Category: joy in living

Self-Improvement

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Several days ago, I read an article about doing something to better yourself every day. I was intrigued and shared this with my family members. Everyone assented to the idea, but as of the writing of this blog no one has changed anything about their daily routine. (watching TV, eating out of boredom, and following social media posts). How do we get stuck in such ruts? We want to move forward in life, but we lack the will power or the motivation to get up and go for it. I want to do more to improve myself, how about you? What do you do to improve yourself? (Please share.)

When days go by, and I find I haven’t done any of the things I had planned or thought about doing, I get a little depressed. I become disappointed in myself and frustrated. I usually have no one else to blame but myself. I sit in my recliner watching reruns on TV or playing video games on my phone rather than doing something constructive. I have books to read. I have a blog to update. I have a book to finish. I have people I need to contact for lunch or brunch. I have volunteer work to do. Yet, there I sit vegetating. No creativity, no challenges, no interest, no fun. Why can’t I get moving? Why do I allow myself to fall into a rut of doing nothing? Could it be fear of failure? Could it be lack of motivation? Could it be a medical imbalance? Could it be tiredness from a lack of sleep and rest? Or is it depression manifesting itself again? Sometimes I think it’s all of the above.

My husband works on his art every day when he comes home from his eight-hour job. He says, “Don’t let me get close to my chair, because once that happens, I won’t get anything done.” His recliner is a place of comfort, but it’s also a place of procrastination and complacency. It’s easy to put things off for later. but he doesn’t let that chair conquer his desire to be productive. He can be proud and fulfilled through the process and progress of each finished piece. (www.donwilsonartist900.com) When he does take a break, it’s planned and a much needed.

I finally got out of my rut. I began working on my blog and planning for the completion of my book. I worked on class notes for my GED students and got out of the house to enjoy the spring flowers. I went to the salon and enjoyed a message and mani/pedicure. Doing something to better yourself is not always work, it’s the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, peace, and thoughtfulness (or maybe that’s mindfulness). It is also taking care of your health both physically and mentally. It’s being engaged with others and taking the time to live in the moment. It’s working toward your purpose and using your gifts and talents for the best outcome. It’s feeding your soul with spiritual nourishment.

Self-improvement can take many forms. It can start by freeing up time in your schedule or calendar. You may need to reinstate a reasonable bedtime so that your body gets restorative rest. You may need to change your routines as it relates to eating or device usage. You may need to add some self-care components to your schedule. Perhaps you need to listen to new podcasts or watch some documentaries. You may need to institute some healthy life-giving habits like meditation, exercise, or prayer. You may need to treat yourself to a vacation or a retreat. Perhaps you need to join a group of like-minded people who can communicate in the language of your skills and talents. Whatever you decide, you can always change it if it’s not working. And don’t forget to expect the unexpected. There will be interruptions and I can tell you firsthand they can derail your entire plan. So, don’t be afraid to pick up the pieces and start again.

Self-improvement should never really stop. We should do something to better ourselves every day. It doesn’t have to take hours; it could be the few minutes it takes to read an article. None of us are too young or too old to make changes. None of us are so mentally stagnant that we can’t create new goals personally and professionally. Whatever causes you to fall into a rut of inactivity can be changed by simply making up your mind to take the first small step. For some of us, it’s a daily fight.

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Miracles in the Mundane *

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

            I have always had some disdain for pat sayings like, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.”  First of all, there were no roses in the concrete courtyards where I grew up.  There were also no roses in the deep south where my relatives farmed from sunup to sundown.  So even if I didn’t forget to smell the rose, I couldn’t find the roses.  Yet now, so many years later, I have learned to appreciate such sayings.  Using mental exercises and developing defense mechanisms to overcome and defeat depression, I have learned to smell the proverbial roses.  I call these exercises looking for miracles in the mundane.  

            Looking for the miracles in the mundane started with me noticing how well and whole I felt out in nature.  This is also when my amateur hobby as a photographer began.  Little things that often go unnoticed by others gained my attention.  Questions about those things brought them into greater focus.  Why does that tree’s leaves turn golden in the fall while another tree’s leaves turn red?  How long do turtles swim in the lake with only their little heads at the surface?  Why can’t chickens fly, after all they have wings?  I began snapping pictures of everything that intrigued my curiosity. (Visit the gallery on this site to few a view of my pictures.) Thus, came thousands of pictures of roses, not proverbial roses, but real roses. 

            As I traveled the states fulfilling my bucket list to spend time in all fifty states, I made botanical gardens one of my “must-see” destinations.  Through the camera lens I discovered all roses were not the same.  Their shapes were different.  Their colors varied, and their scents were not the same.  There are so many varieties of roses, and each of them have their own unique characteristics and features.  With a little research, I found out that new roses were being introduced all the time.  Botanists crossbreed certain varieties to develop yet another type of rose. 

