students, I come alive. If you know anything about teaching, you know this is not the profession for mega-bucks. However, there are major benefits to being a mother like the same off days as your children. Being a teacher has met my goals and dreams in so many ways. I worked to spend time with my family and to travel. My children and grandchildren were afforded summer vacations (and sometimes spring break vacations) since they were very young. My sons and I set out to see every amusement park in America. We didn’t make it to all of them, but we certainly had fun trying. My grandchildren and I made a point of going to museums and beaches, as well as visiting our family members across the states. They got to meet great aunts and uncles, and cousins across the nation. Being a teacher also means life-long learning, so every vacation had an educational component. My goals were simple, but I knew what I was working for, and it hasn’t changed much since I retired.

While I’d love to downsize my home (we are empty nesters now), trading higher cost for a smaller property would interrupt our goals. My husband came out of a three-year retirement to pursue his artistic vocation (www.donwilsonartist900.com) and play golf. I retired but I still find time to be a substitute teacher during the school year. I also volunteer as a GED teacher. The extra money is for traveling and writing conferences. We work to fulfill our personal dreams and goals. We also work to spend more time with the family and our friends; to help others (charities and volunteerism); and to produce our craft (fine art for my husband and books for me). We have reinvented ourselves several times over the years. Teaching and writing are always at the center of my desires. I drive a pretty old car. I’ve held on to clothes until they came back in style. I’ve driven to more vacation spots than I have ever flown to because I’m cost conscious. However, I am not deprived of the things I enjoy the most – the things that I work for – the things that are important to me.

The cost of living and taxes are not going away. We all work to pay these, but what else are we working for? I would love to hear your perspective whether you are very happy or somewhat disillusioned. What can you do to make your labor truly worth it? What are your true priorities? There are no right or wrong answers. This is not a competition. This is about what’s right for you and what brings you the most satisfaction in life.

Focus on your wants and needs. Become proactive in your choices. Forget about competing in the rat race. Help others along the way. Work to live and enjoy life.

Don and I enjoying life with our dog, Lady Love

The Mysteries of Grief

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

Grief is a complicated emotion. It is a mixture of sorrow, sadness, misery, pain, and heartache. Yet no two people seem to experience grief in the same way. Some people become angry while others become despondent. Some people isolate themselves while others seek the company of friends and family. Grief seems to affect everyone differently. No matter how we describe grief, loss is its center piece.

Grief is a mystery to me. Even when you have experienced grief in the past, it doesn’t make the next time any easier. No amount of experience prepares you for the next time. Grief’s power does not seem to dwindle. It seems to come in waves. Just when you think you’ve overcome its effects, it washes over you again. Logic does not affect it. No matter how much reason and truth you throw at it, grief tends to linger until it wears itself out. Bits of comfort may have a temporary effect in the face of this strong emotion.

So why am I tackling this subject? Because grief is all around us. It has almost become a national phenomenon with gun violence, natural disasters, the residue of the Pandemic, and societal ills economically and politically. People of all ages are hurting. They are grieving the losses of normalcy, safety, ownership, health, good will, and loved ones. Many are losing hope that things will ever be right again. We’ve lost the “good old days,” and we can’t seem to phantom what the “good new days” will be like. How do you console people who have lost hope, people who have so many losses?

One of my granddaughters turned twenty-one on the 18th of this month. It should have been a happy day of celebration, and to some extent it was. Unfortunately, a dear friend and classmate died on that day. On the last day of his military training, he passed out on the field and died shortly thereafter. His family was looking forward to celebrating his accomplishment in a achieving his dream to be a United States marine. His death doesn’t just affect his immediate family, it affects whole communities: his fellow soldiers on the base, his neighborhood and local community, his high school where he was in the band and played sports, his church family, out of town relatives, and more. If you knew him, then you are experiencing some level of grief because he was generous, loving, dedicated, committed, helpful, kind, and full of life. Noah Evans will be greatly missed.

I have been trying to comfort my granddaughter by telling her the truth. Here is some of the things I toid her. “Waves of grief will come and go. Bouts of crying is normal and helps relieve some of the pressure that builds up. Try to go for a walk or do other exercise, it will help you get to sleep when your body is tired. Communicate with others who share your feelings, those who are also grieving. Cherish the memories. Remember he was right where he wanted to be pursuing his dream. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Pray and immerse yourself in scripture. Speak with a counselor. Do not isolate yourself from the people who love you. Make a memory book. Don’t be embarrassed about how you feel. I can’t change anything, but I can listen, and I can give you a hug any time you need one.” Is this enough? Does it really help? I can only hope. One thing is for certain, this will not be our last experience with grief.

If my premise is true grief is prevalent in our society, so what can we do? We can be more compassionate and realize that many people are quietly hurting. We can show kindness just for the sake of being nice to other human beings. Kindness is a welcoming healing balm in most any situation. We can be patient. Many people are doing the best they can under the circumstances. We can be charitable. It’s not always possible to replace the loss of others, but we can contribute to their recovery. We can be active listeners. We don’t have to have the same experiences to listen to someone’s heart. Sometimes the suffering just wants to be seen and heard. Lastly, we can offer common courtesy to everyone whether an acquaintance or a stranger. The golden rule still applies; treat others the way you want to be treated. Lastly, examine your own heart. Are you grieving the loss of someone or something? Have you been bombarded with losses over the last couple of years? Give yourself permission to grieve and share your grief with someone who loves you.

