The Gift that Everyone Needs

December 18, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Tis the season for gift giving, whether you celebrate Hannukah, Las Posadas, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or a Hallmark “every day is a holiday” creation. People are buying gift cards, and trinkets to make someone they care about feel the joy of the season. Yet, it is said, “The best things in life are free.” (Interestingly this saying is credited to Coco Chanel who also famously added, “the second-best things are very, very expensive.”) I believe this is true, “the best things in life are free” as it relates to dollars and cents, and one of those best things is the gift of presence.

Presence is showing up, the state of being in place, being in attendance – it is a physical and spiritual thing. (Check out the etymology of the word in a dictionary.) In other words, you are singularly focused on being in a place with another person or people – mind, body, and soul. This is important because too often we consider ourselves present when our minds are elsewhere; like when you see a couple at dinner and they are both on their cell phones. Their bodies are in the right place, but their focus is not. They are really not present with one another. Being present requires us to fully give of ourselves – to be engaged. Our senses, our attention, and our focus is for the person or people we are with. We intentionally show up mentally and emotionally as well as physically. Each of us are seen and heard and appreciated. This is the gift that everyone needs, and I would like to think that everyone wants.

Presence is the gift that keeps on giving. When all the holiday decoration is gone and the parties are over, presence lingers on and creates a chain for future connections. It’s a gift that both the recipient and the giver can enjoy simultaneously, and it’s a gift that can be renewed over and over again. In today’s society, we need to make meaningful connections with the people in our lives and community. We need to know one another more intimately rather than make unwarranted assumptions about one another. We need to identify our commonalities, and form cherish-able memories. We need to let one another know how valuable our relationships are before we have regrets and before it’s too late. Every relationship requires a certain amount of presence to thrive.

If there are special people in your life (children, parents, spouses, siblings, friends, neighbors, co-workers, merchants, mentors, ministers, club members, charitable servants, etc.) it’s not too late to give the gift of presence to someone in your life. Perhaps there is that friend you have been meaning to call and catch up with. Perhaps there is a relative you saw at the last family funeral, and you said: “Let’s not meet this way again, let’s get together soon.” Perhaps there’s an elderly neighbor who could use a little company every now and then. Or maybe there is someone in your life who has given you the gift of their presence and you’ve not taken the time to tell them what they mean to you. The gift of presence is intangible. It doesn’t wear out or go out of style. The value of presence is an indescribably investment – one that you can carry with you and distribute for the rest of your life.

Someone you know needs the gift of presence not because it’s the season of giving and getting, but because there is nothing like being known and seen, honored and appreciated, received and treasured. When you give the gift of presence you leave an indelible mark of true companionship and comradery that is priceless and continues to give for a lifetime. As long as you have breath, it’s never too late to give the gift that everyone needs.

May the New Year bring you many gifts of presence and in this case, it really is better to give than to receive. Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Los Posadas, Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa Peace. Blessings in the New Year.

Cherish Your Relationships

October 12, 2025October 8, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Not too long ago I wrote a piece on Fighting Loneliness (click the title if you missed it) . It was about missing the special relationships I had with my grandparents and great grandparents as well as their brothers and sisters. I really miss the times we spent together sharing stories and our hopes and dreams. Each one of those relationships hold a special place in my heart and always will, but that doesn’t mean I don’t treasure the relationships I have today. These relationships are equally as important and tremendously valuable to me. Sometimes we forget how valuable our relationships are. Every encounter and interaction is significant to our sense of belonging and our growth as a person. Relationships on various levels contribute to our self-esteem and our self worth in both positive and negative ways, but for this piece I want to concentrate on the positive ones.

Recently, my oldest granddaughter got married. Her wedding reunited family and friends from all over the country and from various walks of life. It felt like a family or class reunion. It was wonderful to catch up on all the events and achievements of each person. It made me realize how much I missed them. By not staying in contact for such long periods of time, I was totally out of touch. Somehow we had allowed life, work, technology, and general busyness to interfere with our ongoing relationships. Sure we hit each other up on social media from time to time and sent an occasional text message, but that is not the same as actively nurturing and growing a relationship. In the short time of the wedding and reception, we tried to share everything we missed. We laughed, we cried, we hugged, we tried to explain and share every trial and triumph. We could not have done that electronically and it was nearly impossible in the time we had on the day.

