Tag: community

The Gift that Everyone Needs

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Tis the season for gift giving, whether you celebrate Hannukah, Las Posadas, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or a Hallmark “every day is a holiday” creation. People are buying gift cards, and trinkets to make someone they care about feel the joy of the season. Yet, it is said, “The best things in life are free.” (Interestingly this saying is credited to Coco Chanel who also famously added, “the second-best things are very, very expensive.”) I believe this is true, “the best things in life are free” as it relates to dollars and cents, and one of those best things is the gift of presence.

Presence is showing up, the state of being in place, being in attendance – it is a physical and spiritual thing. (Check out the etymology of the word in a dictionary.) In other words, you are singularly focused on being in a place with another person or people – mind, body, and soul. This is important because too often we consider ourselves present when our minds are elsewhere; like when you see a couple at dinner and they are both on their cell phones. Their bodies are in the right place, but their focus is not. They are really not present with one another. Being present requires us to fully give of ourselves – to be engaged. Our senses, our attention, and our focus is for the person or people we are with. We intentionally show up mentally and emotionally as well as physically. Each of us are seen and heard and appreciated. This is the gift that everyone needs, and I would like to think that everyone wants.

Presence is the gift that keeps on giving. When all the holiday decoration is gone and the parties are over, presence lingers on and creates a chain for future connections. It’s a gift that both the recipient and the giver can enjoy simultaneously, and it’s a gift that can be renewed over and over again. In today’s society, we need to make meaningful connections with the people in our lives and community. We need to know one another more intimately rather than make unwarranted assumptions about one another. We need to identify our commonalities, and form cherish-able memories. We need to let one another know how valuable our relationships are before we have regrets and before it’s too late. Every relationship requires a certain amount of presence to thrive.

If there are special people in your life (children, parents, spouses, siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers, merchants, mentors, ministers, club members, charitable servants, etc.) it’s not too late to give the gift of presence to someone in your life. Perhaps there is that friend you have been meaning to call and catch up with. Perhaps there is a relative you saw at the last family funeral, and you said: “Let’s not meet this way again, let’s get together soon.” Perhaps there’s an elderly neighbor who could use a little company every now and then. Or maybe there is someone in your life who has given you the gift of their presence and you’ve not taken the time to tell them what they mean to you. The gift of presence is intangible. It doesn’t wear out or go out of style. The value of presence is an indescribably investment – one that you can carry with you and distribute for the rest of your life. 

Someone you know needs the gift of presence not because it’s the season of giving and getting, but because there is nothing like being known and seen, honored and appreciated, received and treasured. When you give the gift of presence you leave an indelible mark of true companionship and comradery that is priceless and continues to give for a lifetime. As long as you have breath, it’s never too late to give the gift that everyone needs. 

May the New Year bring you many gifts of presence and in this case, it really is better to give than to receive. Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Los Posadas, Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa Peace. Blessings in the New Year.

 

An Indelible Mark

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

During a recent author talk, I found myself talking about the investment that my ancestors made in my life. Because they allowed me to be curious and took the time to answer my incessant questions, they each contributed to the person I am and am becoming. The husky laugh of my great grandfather, the supernatural patience of my great grandmother, the academic prodding of my grandmother, the fervent prayers of my mother, the proud recitations of my great uncle – all these things and much more have left an indelible mark on my life and my worldview. This seems like the way it should be – each generation leaving their mark on the next. So, I ask myself, what kind of mark am I leaving. Am I truly investing my life wisely, practically, and usefully in the generations around me?

At that same author talk, one of the parents of a student I taught in preschool and prekindergarten many years ago was present. Her daughter is now in college and has become quite the young lady. Her mom thanked me for laying the foundation for her daughter’s academic success. I couldn’t help but wonder if her daughter felt the same. Would she remember me the way I remember her. She was a bright and curious child, eager to please and filled with love and laughter. Beyond the academics, we laughed and danced, sang and read, and used the scientific method to investigate everything. She was one of many groups of children that have crossed my path as an educator and caregiver. I can only hope my methods left a positive impact on their young lives.