As if all these roses weren’t enough, I began to find bugs and butterflies in my photographs.  In Chicago, I found birds in my pictures.  In Alabama, I got sidetracked by waterlilies which lead to ducks, geese, and swans.  Since I’m naturally curious (my kids say my best gift is interrogation), I began researching what birds are indigenous to Georgia.  This started a new hobby, amateur bird watching.  I have photographs of cardinals, robins, woodpeckers, peacocks, geese, a variety of ducks, yellow warblers, blue jays, trashers, and hummingbirds.  Of course, I still don’t know why the males are so colorful while the females are brown or gray.  I suppose it’s a way of protecting the mothers from predators, but I like the idea that the males have to sport their wears to attract the females and keep their attention. 

In nature, one thing always leads to another for me like the pattern of river water flowing over boulders; the snow melt flowing down the mountain side; the colorful fall leaves from tree to tree and state to state; the ebb and flow of ocean water, the beauty of a moth or a butterfly; little brown rabbits eating my mom’s garden plants; baby deer frightened by their own shadow; squirrels playing chase in a nearby tree; pigeons having a parking lot scavenger hunt, and my dog snuggling next to me to chase my blues away.  These are all miracles in the mundane. 

Every day we walk right by miracles:  wildflowers growing on the hillside, children laughing and playing, an elderly couple looking passionately into each other’s eyes, a prism of color in a puddle mixed with motor oil, a lizard sunning himself in the driveway, the brightness of a full moon, the pictures in the clouds floating overhead, and our own reflections in the mirror.  The miracles in the mundane help us to remember there really isn’t anything mundane. 

The mundane is in our way of thinking.  If we allow ourselves to lose interest in the world around us, we miss the miracles.  If we allow ourselves to be thrill seekers, we reduce every miracle to something boring and monotonous.  This becomes our loss.  The best things and people around us go unnoticed not because they are not there, but because we have closed our eyes to the mystery and wonder that surrounds us.  So, here’s my suggestion, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.” 

  • Reprint from DeKalb Voices Review, 2023 with revisions.

Working with The Unexpected

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

This past week I accepted a job as a kindergarten substitute teacher. To my surprise, I had a second-grade class to teach when I arrived. The inner child in me wanted to pitch a fit and leave, but the teacher in me decided to work with the unexpected. That got me wondering how others respond to the unexpected in life. How do you respond to the unexpected? (No, really. Please share.)

Unexpected things in life can be both good and bad. You could get a promotion, that’s good. You could get a pink slip, that’s not so good. The doctor could give you a clean bill of health, or the doctor could pronounce the dreaded disease of cancer. A tree could fall on your house in a storm, or someone could rear end your brand-new car. Your favorite person could pay you a surprise visit. You could find out you’re having twins. The best restaurant ever could go out of business. The one you love could propose. Life is filled with unexpected challenges and pleasures. Sometimes we have to learn to work with them whether we want to or not. We would all rather walk away from disappointment and choose only the “good” things, but that’s not the way of life.

Many years ago, I thought I had achieved my dream occupation as an educator. A friend, my spiritual leader and I joined forces and founded a Chrisitan school. The school grew out of an academic summer camp I had been running for years. We named the school after my great grandparents Will and Mariah Jackson. We started with pre-kindergarten through second grade. Each year we added another grade until we reached grade five. Everything was going well. My godson handled the bookkeeping. My friend’s wife handled the day-to-day office work. The staff was well qualified, and the students were learning and enjoying their teachers and activities. Everything seemed to fall in place. We bought new furnishings for our classrooms from a local school district. A donor gave us enough computers to start a computer lab. This had been my dream for years because my children had been products of this type of school in California. My partner and I were happy with the impact of our little school. Then the unthinkable happened.

One cold winter night, my friend’s wife called me, “He’s gone,” she said. My friend, my spiritual advisor, my business partner had died. Out of nowhere he had a massive heart attack. There were no signs prior to this that warned us. There was no opportunity to bargain or change paths. It was devastating to everyone, especially his wife and family. Grief and sadness filtered down to everyone that knew him – the students, the staff, the members of his congregation, organizational leaders, and even the community at large. Even as I look back now, it hurts my heart. The loss was tremendous, and the empty space could never be filled by another. Eventually, I crumbled, and the school closed.