We experience words differently in person than we do in text. A person’s words are connected to their body language, inflection, and tone. In person these things add a dynamic to what is being said that we can only imagine in text. Whether it’s a coworker, your best friend, or a family member these interpersonal conversations are shared experiences when done in person. Discussions take on new meaning when you can see the person’s emotions or feel the tension in their body. We react to the total expression rather than trying to interpret meaning on the written page. That’s why actual friends mean more to you than social media friends. After all, you may not be at all aquatinted with the person on the other side of the screen even though you may have some common interest.

At the wedding, we all vowed to stay in contact and connect several times within the next couple of months. We said we would call, do lunch, or catch a movie – promises to cherish and nurture our relationships. I plan to keep those promises. Yet, it can only happen if I keep how much I value these relationships at the forefront of my mind. There are many important as well as trivial things that occupy my time and my thoughts, but I am willing to prioritize the relationships that are important to me starting with my immediate family, extended family and friends. Memories of our connections – how we met, the things we’ve done and said – these are the things I cherish in every relationship that I been blessed to have. I have been molded and shaped by precious connections both past and present so I am intent on cherishes my relationships.

How about you? Do you have relationships that you value? Are they in the past or in the present? How do you nurture the relationships you care about? I would love to hear from you.

“Cherish your human connections – your relationships with friends and family.” – Barbara Bush

Hurry Up and Stop

September 13, 2025August 14, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I live in a rush-rush world. Everything feels like hurry up and do this or go there, but sometimes I have to make myself stop. While outside sources place demands on my life, I have to place demands on my own life as well for self-care, and nurturing relationships, and maintaining sanity. Because of my need for inner peace and wholeness I have to give up hurrying and simply stop the rush-rush life.

It is no wonder people call life a “rat race.” Like the rat running through a maze to get the cheese we have become accomplishment addicts. Some of us are chasing power and prestige while others are chasing prosperity and possessions. None of these pursuits are wrong until they become all consuming, so much so that our health and well-being is failing and our relationships are inconsequential. I saw some very shocking statistics the other day. It said only 2.7% of American adults have healthy lifestyles (Mayo Clinic Proceedings) meaning many of us struggle with chronic illnesses that could be prevented. Wow! Just 2.7%, the rest of us are too busy for self-care and healthy choices. (Check out the reports of the USDA, CDC, and the Bloomberg Healthiest Country Index.) Likewise, the number of divorces has increased annually (Modern Family Law, Purdue University) and our teens and young adults are dying by suicide at an alarming rate. (Jed Foundation, CDC, Yale School of Medicine). In other words, families are in crisis and people are self-destructing. Is this really the benefit of the Pursuit of Happiness? Are the “rat race” outcomes worth dying for?

Even if you don’t believe the statistics try taking a survey of your friends and family, your coworkers and neighbors, your classmates and associates. How many of them are dealing with chronic diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and cardiopulmonary issues? How many of them have ulcers and migraines? How many of them have problems in their marriage or have been married more than two times? How many of them have “wayward” children, troubled teenagers or babies in daycare eight to eleven hours a day? What are the mental health issues among your inner circle? Don’t forget to count yourself in the survey. Chasing the dream without balance is costly in a variety of ways. The rats want to live long enough to enjoy the cheese, right? That’s why it’s past time to hurry up and stop.

I have been struggling with insomnia for about a month. Everyone keeps asking me what am I worried or anxious about. My doctor suggest upgrading my antidepressants. My nutritionist suggested giving up caffeine and chocolate. Other well meaning friends suggested chamomile, melatonin, warm milk, a cruise, and a spiritual retreat. All these helpful ideas required some soul searching on my part. Was I stressing or worrying over something consciously or unconsciously? Was I depressed beyond my usual levels and struggles with depression? Was this the source of my inability to sleep? Had I increased my intake of caffeine or chocolate over the past couple of months, if so was that related to anxiety? I finally came to the conclusion that it was none of those things. What I needed was time for myself and to myself. This is not a new concept for me, I just have to remind myself from time to time. I needed quality time away from all the outside sources that were plaguing me to do, to go, and to be on call and in action 24/7. I needed to stop trying to be all things to all people and become my own self-advocate to rest, relax, and recreate. I love the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of recreate. It says, “to give new life or freshness, to refresh.” That’s exactly what I needed – to refresh my soul.