Not too long ago, I went into a bank to make a deposit for my mom. She and I stood in the line for several minutes before being called to a window. The young man at the window greeted us both by name before we presented any documentation. He said, “You don’t remember me, do you?” I had to admit I did not, nor did my mom. He introduced himself and told us he remembered us from a summer camp experience when he was in elementary school. He and his sister attended the program two years in a row. I ran the summer camp, and my mother ran the cafeteria program. He said, “Those were the best summers of our lives. I will never forget the field trips, the science experiments, and the kick ball games as long as I live. I wish y’all were still around for my kids.” Wow! I stood there proud and amazed. The summer camp and all its employees had left an indelible mark on this young man’s life.

I had a similar experience at Wal-Mart. This time there were two young men. One was a customer and the other a cashier. The customer said, “Aren’t you Ms. Wilson?” I hesitantly said yes. Then he said to the cashier, I told you so. I said, “You have me at a disadvantage who are you?” The customer started singing, O Holy Night. I laughed. During the years, when I worked for Will-Mariah Christian School he had sang O Holy Night for several of our Christmas programs. He was the older brother of one of our students. The cashier said you probably don’t know me, but you taught my little brother, and he told me his name. Little B (I’m withholding names because I didn’t get permission to use them. B was not his real name.) was hyperactive and very bright. He ran the teachers ragged and was sent to my office on a regular basis, but I never gave up on him. “OMG,” I said, “How is he, how’s your mom?” “He’s doing well, better than me. He joined the military and is stationed in N. Carolina. Mom is good. I can’t wait to tell her I saw you.” I not sure what kind of impact our school and staff had on these two siblings of our students, but apparently something touched them and stuck out in their minds; something that they had not forgotten over the years.

Each of us have an opportunity to leave an indelible mark. It doesn’t have to be academic in nature. It can be an act of kindness or sharing a story, a bit of food, or finances. It can be conversations or visits to a nursing home or children’s ward at a hospital. Encouraging words and expressions of faith in someone’s ability may be just the thing to make a marked and positive impact in someone’s life. Being a source of comfort or inquiry – a safe place for questions to be asked or secrets to be shared can leave an indelible mark which can be passed on to others by your example. It’s all about taking the time to invest your life in the lives of others – your time, talent, and treasure. (https://bene-log.com/2020/01/16/personal-investments/) It’s all about letting people know they are worth it. It’s about giving the gift of presence and wanting the best for others. (https://bene-log.com/2023/12/28/its-not-too-late-to-give-the-gift-of-presence/) Like all good things this can start at home and spread abroad.

What kind of mark are you leaving on your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews? What if the only marks being left are negative and ugly – the marks of the world around them, rather than the marks of those who love them? Do we really want the marks that cannot be removed, erased, or forgotten to be all negative? I certainly don’t. I may not be able to stop those who choose to be the devil’s advocate, but I can certainly do my part to leave a legacy of positive impact. That’s what Bene-Log is all about – leaving a good word wherever I can.

Here’s a quote to live by: “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” – John Wesley

Now that’s a good word! PEACE!

My mom and I

Hurry Up and Stop

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I live in a rush-rush world. Everything feels like hurry up and do this or go there, but sometimes I have to make myself stop. While outside sources place demands on my life, I have to place demands on my own life as well for self-care, and nurturing relationships, and maintaining sanity. Because of my need for inner peace and wholeness I have to give up hurrying and simply stop the rush-rush life.

It is no wonder people call life a “rat race.” Like the rat running through a maze to get the cheese we have become accomplishment addicts. Some of us are chasing power and prestige while others are chasing prosperity and possessions. None of these pursuits are wrong until they become all consuming, so much so that our health and well-being is failing and our relationships are inconsequential. I saw some very shocking statistics the other day. It said only 2.7% of American adults have healthy lifestyles (Mayo Clinic Proceedings) meaning many of us struggle with chronic illnesses that could be prevented. Wow! Just 2.7%, the rest of us are too busy for self-care and healthy choices. (Check out the reports of the USDA, CDC, and the Bloomberg Healthiest Country Index.) Likewise, the number of divorces has increased annually (Modern Family Law, Purdue University) and our teens and young adults are dying by suicide at an alarming rate. (Jed Foundation, CDC, Yale School of Medicine). In other words, families are in crisis and people are self-destructing. Is this really the benefit of the Pursuit of Happiness? Are the “rat race” outcomes worth dying for?