Why am I talking about this now? Because we live with the unexpected every day. Big things, like the one I just conveyed, and small things like having a cavity. The unexpected is to be expected. Mass shootings at schools, shopping centers, and places of worship; random stray bullets barrowing into homes; senior citizens being scammed out of their life savings; women and children being abducted off the streets, and major companies closing their doors for good are just a few of the unexpected things that can and do occur in our world today. On the flip side there are good, unexpected things as well – new community alliances that pass out food and clothing to the needy; the revitalization of Neighborhood Watch programs; young entrepreneurs creating new jobs; free lunch programs for school-aged children; and unexpected benefactors paying off student debt at the local HBCU. So many unexpected things can happen at any given moment.

Sometimes I find myself trying to explain the world to my 91-year-old mother and my 21-year-old granddaughter. Mom wants to know why things can’t go back to the way they used to be, and my granddaughter wants to know what to expect in the future when things are always changing. Mom experienced loss in so many ways during the pandemic – loss of friends and community, loss of the ability to drive and socialize, loss of freedom – she had to learn to live in a new kind of normal for her own safety. My granddaughter graduated from high school during the pandemic. There was no prom, no graduation ceremony, and no community celebration. Her first semesters at college were spent on-line in the dorm room rather than in person. None of the expected challenges or standards seem to exist in her new world. In other words, mom is trying to adjust to the impersonal world of technology and AI, while my granddaughter is trying to adjust to being thrusted into adulthood with all its responsibilities and none of its former assurances. Each of them – all of us – must learn to work with the unexpected.

We can’t allow the unexpected to leave us halted in fear. We can’t allow the unexpected to styme our growth or our dreams. We shouldn’t just stop in our tracks and wait for the next blessing or disaster to get us moving again. Nor can we allow corruption in high places to corrupt our moral compass and values. We must learn to work with the unexpected, because the unexpected is not going away. We have the tools to do it. We can network with like-minded people. We can elevate our problem-solving skills through study, lectures, think tanks, and podcasts. We can adjust our schedules, become change agents, form or change our inner circles while taking advantage of technology and interpersonal relations. We can work with the unexpected. We simply need to make and stick with a plan to move forward.

I have a friend who says you always need a plan C. C stands for courage, and we all need that when plan A and B fail. Plan C will help us ask for help. Plan C will help us admit it when we are wrong. Plan C will give us the ability to start over. Plan C will allow us to celebrate the victories of others even when our victories stop coming. Plan C will help us navigate and work with the unexpected with a “we can” spirit. In the Words of the Pointer Sisters, and for Women’s History Month, I leave you with the lyrics of their song: “...I know we can make it. I know dare well we can work it out. Oh yes, we can, I know we can, can. Yes, we can, can…” With a little courage, we can work with the unexpected.

Developing Character

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

As an author of short stories, I spend a lot of time trying to develop my characters. Depending on the role each character holds – antagonist, protagonist, comic relief – their character must reflect their thoughts and actions. What is their back story? What is their worldview? What is the driving force behind their emotions and their relationships? Character isn’t just the outward appearance of a person; it is also the inside makeup of that person. If this is true in the world of make believe, how much more is it true for each of us here in the real world?

We are charged with being a person of good character. Whether we have had a great life, or a life filled with hardship, we are tasked with what kind of character we have. Whatever role we play in society, our character is reflected in our interactions and relationships. We have a choice in who we become. We have a choice in what kind of person we want to be. Unlike the characters in my book, we have a say in whether we are what we appear to be. We can construct and develop our own character. 

I do know that some would argue against that last statement. There are many who believe our back story and our environment make us who we are. How many times have I heard that this child or that child is a product of their environment as if one’s environment is made up of a stagnant singular place. What part of one’s environment has the most influence? Home? School? Socio-economic Community? How do we explain the differences in character of people who come from the same “environment.” Why does one person rise to the top while another person scrapes the bottom of the proverbial barrel for a lifetime? One individual chooses to rise above their circumstances. Another person chooses to invest time developing character and high standards of thinking and acting. 

So, what is character? According to the Oxford Dictionary character is: ”the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; strength and originality in a person’s nature; a person’s good reputation.” These qualities include personality, temperament, outlook, and disposition. The question becomes do we control these traits or does some outside force control us like the author of a book. Do we have a say? I think we do. We have the ability to look into the mirror and decide what kind of person we want to be, and we have the ability to change. 

This week I decided it was time to clean my office. In the process I came across my junior high and high school yearbooks. It was interesting to read the comments made by my teachers and peers. Many of these autographed inscriptions spoke to how they saw my future based on my character as a student and friend. One of the characteristics that many of them seemed to pick up on was my ability to shut people out. Some even connected this attribute with my temper and temperament. So, they made statements like: ”If you stop being so evil you will go far.” ”If you let people see the real you, you have a bright future ahead.” Several people said they wished they had gotten to know me better even though we had been classmates from elementary school through high school. I can look at many of these comments and smile, but I also have to take in consideration how much I have changed or not since then. Do I still cut people off? Do I still appear mean and temperamental all these years later? It’s interesting that my closest friends from that era (who are still in my life today) still see me the same way. While friends and colleagues who never knew me before, see me as outgoing and congenial. Very few classmates saw me that way. This speaks to outward appearances as well as personal responses to people and circumstances. 