For those of you who follow me on social media you’ve seen my bird drawings. Drawing brings me inner joy and peace, mostly because I’m not thinking about anything else. I can’t multitask and draw. I can’t concentrate on anything except the shading, the lines, the colors, and bringing the bird to life. For me, self-care is not just getting a manicures or pedicures or a message. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but they are not enough. That’s just outside care like paint on a broke down car. Self-care starts on the inside. It is nurturing my mind with the sacred word or a good book, It’s using my creative skills to crochet a gift for a friend or family member. It’s spending time with my husband listening to a nice jazz combo. It’s going out to dinner with my mom and discovering new restaurants outside of our community. It’s sitting or walking on the bank of a river or lake feeling the elements on my skin and enjoying the Creator’s tapestry. It’s snapping pictures of wildlife and flowers. (View my gallery.) It’s bird watching, playing with children, spending time with my grand children and the people I love. It’s praying while I gaze into the morning sky or while listening to the night sounds. These things nurture my soul and fuel my ability to do the things I do in the marketplace and in the community. These things help me to work from a place of fullness rather than laboring from a place of emptiness. These things enrich my life so that my contentment and joy does not rest solely on what I am able to accomplish in a day or a week or a year. These things stabilize my health, my relationships, and my spiritual wellbeing. These things give me a refresh after the outside sources have tried to suck the life out of me. All I have to do is hurry up and stop the striving, and the multitasking, and the plethora of communication through technology, and the non-stop priorities of outside sources until I can achieve balance with my own priorities.

We have the ability to change our expectations of ourselves and at the same time change the expectation of others. So much of what we do is because we have allowed ourselves and others to think overworked, overstimulated,, and over committed is the norm. Just as we learned to believe these things about ourselves, we (and they) can learn to believe something different, They can learn that we are talented but our time for work is limited. They can learn that we have fortitude and tenacity but we also have personal priorities. They can learn that our start time also has a stop time when we minister the word “no” with firmness and care. They can even learn to hurry up and stop themselves.

Tell me what you think about all this? I’d love to hear from you.

PEACE AND RESTORATION

“We’re not just designed just to work all day and run a rat race. We’re designed to be in community, to volunteer, to vote, to raise our kids. And I think the more inputs and investments we can give in people to do those things, the better off we are as a community.” – Michael Tubbs

World Building

August 16, 2025July 28, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

In an author’s life world building is about the back story, setting, and atmosphere where the characters come to life. We create a world out of pure fantasy or by capturing an actual historical place. World building has its place in every genre. In some cases, the world of a story has a life of its own; this is particularly evident in Sci-fi and Gothic stories. Thinking about world building is something I do all the time, but not just for writing. I believe many of us do think about world building and also dream about it, even if we don’t do anything about it. We all want something out of our world that will bring satisfaction, achievement, and accomplishment. It’s called the “Pursuit of Happiness.”

From my teens through my college years, I dreamed of the world I wanted to live in. It included a small farmhouse, a few horses, a couple of dogs, and about ten children. I remember writing the names of those ten kids in my journal – six girls and four boys. The farm would encompass about three or four acres so I could have orchards and a very large vegetable garden. The whole thing would be fenced in by a white latticed fence and my children and animals could run freely all across the property. The house would sit right in the middle of those acres giving me privacy from my neighbors and road traffic. Of course, I would be a famous author and travel to the big city when needed. I truly believed this dream would come true if I kept the vision in my heart and mind (as well as my journal). I still think about that world today and part of it still appeals to me (minus the ten kids. lol) Needless to say it never happened. Why? Because I never put feet to it. I didn’t pursue any of it; I just dreamed and hoped for it.