Even if you don’t believe the statistics try taking a survey of your friends and family, your coworkers and neighbors, your classmates and associates. How many of them are dealing with chronic diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and cardiopulmonary issues? How many of them have ulcers and migraines? How many of them have problems in their marriage or have been married more than two times? How many of them have “wayward” children, troubled teenagers or babies in daycare eight to eleven hours a day? What are the mental health issues among your inner circle? Don’t forget to count yourself in the survey. Chasing the dream without balance is costly in a variety of ways. The rats want to live long enough to enjoy the cheese, right? That’s why it’s past time to hurry up and stop.

I have been struggling with insomnia for about a month. Everyone keeps asking me what am I worried or anxious about. My doctor suggest upgrading my antidepressants. My nutritionist suggested giving up caffeine and chocolate. Other well meaning friends suggested chamomile, melatonin, warm milk, a cruise, and a spiritual retreat. All these helpful ideas required some soul searching on my part. Was I stressing or worrying over something consciously or unconsciously? Was I depressed beyond my usual levels and struggles with depression? Was this the source of my inability to sleep? Had I increased my intake of caffeine or chocolate over the past couple of months, if so was that related to anxiety? I finally came to the conclusion that it was none of those things. What I needed was time for myself and to myself. This is not a new concept for me, I just have to remind myself from time to time. I needed quality time away from all the outside sources that were plaguing me to do, to go, and to be on call and in action 24/7. I needed to stop trying to be all things to all people and become my own self-advocate to rest, relax, and recreate. I love the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of recreate. It says, “to give new life or freshness, to refresh.” That’s exactly what I needed – to refresh my soul.

For those of you who follow me on social media you’ve seen my bird drawings. Drawing brings me inner joy and peace, mostly because I’m not thinking about anything else. I can’t multitask and draw. I can’t concentrate on anything except the shading, the lines, the colors, and bringing the bird to life. For me, self-care is not just getting a manicures or pedicures or a message. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but they are not enough. That’s just outside care like paint on a broke down car. Self-care starts on the inside. It is nurturing my mind with the sacred word or a good book, It’s using my creative skills to crochet a gift for a friend or family member. It’s spending time with my husband listening to a nice jazz combo. It’s going out to dinner with my mom and discovering new restaurants outside of our community. It’s sitting or walking on the bank of a river or lake feeling the elements on my skin and enjoying the Creator’s tapestry. It’s snapping pictures of wildlife and flowers. (View my gallery.) It’s bird watching, playing with children, spending time with my grand children and the people I love. It’s praying while I gaze into the morning sky or while listening to the night sounds. These things nurture my soul and fuel my ability to do the things I do in the marketplace and in the community. These things help me to work from a place of fullness rather than laboring from a place of emptiness. These things enrich my life so that my contentment and joy does not rest solely on what I am able to accomplish in a day or a week or a year. These things stabilize my health, my relationships, and my spiritual wellbeing. These things give me a refresh after the outside sources have tried to suck the life out of me. All I have to do is hurry up and stop the striving, and the multitasking, and the plethora of communication through technology, and the non-stop priorities of outside sources until I can achieve balance with my own priorities.

We have the ability to change our expectations of ourselves and at the same time change the expectation of others. So much of what we do is because we have allowed ourselves and others to think overworked, overstimulated,, and over committed is the norm. Just as we learned to believe these things about ourselves, we (and they) can learn to believe something different, They can learn that we are talented but our time for work is limited. They can learn that we have fortitude and tenacity but we also have personal priorities. They can learn that our start time also has a stop time when we minister the word “no” with firmness and care. They can even learn to hurry up and stop themselves.