We can develop our character to present a different set of traits in various situations. Different people may know and see us in different ways than others. Yet, our character should not have a Jekyll and Hyde persona. If we are good moral people, this should be obvious in all circumstances. If we are kindhearted and fair, it should manifest in our speech and actions. If we are reserved and tactful, no one should be able to describe us as radical and outrageous. If we are even tempered and ethical, riotous rage should never explode uncontrollably from our tongue or actions. We can develop our character by our life choices every day. We can change what we don’t like, and we can enhance what we love. Our choices may determine our future successes and defeats as stated by my old autographs, but it may also lead to better and safe communities.  

Some of the ills in our world today go back to character development. Our communities need good characters – persons who consider good citizenship, neighborliness, and moral consistency to be the qualities of maturity and health. As an author, I don’t want to create a book filled with antagonists. This would be a hostile adversarial environment with no relief in sight. How would the story end? More than likely, it would end in self-destruction and hopelessness. Every story needs a protagonist to support and champion a good outcome. Our real world needs more protagonist: heroes, heroines, advocates, champions, opposers of evil and destruction. Character development can help in a mighty way to transform our antagonistic world. 

May we all continue to work on our character and help our youth to develop good character that will transform their lives and ours. Happy MLK Jr. Day!

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”  Martin Luther King Jr.

It’s Not Too Late to Give the Gift of Presence

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I have spent the better part of my life around my elders – my great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, and the elderly members of my church and community. What I know now that I didn’t know then was each one of them gave me an intangible gift of their presence. I was never dismissed or overlooked by them, they made me feel important and interesting. Today, we call that “being seen.” We were not just physically together we were emotionally and spiritually together. They saw me and I learned to see them. They were fully present with me and that is a priceless gift that I still cherish to this day. 

I remember fleeing the city and landing on my great aunt Katie’s porch. It was the one place I could go and feel safe and loved. We had an agreement that she would not tell anyone I was there. She and I would sit on the porch and talk until the lightening bugs came out. Sometimes we just sat and listened to the radio. I wrote lots of letters and sent lots of cards when I couldn’t leave the city. It kept our connection going even across the miles. I had the same kind of relationship with my great uncle Fred. I loved to hear the stories of his travels and his work. He is the only one of my relatives that drove all the way from Tennessee to California to see me. He and I shared a love of gospel music and antique things. I could tell these two people anything in confidence. They listened with their hearts and shared their lives generously. Lord, I miss them, but memories of their presence in my life brings me comfort and peace even now.

These days it seems that we spend far too much time and energy trying to give tangible gifts. We seem to believe material things are the best gifts. Perhaps we have been sucked in by the myriad of commercials that bombard the airways. Or perhaps it’s a matter of convenience, a quick transaction. It takes far less time to purchase a gift card than to sit and commune with someone. At any rate, we tend to use our purchasing power more than our interpersonal interactive power. Things get set aside, regifted, or simply forgotten over time. We tell ourselves it is the sentiment that counts, but is it really? How much more sentiment does the gift of one’s presence give? 

Activities, conversations, and time spent together are invaluable. I love when we sit around the table or in front of the fireplace talking about our experiences and dreams. Conversations that trigger fond and intimate memories is a remarkable treasure. When we spend time laughing or crying with people it creates a special bond. When we share activities together like fishing, or making cookies, or patch working a quilt, or playing a board game, we create memories that can be treasured for years to come. After the gift card is spent, or the gift is exchanged or packed away, the moment fades away and becomes a vague recollection of the season or occasion of the little time spent with the people we associate with. 

The tangible gifts we can recall are the gifts of thoughtfulness. Perhaps you received a handmade gift from your grandchild or a well-thought-out gift from a friend who knows all your favorite things. These kinds of gifts have presence attached to them. The giver knows you, loves you, and carefully chooses what they know you will like and cherish. For example, one of my dear friends and prayer partner gave me a beautiful glass bluebird last year. This year, she gave me an artist drawn calendar of birds for 2024. She knows I love birds and I’m an amateur bird watcher. There was no particular occasion, she saw these things and thought of me. Why? Because we have given each other the gift of presence for a number of years. She knows me. She cares for me. Just thinking of her right now brings a smile to my face. We have taken the time to invest in our friendship – real time and real communion. 