Our world is a lot like that today. We dream and hope for a better world, a better environment, and a better life but we really don’t pursue it. We talk about it. We complain about it. We even throw up our hands in defeated doubt about it, but we rarely do anything about it. We seem to have forgotten that our world exists on every level because somebody put action to their hopes and dreams. Every community, every building, every machine, and yes, every riot, war, and charitable organization had a world builder behind it. Often times it starts with something small perhaps staking a claim on a small parcel of land or trying to make a laborious task easier and safer. Or maybe it started with a plan to get from point A to point B just a little faster. Real world builders are motivated by creating change and impacting the lives of others (including their own).

On a small scale, many of us are world builders. We try to make our lives successful according to cultural standards. We buy certain homes, and pursue certain careers or jobs, and join certain organizations all with the hope of a better or good life. We network and participate on social media platforms in order to project our arrival and aspirations for a better existence in our world. We choose our associates and life partners to support the image of this good life. These pursuits require a daily grind to keep up our fabricated world. Unfortunately, there are flaws and cracks in this system of world building with an ever-changing social and political culture. Too often, this world is not truly the world we hoped it would be.

For me, world building starts at home. While it’s not the farmhouse I once dreamed of, it is my sanctuary. I set out to have a peaceful and comfortable home. I wanted everyone who entered our domain to feel that it was a place of welcome and peace. I wanted every room to feel like a place where loving living took place. Of course, it had to start with my family first. I wanted my husband, my children, and later my grandchildren, my mom and mother-in-law to look forward to coming and being at home. There was and is no forbidden furniture. There are no off-limit communal spaces, and everyone was permitted to add to the decor of their personal spaces. Everyone had the ability to seclude themselves from others depending on their personal needs after long days at school or work. This meant my house was not spotless (nor will it ever be) and all the rooms are designated for living and enjoying a tranquil family life. This included the family and friends we invited into our space.

What about the broader scale? Things like being a good neighbor; keeping our properties and communities clean; demonstrating common courtesy to all people; investing in the next generation; utilizing our right to vote; and participating in charity opportunities as well as civic organizations. Things like mentoring children and teens and serving the elderly can be a part of world building. We can attribute to positive change in our world by supporting teachers and first responders. We can write our congress and other governmental officials. Most of all we can take action rather than giving up on the possibility of a better world

Our daily lives are not like the world in a novel where one person makes all the decisions and determines all the conditions. We have some options we can utilize. We can be and should be contributors to the building of our world from the smallest local level to the broader levels of society. “It takes a village” is not just about raising children, it’s also about raising the expectations of our culture and community through collaboration, empathy, values, goal setting, safety regulations, effective communications, and civil laws and responsibility. We can be builders of a better world one day at a time, one action at a time. Let’s all put feet to our hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow for the next generation.

“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” – John Wesley As always, your comments are welcomed.

May you have the tools to build a world where all the characters may exist in love and unity. Peace and Restoration.

Just One Thing

August 2, 2025July 7, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

I read this article the other day that said everyone is better off to focus on just one thing. The idea was to figure out what your main thing is and to make it your highest priority. At first, I thought the article was pretty good and offered a good idea especially as a writer. I could put all my focus on writing and make writing my highest priority. As the kids would say, “Not!” As I wrote down some of my writing goals, I realized there was so much more on my life’s agenda than just one thing. I can’t even identify myself as just one thing. Sure, I’m a writer, but I’m also a wife, a mom, a friend, a teacher, a motivational speaker, a grandmother, an in-law, a believer, a daughter, a historian, a student, and a pitch hitter for a number of causes such as Alzheimer’s Disease and care providers. This list is not in the order of priority, but each one is a priority.

“Just One Thing.” I continued to think about this all week. How could anyone prioritize just one thing? What would happen to all the other things? Would this kind of myopic focus make you great at the one thing or cause the one thing to be more excellent than the other things? How would you choose when everything is an important thing? Is there anyone in the world who focuses on just one thing? I’m not sure if I’m just being too literal (or dense) in my thinking or if the author was oversimplifying his thesis. Perhaps an interview is in order.