Tell me what you think about all this? I’d love to hear from you.

PEACE AND RESTORATION

“We’re not just designed just to work all day and run a rat race. We’re designed to be in community, to volunteer, to vote, to raise our kids. And I think the more inputs and investments we can give in people to do those things, the better off we are as a community.” – Michael Tubbs

My drawing of a Baltimore Oriole

What Do You See?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

It’s weird to me that you don’t realize how much your vision has changed until you get a new pair of glasses. It’s like the room lights up or gets brighter with your new lens. It’s really amazing the difference it can make. Yet, we may put off getting an eye exam until we have to admit we aren’t seeing things as clearly as we should. That was me; I put off eye surgery until it was evident that I couldn’t see clearly enough to drive or read among other things. I had no choice I had to do something about my vision.

Have you ever asked yourself, what am I not seeing? Even when we have 20/20 vision, we may not be seeing things as clearly as we should or understand what we do see. In the early years of my marriage, I remember my husband, who is a fine artist, trying to get me to see the many colors of green in nature. At first, I couldn’t see it. Green was green, but finally I began to notice the distinctions between dark green, light green, yellow green, and so forth. For the first time all the colors in a box of crayons made sense to me. I’m serious, I always asked myself why anyone needed more than eight crayons; a box of twenty-four or more was crazy to me. There were all these varied colors around me, but I was not seeing them. Whenever someone would point out something that I hadn’t seen or noticed I would simply say, “I’m not a visual person, I’m more of an auditory person.” The truth was probably I didn’t want to see it or didn’t care enough to look.

I wonder how many other people are like that. They either don’t see or can’t see the world around them. Perhaps they have never been challenged to really look for the subtle nuisances like my husband challenged me to see the color green. Perhaps they need a corrective lens to truly see the things around them. Or maybe they believe it is crazy to care about such things – that involvement and participation is like a box of sixty-four crayons, too excessive. However, if a positive difference is going to be made in our Beloved Community we must refocus our eyes and understand what’s really happening around us, around our children, and around our world not just globally but communally.

Certain life events have a way of opening our eyes. The Pandemic was one of those events. It not only helped us to see how quickly disease could spread, but it also helped us to see the education of our children in a different light. It showed us the vulnerability of the senior citizens in our community, and it exposed the necessity and sacrifice of what we now call “first responders” and “critical workers.” It also showed us how rural areas were cut off from necessary resources including technology. Our eyes were opened to mental health issues in every age group as well. For sure, the Pandemic made us see some things for the first time. However, many of those things were right before our eyes before the Pandemic and are still quite visible after the Pandemic so we have to ask ourselves “What am I not seeing and why am I not seeing it?”

Grief is raging in the lives of families who have suffered lost whether by natural disasters, accidents, or unexpected violence. Fear has a grip on our children and our senior adults because the definition of safety is ever changing. Scarcity is challenging the security of families whose jobs no longer offer longevity or elevation in pay or position. Every community is experiencing a shortage of peace offices, firefighters, nurses, and teachers. Politics on all sides has become a competition of rhetoric and citizens are becoming disillusioned with the whole process. So, what are we looking at and what will it take for us to see what is really going on? More importantly, how are we going to respond to what we see? And if you are an auditory person like me, how will we respond to what we hear?

I’ve learned from my husband and my art instructor that lighting makes a big difference in how a work is perceived. When the light is right it can highlight the details, but when it’s not right it can cause the observer to miss the details and other components of the art. Perhaps we are waiting for others to shine the light on the needs of our community but waiting has a price that we cannot afford. If we treasure our families and our communities, we must be willing to take a good look around us and activate our citizenry through volunteerism, through civic involvement, through educating others, and through challenging everyone in our sphere of influence to do the same.

What do I see? I see opportunities to do better. I see legacy in our elders. I see possibilities in posterity. I see work for my hands to do. What about you? What do you see? I would love to hear from you.