It’s not too late to give the gift of presence to someone in your life. Perhaps there is that friend you have been meaning to call and catch up with. Perhaps there is a relative you saw at the last family funeral, and you said: “Let’s not meet this way again, let’s get together soon.” Perhaps there’s an elderly neighbor who could use a little company every week or so. Or maybe there is someone in your life who has given you the gift or their presence and you’ve not taken the time to tell them what they mean to you. The gift of presence is intangible. The value of presence is an indescribably investment – one that you can carry with you for the rest of your life. 

Someone you know needs the gift of presence not because it’s the season of giving and getting, but because there is nothing like being known and seen, honored and appreciated, received and treasured. When you give the gift of presence you leave an indelible mark of true companionship and comradery that is priceless and continues to give for a lifetime. As long as you have breath, it’s never too late to give the gift of presence. 

May the New Year bring you many gifts of presence and in this case, it really is better to give than just receive. Happy 2024. 

Holiday Sensitivity

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

This is the time of year when everyone is bombarded by holiday sales and decorations weeks before the holidays begin. Everywhere you look there is red, green, gold, blue, and silver garland. Toys and small appliances sit on the end caps of every store shelf. Even the piped-in music invades the atmosphere with subliminal messages of whimsical dreams, glee, and laughter. Before we get off to a bad start, I want you to know I am not intrinsically opposed to any of this (well maybe the sales campaigns and ads); I am just calling for some sensitivity during these seasons of holiday cheer. 

During the week of the national Thanksgiving holiday, we lost one of the matriarchs of our family. Her death was very disheartening not only because it was unexpected, but because of what she represented in our family legacy. She was the last of my maternal great grandfather children. As we grieved and prepared for her memorial and the celebration of her life, I was struck by the incongruent sentiments of condolences and “Happy Thanksgiving.” People asked, how was our Thanksgiving, did we cook a lot, eat a lot, or host a large gathering. At times I felt trapped between my own grief and trying not to dampen the spirits of people who were enjoying the holiday season. They meant well and were simply pursuing polite conversation, but I was not in the mood for it. I wondered if they even noticed my countenance or my monosyllabic responses. Few were sensitive to my hesitations; even co-workers didn’t seem to notice the strain. 

There I was trying to be sensitive to the needs of others by keeping my bereavement to myself. There I was trying to make sure I didn’t spoil their holiday cheer. I reasoned with myself; they didn’t know my great aunt. They wouldn’t understand what she meant to our family legacy. They certainly weren’t in the mood for a long explanation concerning the impact of her death. So, the sensitive thing for me to do was grin and bear it. Right? The aftermath of this was a reminder that everyone is not experiencing a season of cheer just because it is listed on the calendar. 

Upon reflection, it occurred to me that sensitivity is needed more than ever. First and foremost, we don’t all celebrate the same holidays. There are at least twenty-nine (29) holidays between November 1st and January 15th for seven major religions. These include national, cultural, local, and international days of celebration. Secondly, many people are limited in how they participate in holiday events. Socio-economic circumstances, health issues, as well as displacement from home and family can affect one’s participation.  When you are struggling to survive financially, holidays are not a top priority. When you are struggling with chronic disease or dis-ease, cheer may evade you. Yet, we often overlook these things when we are focused on ourselves and our own expression of the seasons in our lives. 

Holiday sensitivity doesn’t mean we have to stop celebrating our own special days, weeks, or months, but it does mean we should allow space for those who do not share our enthusiasm. We can pay attention to the needs of others. We can watch how they respond when we greet them. We can ask questions about their lives and their celebrations. We can practice attentiveness. Does the person we are talking to seem sad or confused? Does the person seem preoccupied or different in any way from their “normal” selves? Perhaps they are less talkative. Perhaps they have something to share with you. Perhaps they are trying to be sensitive toward you while you are not being sensitive toward them. 

I was brought up in the generation where we were taught to look a person in the eye when you speak with them or when they speak to you. You can learn a lot by making eye contact with people and observing their body language. (Things you’ll never get from a test message, but that’s a subject for another day.) Holiday sensitivity reminds us to be careful not to offend others and at the same time not to be easily offended. ”Happy Holidays,” are not words of challenge. It simply acknowledges the possibility that we may or may not celebrate the same calendar days. If a person greets you with a specific holiday expression, accept the fact that this is their time of celebration. Their oversight usually isn’t personal. Most of all understand that many people are struggling with day-to-day stresses and pressure. Depression, inflation, grief, heartache, or other issues of anxiety may be a hinderance to their attention to celebratory situations around them. They may require a little empathy on our part. They may require a hand-up or a handout on our part. They may require genuine concern and friendship from us. They may sincerely require and desire to be included in our community and in our celebrations. Let’s be more sensitive to the needs of other whether it’s a regular day, a holy day, or a holiday. It will make for a better community. 