PBS had a wonderful series on the life and achievements of Walt Disney and his brother, Roy O. Disney. (Truly,, worth seeing, check it out on YouTube) Needless to say, Walt Disney was some type of genius when it came to creativity and seeing his dreams come to fruition. He would never give up on an idea that made his craft better or more excellent regardless of cost or lack of support. Most often it seems others could not comprehend his ideas and inventions. Many thought he was a little crazy and declared Walt’s ideas would never see the light of day, but he stuck with it. As they say, the rest is history. So, was Walt Disney one of those people who prioritized and focused on just one thing or was it just one thing at a time? Afterall, Disney’s feature movies did not evolve into Disney World around the globe in just a few years. As I follow his life, each success led to a new evolution of ideas and inventions. His dreams grew with each accomplishment along with the many people it took to make it all happen.

Walt Disney’s life work seemed to be just one thing, but history would argue as to whether it was his only thing. From the information that is available to us Walt Disney was a devoted father to his daughters, Sharon and Diane. He took them to school and spent the weekends with them. He also allowed them to come to the studios. I bet they got the first of all the Disney toys. (Just a guess on my part.) He was married for forty years to the same wife, Lillian, unusal for Hollywood then and now. He and his brother, Roy, worked closely together and appeared to have a close-knit relationship. Some would say if Roy had not found the financial backing, Walt’s dream would have died as just a set of good ideas. Walt also appeared to have countless friends and relationships with people in the industry and among his employees. No doubt it was a hard balancing act, but somehow, he was able to manage his passion for the one thing with his love for many things.

I guess if I had to choose “just one thing.” I’d choose to be a good person. I don’t want my passions to outweigh my convictions that everyone deserves respect even if I disagree with them. I don’t want my skill sets to become such a matter of pride that I overlook those who are still learning. I don’t want my goals and dreams to so engulf me that I’m no longer available to the people I love and who love me. I don’t want my focus to have the kind of blinders that make me not see others and not be willing to lend a helping hand. I don’t want my priorities to be only about me because I can’t accomplish anything without the support of others. My “just one thing” is to be a good person who lives out her faith in every arena. In the end, I think I’ll accomplish more than “Just One Thing.”

“You can design and create and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dreams a reality.” “A man should never neglect his family for business.” – Walt Disney

Peace with a broad focus on community,

Fighting Loneliness

July 19, 2025July 4, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Can you believe I’ve never felt loneliness like this before? I’ve always had a friend or a relative, I could turn to when I needed someone. I guess being an only child helped me to see aloneness as a plus. It’s typically a familiar place of content. I always had my books and my pets to keep me company. Yet, in these beginning days of summer, I find myself experiencing loneliness.

I don’t feel isolated like during the pandemic, and I’m certainly not friendless. My immediate family is very near, and my closest friends are just a phone call away. I also have mobility of body and transportation. Yet, I have a loneliness of soul. It feels like all my confidantes are gone – like all those persons who knew me inside out are deceased. I find myself longing to talk to them, to be with them. I miss the comradery of just sitting in their presence. We didn’t have to speak. We could just be. To be honest, maybe it’s not loneliness, maybe it’s grief. Loneliness and grief seem to go hand in hand if the people you long for are gone from your life.

The other day my grandson stopped by to say goodbye before starting his round-the-world trip to Oregon. We talked about all of the stops he planned to make along the way. When he said, Tennessee, he paused. Then he said he remembered how we went to Memphis every year to see Uncle Fred. He said, “I miss that, I miss him.” Me too. I miss my Uncle Fred so much. He was always glad to see me – all of us – and he never failed to welcome us into his home, into his pride-filled loving deportment. Sometimes we’d sit on the patio and watch his cats chase one another. The sweet smell of bougainvillea clinging to the air and the drone of the TV in the room behind us brought such peace and comfort to me. That kind of quiet and love was found on the porches of so many of my great relatives, I miss that the most.

I wonder if my ninety-three-year-old mom feels this loneliness since the world has changed so much in her lifetime. I wonder if she’s lonely for the friends and family she has outlived. I wonder if she misses the traditions of writing and receiving letters and cards or eating tomato sandwiches while talking about childhood adventures. She talks about people from her past a lot and she loves to explain old pictures of herself and her cousins.