The color green is associate with nature, growth, and vitality. Figuratively, I hope we will all see more of the color green in our world. Peace and Restoration.

World Building

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

In an author’s life world building is about the back story, setting, and atmosphere where the characters come to life. We create a world out of pure fantasy or by capturing an actual historical place. World building has its place in every genre. In some cases, the world of a story has a life of its own; this is particularly evident in Sci-fi and Gothic stories. Thinking about world building is something I do all the time, but not just for writing. I believe many of us do think about world building and also dream about it, even if we don’t do anything about it. We all want something out of our world that will bring satisfaction, achievement, and accomplishment. It’s called the “Pursuit of Happiness.”

From my teens through my college years, I dreamed of the world I wanted to live in. It included a small farmhouse, a few horses, a couple of dogs, and about ten children. I remember writing the names of those ten kids in my journal – six girls and four boys. The farm would encompass about three or four acres so I could have orchards and a very large vegetable garden. The whole thing would be fenced in by a white latticed fence and my children and animals could run freely all across the property. The house would sit right in the middle of those acres giving me privacy from my neighbors and road traffic. Of course, I would be a famous author and travel to the big city when needed. I truly believed this dream would come true if I kept the vision in my heart and mind (as well as my journal). I still think about that world today and part of it still appeals to me (minus the ten kids. lol) Needless to say it never happened. Why? Because I never put feet to it. I didn’t pursue any of it; I just dreamed and hoped for it.

Our world is a lot like that today. We dream and hope for a better world, a better environment, and a better life but we really don’t pursue it. We talk about it. We complain about it. We even throw up our hands in defeated doubt about it, but we rarely do anything about it. We seem to have forgotten that our world exists on every level because somebody put action to their hopes and dreams. Every community, every building, every machine, and yes, every riot, war, and charitable organization had a world builder behind it. Often times it starts with something small perhaps staking a claim on a small parcel of land or trying to make a laborious task easier and safer. Or maybe it started with a plan to get from point A to point B just a little faster. Real world builders are motivated by creating change and impacting the lives of others (including their own).

On a small scale, many of us are world builders. We try to make our lives successful according to cultural standards. We buy certain homes, and pursue certain careers or jobs, and join certain organizations all with the hope of a better or good life. We network and participate on social media platforms in order to project our arrival and aspirations for a better existence in our world. We choose our associates and life partners to support the image of this good life. These pursuits require a daily grind to keep up our fabricated world. Unfortunately, there are flaws and cracks in this system of world building with an ever-changing social and political culture. Too often, this world is not truly the world we hoped it would be.

For me, world building starts at home. While it’s not the farmhouse I once dreamed of, it is my sanctuary. I set out to have a peaceful and comfortable home. I wanted everyone who entered our domain to feel that it was a place of welcome and peace. I wanted every room to feel like a place where loving living took place. Of course, it had to start with my family first. I wanted my husband, my children, and later my grandchildren, my mom and mother-in-law to look forward to coming and being at home. There was and is no forbidden furniture. There are no off-limit communal spaces, and everyone was permitted to add to the decor of their personal spaces. Everyone had the ability to seclude themselves from others depending on their personal needs after long days at school or work. This meant my house was not spotless (nor will it ever be) and all the rooms are designated for living and enjoying a tranquil family life. This included the family and friends we invited into our space.

What about the broader scale? Things like being a good neighbor; keeping our properties and communities clean; demonstrating common courtesy to all people; investing in the next generation; utilizing our right to vote; and participating in charity opportunities as well as civic organizations. Things like mentoring children and teens and serving the elderly can be a part of world building. We can attribute to positive change in our world by supporting teachers and first responders. We can write our congress and other governmental officials. Most of all we can take action rather than giving up on the possibility of a better world

Our daily lives are not like the world in a novel where one person makes all the decisions and determines all the conditions. We have some options we can utilize. We can be and should be contributors to the building of our world from the smallest local level to the broader levels of society. “It takes a village” is not just about raising children, it’s also about raising the expectations of our culture and community through collaboration, empathy, values, goal setting, safety regulations, effective communications, and civil laws and responsibility. We can be builders of a better world one day at a time, one action at a time. Let’s all put feet to our hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow for the next generation.