Be kind. Be neighborly. Be sensitive to those around you. Peace and Good Cheer to all. 

Mrs. Hadester Gregory
9/10/31 – 11/24/23

Milestone Celebrations

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

This past Saturday, my youngest son got married. In May my oldest granddaughter will graduate from college, and my middle granddaughter will graduate from high school. My oldest grandson will turn 21, and my youngest grandson will be headed to kindergarten. In July, my entire family will convene in Detroit for our family reunion, and in August, my husband and I will celebrate 45 years of marriage. All of these events are what people call major milestones. All of these events require some form of celebration because they are important life experiences. Graduations, the birth of a child, birthdays, winning playoffs, and retirements are all good reasons to celebrate. By definition, they are milestones in a person’s life (“an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development” Webster). Yet, some days it feels like a major milestone just to get out of bed. (Perhaps that just me.)

When you become a certain age, you began to count small victories as great milestones. Every day that my 91-year-old mom gets up and is physically and mentally able to care for herself, we take a victory lap. Every day that I conquer depression and function as a wife, daughter, teacher, author and friend is a day to celebrate in song. (Singing and music is my muse.) What may seem minor to others may be great events in your eyes. Things like overcoming negative self-talk and maintaining peace in the midst of other people’s chaos calls for a celebration. Being able to stay on budget and plan a vacation or getting a good report from the doctor can be a personal milestone. The size of the celebration may not warrant lots of party hoopla, but these events are worthy of a festive observance. You can celebrate with a glass of wine (my favorite standby) or have lunch with a friend. You can plan a special date night or make a positive social media post. Another favorite of mine is to journal my gratitude, listen to my favorite playlist, or get dressed up and take myself out on the town.

So what if you didn’t start a new job or get that promotion, you are still worth celebrating. So, you lost five pounds instead of 15, that’s a step in the right direction, congratulate yourself. The small wins in life are just as important as the huge milestones. Acknowledge the pebbles that lead to the stones. Short-term goals lead to accomplishing long-term goals. You are still on planet earth; you made it through a pandemic, it’s time to celebrate. If you are still above water in these inflationary times, that’s quite an accomplishment. If you can count five people who truly love and care for you, that’s extraordinary. If you have finally seen one of your goals come to fruition, celebrate. If you have peace in your soul and contentment in your heart, I’d say that deserves special recognition.

Small milestones (pebbles) may not lead to bigger milestones (mountains), but when you acknowledge the small things, it will be harder for disappointment to bring you down. Thoughts like I didn’t hit a home run, but I made it to second base is a lot different from I’m not very good at baseball. Things didn’t go the way I planned them today, but tomorrow is a new day, and I’m going to give it all I’ve got is a different thought process from I never win, nothing ever goes my way. I haven’t finished my latest book, but I finished this blog, cheers to me! I’m going to sit on the front porch with a glass of wine, the novel I’m reading, and enjoy the moment. The birds will sing. The chipmunks will scatter, and I will be happy that I accomplished this small thing today.

What little pebbles have you overlooked? Did you control your temper today? Did you release your anxieties through mindfulness exercises? Did you enjoy a garden salad and skip the decadent chocolate cake? Did you have a communication breakthrough with your wayward child or your significant other? Did someone tell you how much they love you? Did you get through rush hour without an accident or crisis? Did you find some old pictures that brought sweet memories and made you smile? What can you find to celebrate today? Trust me, there’s always a reason to be grateful, and there’s always a reason to celebrate.

Slow down! Reflect! Be grateful! Celebrate life.

Real Effort

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

One thing you notice as a teacher is the students who are making a real effort. That doesn’t mean all their answers are perfect or that they are the best students in the room. It means they are doing their best to meet the goal; they are determined to give it their best shot. I am always proud of these students. I also try to encourage them to continue their hard work because it will pay off in the end. There may be delayed gratification, but real effort leads to real achievement.

It takes real effort to improve our status. Unfortunately, too many of us give lip service to real effort while doing as little as possible. Our contribution to the finished product is minuscule. We do just enough work to get by or to keep others from saying we didn’t do anything. We don’t seem to realize we are shortchanging ourselves. Every accomplishment leads to new heights of understanding and confidence. Hard work and success enriches our lives and informs our character.