Personally, I miss the smells of great-grandma’s kitchen and the smell of Prince Albert from great-grandpa’s pipe. I miss the humming of my grandmother’s no-name songs and the whine and tang of my grandfather’s voice. I miss the flowers that my cousin used to draw while we sat on my great aunt’s porch fanning flies. I miss writing letters and sharing my dreams with an aunt who called me her Aunt Tricia. I miss seeing my godmother and the quilts that she made with her church friends. All those days are gone and there’s no way to get them back because the people and the places are gone. Memories are nice, but they leave a sense of loneliness that nothing in my life today can fill.

I guess that’s why I write nostalgic fiction and narrative poetry. It helps me recapture the familiar. It helps me fight the loneliness. It brings those memories from yester-year into the present. I’m so thankful for old photos, letters, and cards that make me smile and feel the closeness of those old days. It’s like a hug from the past. That’s why it is so important to me that we (all of us) share our family stories with each generation. We shouldn’t let these memories die. Here’s a quote from Paul Tsongas, I like, “We are a continuum. Just as we reach back to our ancestors for our fundamental values, so we, as guardians of the legacy, must reach ahead to our children. And we do so with a sense of sacredness in that reaching.”

I’ve learned to fight loneliness in my own way. Trust me, these are not recommendations for anyone; it is just what works for me. I read the letters and cards that I’ve saved over the years. I share family pictures with my relatives and ask them to share pictures with me. I talk to elderly people in the community and ask them about their lives and experiences. I take walks in cemeteries. I read the epitaphs and dates on the headstones. I save and re-read obituaries. I read southern gothic literature. I participate in family reunions and call on my living relatives and friends. Lastly, I allow myself to cry when I feel sad and lonely.

I guess we all deal with loneliness from time to time, but we don’t have to deal with it alone. Let someone know how you are feeling. Writing can be cathartic too. There is always help in our Beloved community. If you would like to share how you fight loneliness, I’d love to hear it. Peace and Safety to all.

No Regrets

July 5, 2025June 24, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Today I received a survey from my undergraduate alma mater. It asked questions about the foundations taught there and whether they helped me in life today. At first, I thought that was so long ago, I have no idea; but, to my surprise I remember a lot. My experience had been great and challenging. I remember my professors and classmates. Indeed I learned a lot that I still use today. I learned how to do research, write nonfiction essays and public speaking. I also learned other skills such as keeping a budget and utilizing my time wisely. There was so much more to my college experience than academics. The final survey question was: “Would you choose this college again, if you had the choice today?” I answered absolutely. I have no regrets. I would recommend that my college to anyone. (The Master’s University in California)

Wouldn’t it be great if we could say we don’t have any regrets at all? Unfortunately, regret seems to be a part of life. Whether it’s due to difficulties in relationships, poor career choices, personal habits, or failure to move when the opportunity presented itself, we all have some regret. The bigger question is, what have we learned? Have we grown, remained the same, or degenerated. I certainly hope I’ve grown; I try to live with no regrets.

As some of you know, I have been a care provider for many years. It began with my grandchildren and eventually included my grandmother and my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been a part of “The Sandwich Generation.” That’s when you are sandwiched between generations as a care provider. We had our grandchildren and our parents to take care of on a daily basis making us the middle of the sandwich. While everyday was not an easy day, we tried to make sure everyone felt loved and seen. We worked hard to offer the best quality of life that was possible for our infirmed elders and for our growing adolescents. We never let wheelchairs or highchairs stop us from laughing with or loving our family. The blessing in that is now we can look back with no regrets.