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” – John Wesley As always, your comments are welcomed.

May you have the tools to build a world where all the characters may exist in love and unity. Peace and Restoration.

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Just One Thing

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

I read this article the other day that said everyone is better off to focus on just one thing. The idea was to figure out what your main thing is and to make it your highest priority. At first, I thought the article was pretty good and offered a good idea especially as a writer. I could put all my focus on writing and make writing my highest priority. As the kids would say, “Not!” As I wrote down some of my writing goals, I realized there was so much more on my life’s agenda than just one thing. I can’t even identify myself as just one thing. Sure, I’m a writer, but I’m also a wife, a mom, a friend, a teacher, a motivational speaker, a grandmother, an in-law, a believer, a daughter, a historian, a student, and a pitch hitter for a number of causes such as Alzheimer’s Disease and care providers. This list is not in the order of priority, but each one is a priority.

“Just One Thing.” I continued to think about this all week. How could anyone prioritize just one thing? What would happen to all the other things? Would this kind of myopic focus make you great at the one thing or cause the one thing to be more excellent than the other things? How would you choose when everything is an important thing? Is there anyone in the world who focuses on just one thing? I’m not sure if I’m just being too literal (or dense) in my thinking or if the author was oversimplifying his thesis. Perhaps an interview is in order.

PBS had a wonderful series on the life and achievements of Walt Disney and his brother, Roy O. Disney. (Truly,, worth seeing, check it out on YouTube) Needless to say, Walt Disney was some type of genius when it came to creativity and seeing his dreams come to fruition. He would never give up on an idea that made his craft better or more excellent regardless of cost or lack of support. Most often it seems others could not comprehend his ideas and inventions. Many thought he was a little crazy and declared Walt’s ideas would never see the light of day, but he stuck with it. As they say, the rest is history. So, was Walt Disney one of those people who prioritized and focused on just one thing or was it just one thing at a time? Afterall, Disney’s feature movies did not evolve into Disney World around the globe in just a few years. As I follow his life, each success led to a new evolution of ideas and inventions. His dreams grew with each accomplishment along with the many people it took to make it all happen.

Walt Disney’s life work seemed to be just one thing, but history would argue as to whether it was his only thing. From the information that is available to us Walt Disney was a devoted father to his daughters, Sharon and Diane. He took them to school and spent the weekends with them. He also allowed them to come to the studios. I bet they got the first of all the Disney toys. (Just a guess on my part.) He was married for forty years to the same wife, Lillian, unusal for Hollywood then and now. He and his brother, Roy, worked closely together and appeared to have a close-knit relationship. Some would say if Roy had not found the financial backing, Walt’s dream would have died as just a set of good ideas. Walt also appeared to have countless friends and relationships with people in the industry and among his employees. No doubt it was a hard balancing act, but somehow, he was able to manage his passion for the one thing with his love for many things.

I guess if I had to choose “just one thing.” I’d choose to be a good person. I don’t want my passions to outweigh my convictions that everyone deserves respect even if I disagree with them. I don’t want my skill sets to become such a matter of pride that I overlook those who are still learning. I don’t want my goals and dreams to so engulf me that I’m no longer available to the people I love and who love me. I don’t want my focus to have the kind of blinders that make me not see others and not be willing to lend a helping hand. I don’t want my priorities to be only about me because I can’t accomplish anything without the support of others. My “just one thing” is to be a good person who lives out her faith in every arena. In the end, I think I’ll accomplish more than “Just One Thing.”

“You can design and create and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dreams a reality.” “A man should never neglect his family for business.” – Walt Disney

Peace with a broad focus on community,

Photo by Rick Han on Pexels.com

Fighting Loneliness

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Can you believe I’ve never felt loneliness like this before? I’ve always had a friend or a relative, I could turn to when I needed someone. I guess being an only child helped me to see aloneness as a plus. It’s typically a familiar place of content. I always had my books and my pets to keep me company. Yet, in these beginning days of summer, I find myself experiencing loneliness.