Collaborative learning came on the scene several years ago in all the high schools and colleges (also used in elementary education today). Courses were designed for students to work in small groups and to finish projects as a team. One student came to me totally frustrated. Her complaint was about the slackers in her group. Apparently, they had had an initial meeting where it was decided what each member of the group was responsible to do. They also scheduled several follow-up meetings to check their progress and prepare responses for the discussion board. At the first scheduled meeting only three of the eight students showed up, one being my student. At the second meeting five people showed up, but only the original three had anything done. The professor was checking the discussion board, but no one from this group had submitted any responses. They received a written reminder and reprimand from the professor. Discussion board participation was part of the overall grade. My student said she and her other two classmates were going to try to do the whole project by themselves in order to get a passing grade. I advised her to take all of their finished work and their assignment lists to the professor rather than three people trying to do the work of eight people. The professor listened to the three students and assigned them to another group where some of the work they had done could be used. The new group of ten people did quite well on their oral presentation and received a “B” on their written presentation. The remaining five students from the first group ended up arguing in front of the whole class during their oral presentation. I don’t know what grades they received but I do know they were called to a meeting with their professor. I do know that all this drama could have been avoided if everyone in the group had put forth some real effort.

We need real effort in our society today. We can’t just give lip service to humanity, equality, and civility. We must put forth some real effort in non-violent communication. We must put real effort into active listening, empathy, and cultural awareness. Harmony and respect take effort. Understanding and advancement requires teamwork where everyone is doing their part. Civic duty, volunteerism, and neighborly conduct is just the beginning.

When I am writing a story or a poem, I am always aware of the universal themes that underlie the specifics of the project. Love, family, community, dreams, hopes, legacy, inheritance, work and struggle are experiences and desires that transcend time and class. We all want our children to thrive. We all want our communities to be safe. We want our families to prosper. We want our leaders to lead with integrity. We want to reap the benefits of our labor. All these things require real community effort. We all have the opportunity to contribute to our societal whole. We have an assignment to fulfill as members of the human team. When I was younger, we called this good citizenship. My school district calls it community shareholders. The consequence of no effort is severe and affects every area of our society.

When I was in junior high (it’s called middle school today), our choir director taught us a beautiful song that I still remember to this day. The first lines of the song say: “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. Let there be peace on earth the peace that was meant to be . . .” (Listen to the whole song here: Let There be Peace on Earth) Real effort begins with me, but it ends with all of us doing our part to bring harmony to our Beloved Community. “It takes a village” can no longer be a slogan, it must be a reality. It needs to be a work in progress each and every day if we are going to create a better society.

Promote kindness. Live peacefully. Cultivate charity. Learn to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Give it some real effort. Peace!

Be a lighthouse. Light the way for the next generation.

New Beginnings

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

For teachers and students, the month of August (in Geogia) always marks the season of new beginnings: a new school year, a new grade level for some, and definitely new opportunities. New beginnings come in all types of ways, but we have to be open to receiving them. That means our attitude and our expectations have to line up with the new potentials and new possibilities. If we don’t expect anything new, we may miss out because our negative perspective blocked our view. That’s why it’s important to keep an open mind and a positive outlook.

At the school where I used to work, we had a motto that the students and staff recited every morning. The part I like the most is: “Today is a new day and a fresh start, I will strive for excellence. I will do my part.” Every day is a new beginning. We have the opportunity to do things differently than we did them before. Very rarely do things just happen, we have to put some effort in the outcome we want to have. A fresh start calls for fresh and renewed effort. There is a joy in knowing yesterday is over and done, but today is new – a day whose outcome is not predetermined. It’s a day of possibilities yet unrealized. I know that sounds like an over optimistic mantra, but it really is true if we allow ourselves the opportunity to act on it. Too much reflection over past failures can stop us dead in our tracks. At the same time too much fear and anxiety about the future can stifle our progress. Today is the day of recourse. Today is the day of fresh starts.

One of my former students was devastated when she failed the written portion of the driver’s license test. To her knowledge, she was the only one of her friends who failed. I also think her self-image had been damaged since she was a high achiever and honor student. I asked her what went wrong, but she didn’t have an answer. She just kept saying, “I failed.” Eventually I ascertained the problem. She had assumed much of the test was commonsense. She had pursued the driver’s manual but had not truly studied the material. Together we laid out a plan of study and a practice test. She was well prepared for the retest in my opinion; however, she was trapped in fear. She kept saying, “What if I fail again? I won’t be able to take the test again. This is my last chance.” She was projecting her past unto her future. She wasn’t defeated by her study habits or her ability to perform. She was defeated by her negative thought life. I call that “stinking thinking.”