Although grief is a mysterious emotion it is a definite part of life. It can be brought on by the smallest thing or by a huge disaster. It can be a tangible loss or a perceived loss. It can be all-consuming or only for moment. It can produce a gamut of emotions such as anger, despair, hopelessness, numbness, shock, and confusion. It can also cause multiple physical symptoms such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, anxiety attacks, and muscle aches and pains. We can do our part to demystify grief when we share the human experience with empathy and compassion. Don’t forget grief will someday come your way if it hasn’t already.

Queen Elizabeth once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Love your family, love your friends, love your neighbors, love yourself. “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Lord Alfred Tennyson

Divine Encounters by Don Wilson

All in The Family

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

By now you know that family is one of my highest priorities, and when I say family, I am not only speaking of blood relations. My identity, my values, and my worldview are steeped in the love of a multi-generational heritage. I don’t know any other way. From my childhood I have always had three to four generations uniquely tied to my life – my grandparents, great grandparents, the elderly lady down the street, the old gentleman from the church, the children in my daycare center, my high school students, my children’s friends. People of all ages have been and are a part of my proverbial village. I find this to be a great advantage and a blessing because every generation has made my life richer with their unique perspective.

I’ll have to admit my family is a lot like a fruit cocktail tree. (That’s a specialty tree grafted to bear a variety of different fruits such as plums, nectarines, apricots, and peaches at the same time.) You will find a wide variety of opinions, beliefs, moods, outlooks, and attitudes among us. You might even question whether one of us truly belongs to the family, but in time you will see the inseparably connections. The foundations of our fore parents keep us well-grounded and attached to each other. Faith and love keep us thriving and growing.

While it may be true that people are living longer today than in times past, it’s also true that quality of life and human connection contributes to long life. We can’t give medicines all the credit. Our lives are richer and fuller when we invest time (work and pleasure) into the lives of others. That goes for the very young as well as the very old. You haven’t enjoyed the wonders of nature and the world until you’ve seen it through the eyes of a child. You can’t learn to appreciate you stand next to a master gardening in whose hands have tilled and sown the soil. Our souls are enriched when we receive the expressions of all ages.

Sadly, we are losing these interpersonal intergenerational connections. In our mobile and transient society many of us may not live near our relatives or childhood neighbors. Some of us multi-taskers may have difficulty finding the time to socialize with our extended family and community. I won’t even mention those of us who think a text, tag, or tweet is sufficient. I guess the real question is about value. How much to we value people? How much do we value relationships? Are our interpersonal connections worth the time and travel?

The other day I had a conversation with my sixteen-year-old granddaughter. She is such a joy to talk to. She’s a deep thinker, very creative, and kind of an old soul. My grandmother would say she’s been here before. At any rate, she paid me such a wonderful complement by saying she liked talking to me because I “got her” and she always knew what she would get when she shared something with me, meaning honesty. I worked hard to establish this bond with her when she was very young. I had no idea that she would one day live so far away. I was used to seeing her every day. Yet the distance between California and Georgia has not broken our bond. We Facetime often and I plan to visit her this summer. Our relationship is genuine. I am interested in the things that concern and interest her. Sometimes we respectfully agree to disagree. I’d like to think I’m helping to shape her worldview just as my ancestors helped to shape mine. I am certain she’s reshaping my view of the world by sharing the perspective of a progressive young woman of this era.

The last time my mom (soon to be 91), my oldest son (44), my other granddaughter (soon to be 21), and myself (no I’m not telling you my age😀) sat in the family room talking we had so much fun laughing at and with each other. We ran through a variety of subjects: high fashion in our various school days, dating (or courting depending on one’s age group), cooking successes and failures, and ghost stories. It was so reminiscent of a conversation I had years ago with my grandmother, my aunt, and my cousins. We were sharing the human experience from one generation to another. We were sharing our love, adventures, dreams and goals, but more importantly this fellowship was all in the family.

I believe family connections and multi-generational relationships are needed to give us balance and a sense of belonging. We all need stories of perseverance and persistence to encourage us. We need stories of success and survival in the face of failure to inspire us. We can benefit from stories of witty invention and following dreams to motivate us. Stories of defeat and disappointment have value as well. These interpersonal connections can build strong foundations for the young and give value and purpose to our elders. All of this is in the family, the family of our birth and the family of our beloved community. All we have to do is seek out these relationships.

Be intentional. Reach out to that great aunt or uncle. Invite your elderly neighbor to brunch. Ask the eldest member of your family to share something from their childhood. Give a young child an opportunity to talk about their favorite things. Have a multi-generational talent show. Use photos albums (even the ones on your phone) as springboards to conversations. Plan a family reunion. Take a multi-generational vacation. Make an effort to be in the physical presence of someone outside of your age range. Seek to understand persons outside of your range of experiences. You may be surprised at the vicarious wealth and resources available to you. You may even be surprised that you really enjoy the contact.

“A good life depends on the strength of our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, colleagues and strangers.” David Lammy

Connect, relate, enjoy, and appreciate every generation! Afterall, it’s all in the family.

The Ark Experience in Kentucky
Spring Break 2023
A Multi-generational vacation.