I don’t feel isolated like during the pandemic, and I’m certainly not friendless. My immediate family is very near, and my closest friends are just a phone call away. I also have mobility of body and transportation. Yet, I have a loneliness of soul. It feels like all my confidantes are gone – like all those persons who knew me inside out are deceased. I find myself longing to talk to them, to be with them. I miss the comradery of just sitting in their presence. We didn’t have to speak. We could just be. To be honest, maybe it’s not loneliness, maybe it’s grief. Loneliness and grief seem to go hand in hand if the people you long for are gone from your life.

The other day my grandson stopped by to say goodbye before starting his round-the-world trip to Oregon. We talked about all of the stops he planned to make along the way. When he said, Tennessee, he paused. Then he said he remembered how we went to Memphis every year to see Uncle Fred. He said, “I miss that, I miss him.” Me too. I miss my Uncle Fred so much. He was always glad to see me – all of us – and he never failed to welcome us into his home, into his pride-filled loving deportment. Sometimes we’d sit on the patio and watch his cats chase one another. The sweet smell of bougainvillea clinging to the air and the drone of the TV in the room behind us brought such peace and comfort to me. That kind of quiet and love was found on the porches of so many of my great relatives, I miss that the most.

I wonder if my ninety-three-year-old mom feels this loneliness since the world has changed so much in her lifetime. I wonder if she’s lonely for the friends and family she has outlived. I wonder if she misses the traditions of writing and receiving letters and cards or eating tomato sandwiches while talking about childhood adventures. She talks about people from her past a lot and she loves to explain old pictures of herself and her cousins.

Personally, I miss the smells of great-grandma’s kitchen and the smell of Prince Albert from great-grandpa’s pipe. I miss the humming of my grandmother’s no-name songs and the whine and tang of my grandfather’s voice. I miss the flowers that my cousin used to draw while we sat on my great aunt’s porch fanning flies. I miss writing letters and sharing my dreams with an aunt who called me her Aunt Tricia. I miss seeing my godmother and the quilts that she made with her church friends. All those days are gone and there’s no way to get them back because the people and the places are gone. Memories are nice, but they leave a sense of loneliness that nothing in my life today can fill.

I guess that’s why I write nostalgic fiction and narrative poetry. It helps me recapture the familiar. It helps me fight the loneliness. It brings those memories from yester-year into the present. I’m so thankful for old photos, letters, and cards that make me smile and feel the closeness of those old days. It’s like a hug from the past. That’s why it is so important to me that we (all of us) share our family stories with each generation. We shouldn’t let these memories die. Here’s a quote from Paul Tsongas, I like, “We are a continuum. Just as we reach back to our ancestors for our fundamental values, so we, as guardians of the legacy, must reach ahead to our children. And we do so with a sense of sacredness in that reaching.”

I’ve learned to fight loneliness in my own way. Trust me, these are not recommendations for anyone; it is just what works for me. I read the letters and cards that I’ve saved over the years. I share family pictures with my relatives and ask them to share pictures with me. I talk to elderly people in the community and ask them about their lives and experiences. I take walks in cemeteries. I read the epitaphs and dates on the headstones. I save and re-read obituaries. I read southern gothic literature. I participate in family reunions and call on my living relatives and friends. Lastly, I allow myself to cry when I feel sad and lonely.

I guess we all deal with loneliness from time to time, but we don’t have to deal with it alone. Let someone know how you are feeling. Writing can be cathartic too. There is always help in our Beloved community. If you would like to share how you fight loneliness, I’d love to hear it. Peace and Safety to all.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

The other day I was listening to an old Aretha Franklin album, and the song “Respect” really stuck in my head for some reason. (There are two versions of the song “Respect,” the original put out by Otis Redding and the revised version by Arthea.) The first thing that came to mind was that ever-popular argument about whether respect is earned or simply given and expected. Yet, I couldn’t help thinking about how much we need a little more respect in our world. Of course, Ms. Franklin was singing about getting a little more respect from her man (by the way he treated her) when he came home, and I guess that where respect should start – at home. Certainly, respect between parents and children, the elders and the young, and yes, husbands and wives are important as it relates to human dignity and regard. That means everyone deserves a little respect.