Teachers spend a lot of time trying to convince students that they can accomplish their goals. It is part of our job to overcome their fears and inhibitions, especially since we are constantly introducing new concepts. This is particularly hard with adult students. (I teach Language Arts through Reasoning for GED students now.) Young children believe you when you tell them they can do it. Encouragement and praise will motivate them to try their best. Adults, on the other hand, rely far more on their past experiences than anything you say. Statements like, “I’ve never been good at math; I’m not a good writer or speller; reading is not my strong suit; I just don’t get it!” spew from their lips. Why don’t they say, “I’m going to get it this time, I’m not giving up, this is my time to finish strong”? It’s because they don’t see their effort as a new beginning, they see it as a continuation of old conditions.

Well, my student retook the written portion of the driver’s test, she passed with flying colors. She was more surprised than anyone else. She fully expected to fail even though she had dedicated real time to studying the manual. I hope she walked away with a life lesson which she can apply to the rest of her challenges, but I’m not sure she did. Yet, I will continue to encourage my students to embrace the motto: “Today is a new day and a fresh start. I will strive for excellence; I will do my part.”

How about you? Do you still have a dream or goal that you haven’t seen come to fruition? Is it because of “stinking thinking?” Is it because you are stuck on the conditions of the past? Have you become fearful of failure, worrying about things that have yet to happen? Are the words of a negative cheerleader, a naysayer, ringing in your ear? Guess what? This is a new opportunity for you to try again. It’s time for a new beginning from a new you. You are not the same person you were years ago. (I don’t think any of us are the same since the Pandemic.) You bring more experiences and knowledge to the table. You have more connections and networks to glean from and receive help. Ignite the fire in your heart. Tell yourself “I can do this! This is a new day! I can make a fresh start.”

One of my mentors in the faith always used the motto below. I hope you will try it out along with the school motto above. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life, give it your best shot!” (In loving memory of D. A. Anderson) Take it from someone who has to overcome internal obstacles and external time constraints to achieve my goals as a writer, a teacher, a wife, a daughter, and a friend, new beginnings are a blessing every single day, and right now I’m giving it my best shot. (Even in this run-on sentence.) Peace.

Running to Win

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The July 4th is the day for the annual AJC Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta. People come from near and far to participate in this event. There are professional (elite) racers as well as amateurs. There’s a wheelchair event and an event for children. There are also walkers. Some people belong to groups while others are totally on their own, but everyone participates with enthusiasm and commitment. The challenge and the goal is to finish your race whether it’s the 50m Dash, the 5K, the 8K, Half Marathon, Marathon, or 1 mile. It’s a race where everyone wins because everyone has a different reason for participating.

The Peachtree Road Race is known as one of the largest 10K events. Over 50,000 people registered and participated in this edition (the 54th) of the race, but the racers aren’t the only people out there. Family and friends stand on the side lines and at the finish line. There are volunteers who pass out water and offer first aid. Others are simply cheering the runners on, encouraging the runners to accomplish their goals. There is also a police presence offering safety and protection to all the participants, vendors, and audience. News teams are there from every network to report the significance of the event and to record the historical moments. They interview and report individual and group stories of runners and walkers who have never missed a race, or who may be running for the first time; these are human interest stories.

The elite runners are running to win a monetary reward as well as to break records of speed and endurance. Others are competing with themselves for better time or just the ability to make it to the finish line. Some are running in memory of a dearly departed loved one. Some are continuing a tradition as their way to celebrate Independence Day every year. Others are celebrating the significant milestone of surviving cancer, a heart attack, or some form of trauma. Many are simply enjoying the comradery of being among diverse people from ages 10 to 92. Everyone is racing to achieve their personal goals and accomplish their personal dreams.

Wouldn’t it be marvelous if each of us could enter our everyday responsibilities and routines with this same attitude? What if there was comradery alongside competition in the workplace? What if there was celebration over everyone’s accomplishments in school and at work, even if they are different from the elite standard? How wonderful would it be to have cheerleaders, and helpers on the sideline cheering us on to accomplish our personal goals? Is it possible to make room for multigenerational persons with diverse abilities in the marketplace and domestic life? Could we adopt the ethic, mood, and spirit of this one-day celebration as the norm in society or am I hoping for too much?

We all have a race to run. The timing of our race and the distance of our race may be different, but the finish line is the same. We want to accomplish our goal of a good and peaceful life. We want to provide safety and opportunity for our children. We want to make it to a healthy ripe old age and leave an inheritance for our loved ones. We want to enjoy our relationships and celebrate every milestone of accomplishment with them. We want to be free to run our race, and we want to win by doing our personal best. The commitment is personal, yet it requires comradery and community – everyone doing their part. This is not just idealism; this is a prayer for change.

Keep moving forward. Understand you are not alone. Cheer for someone along the way. Celebrate the effort and the accomplishments of those around you. Offer a helping hand to the young and the old. Congratulate yourself and others. Be willing to try again. That’s running to win.