I wonder do we all agree that using foul language is disrespectful. When adults use curse words when speaking to children, they are destroying any reason for children to show them respect. Actually, they are teaching children how to be disrespectful by example. What happened to the days when adults were careful about what they said in front of children? For that matter, what happened to the days when you couldn’t hear people using foul language on television, radio, or other forms of media? Now, it’s like punctuation at the end of every sentence. Perhaps foul language is so prevalent in our society today that we all think it’s normal and appropriate. (Sad, but probably true.) Unfortunately, foul language isn’t the only problem.

My personal pet peeve is familiarity. My mom is in her nineties, and it bugs me to no end to have some customer service person call her by her first name as if they are friends and contemporaries. Worst yet, they may say “momma” as some form of respecting her apparent age. No “Miss” or “Mrs.” and no request or permission to use her first name. Even white-collar professionals such as doctors and lawyers address their perspective clients by their first names without asking permission. In my world that’s disrespectful. My children (adults now) and my grandchildren have been taught to address people by titles especially if they are older than them. Even familiar family friends are addressed as Mr. or Ms. along with their first names such as Ms. JoAnne or Mr. Robert. This is simply a matter of respect and common courtesy until a person invites you to use their first names. I know, that’s just plain old-fashioned, but how we address one another is important. I never thought I’d live in a world where it’s okay to address someone as the “B” word, or as a whore. This is prevalent with our young people and in today’s music and drama. It’s no longer just familiarity, it’s disrespectful.

Unlike Aretha Franklin’s song, I don’t demand respect from anyone. I simply treat people the way I want to be treated. I use my self-esteem to esteem others. I am mindful of the circumstances and surroundings I find myself in, and considerate of the people sharing that space. As I teach my students, formal situations call for formal language. Casual situations may allow for code switching – informal language – depending on how casual the situation is. (This can be applied to dress as well.) In business situations, I address people by title or last names unless directed by them to do otherwise. I avoid nicknames in public places. I relinquish my seat and my place in line to obvious elders with regard for their age. Even in anger, I try to maintain a level of respect for myself and others. That’s really where it all starts, respect for oneself.

During the spring my middle granddaughter broke off a relationship with a young man. She said the young man called her out of her name and even though he apologized, she was done. When I asked her why. She said I have too much respect for myself to allow someone else to degrade me. Wow! I was so proud of her in that moment. We should be respectful enough that we exude respect both for ourselves and for others. Perhaps this would lead to more respect in our world.

Hears and AI Overview –“Respect, at its core, means treating others with consideration, valuing their opinions and boundaries, and recognizing their intrinsic worth. It’s about acknowledging their individuality and accepting them, even when you disagree with them. Respect also involves showing consideration for their feelings, even when you don’t personally agree with them.”

“ R-E-S-P-E-C-T” I know what it means to me, but what does it mean to you? Do you think we could use just a little bit more from our governmental and educational leaders? Do you think we could use a little more in our “Beloved Community” and among our young people? What about when you get home? Let me hear from you, I’d love to know what you think.

Be safe, be vital, be at peace, show respect, enjoy the music.

Talk From the Family Tree

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Imagine sitting at the feet of your elders and ancestors hearing their stories and conversations and discovering the origin of your life. Visualize seeing the expressions on their faces and hearing each tale firsthand for the very first time. I was a little girl eavesdropping on grownup conversations, trying to understand the connection of the past to the present. This new book, a collection of short stories and poetry, tries to capture the intimate conversations retold year after year for every generation.

It’s my pleasure to share my latest book with you. Your encouragement and support of my writing is priceless. Thank you for following my blog and the books I’ve authored.

Available on Amazon today.