I have shared things about my relationship with my mom in the past. Eventually, the whole story will come out. (lol) Today, I just want to share one incident. When I was in my late twenty’s my mother came to visit me in Arizona. It was the first time we spent time together in a number of years. She still lived in Ohio. At any rate, as we were standing in the airport for her departure, I heard a voice clearly say, “You need to make amends because you will have to take care of her someday.” Well, to some degree that seemed obvious, after all I am an only child, but for some reason this message seemed to hold a deeper meaning. I cried, I prayed, and I tried to define the kind of care my mother would need so I could be prepared. As you well know, there are some things you just can plan for. Since I don’t want to get off track from the topic at hand, I’ll just bullet point some live events:

Mom’s dad, my grandfather, had a paralyzing stroke
Her mom, my grandmother, was losing her sight to glaucoma
Mom experienced a double home invasion
We moved all of them to Georgia (my mom, grandmother and grandfather)
My grandfather died in a nursing home
My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease

The day came when I knew my mom was in over her head. The stress of driving twenty miles to see my grandfather in his nursing home and taking care of my grandmother who was oppositional was taking its toll on her health. I realized if I didn’t step in, I was going to lose my mother too. My grandfather and grandmother were lost to me because Alzheimer’s had taken them away. I couldn’t stand by and let stress and exhaustion take my mother away. I needed to take care of her. The simplest way was to move her and my grandmother in with us. So, we sold our house (the house I loved) and she sold her house (the house she loved), and we bought the monstrosity we now live in. The grandchildren brought new life to my mom. She loved taking care of the baby while I dealt with my grandmother,

Maybe I’ll tell the rest of this story in the future. The point is, my mom and I have no regrets. We each took care of our loved ones to the best of our ability. We made decisions with their best interest in mine. The sacrifices we made allowed all of us to have a better quality of life. Now we live with the satisfaction that nothing was left undone or unsaid. There is no “wish I would have”, or “we should have”, or “if we could do that over” drama in our lives. We capitalized on giving everyone what they needed and some of what they wanted while giving ourselves permission to human. We ate cake, took vacations, celebrated holidays and holy days, ran a business, and nurtured our souls. It wasn’t easy, but it was living with laughter and love. I can honestly answer the survey question; I would do it all again.

The times I’ve had with my mom as an adult outweigh the hard times of my childhood. We’ve had so many wonderful trips and taking so many great pictures together, but more importantly we have survived many hardships together. At ninety-three she is slowing down. Dementia is knocking at the door. Mobility was modified by a stoke this past December. Still we’re taking a trip in July and looking forward to making more fond memories. We’re still too busy living to have regrets. I can tell you, I’m so thankful for that voice telling me I would have to take care of my mom. The reality is we take care of each other.

While I was working on this blog, I dreamed about death one night. I woke up thinking how regrets torment people when a loved one dies, and death can come at any time. Things left unsaid, unresolved conflict, or a wish that things had been different lead to regret. We have a chance to change all that while everyone is alive and breathing. Express love, forgive, find closure, do a good deed, extinguish your pride and live without remorse. That’s one less burden you have to carry. It’s just another game of “Show and Tell.” “Live, Love, Laugh” can be done, it’s a personal choice.

Don’t Just Show – Them Tell Them

June 21, 2025June 16, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

All my life I’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,” but I beg to differ. Actions only speak louder when I understand the meaning of the action. When I was a child, I thought my mom didn’t love me. I tried everything to make her love me. By the time I was a teen, I gave up on her love and began seeking love from other sources. Unfortunately, I thought love was tied to the words, “I love you.” If the person said the words, I didn’t require them to show me anything. It wasn’t until I was fully grown that I understood all the things my mother did for me was because she loved. She worked hard, often overtime, to make sure I had everything I needed and a few of my wants. She avoided relationships with men that she thought might have been harmful to me. She lived with her parents to make sure I had family support when she was away. She allowed me to participate in dance, gymnastics, basketball, and traveling choirs at an expense to the household budget, not to mention sending me South every year to keep me away from street gangs. She made and remade my clothes so that children couldn’t laugh at me. She took the time to style my hair, so I looked like an African princess. These were all the actions of her love, but I didn’t understand the actions when I needed it the most. How different my life choices would have been if I had only known she loved me. I needed the words to define the actions.

As an educator, I know that children need the words, “I love you,” to go along with the actions. Otherwise, when they hear the words, they may fall into the trap of manipulation and exploitation. Many parents today, like my mom, work hard to make sure their children have cell phones, video games, and the latest fashion. They take their kids to fancy restaurants, to movies, and concerts. Kids have tablets, TVs, and video consoles in their rooms and some of their parents think they are ungrateful. Children aren’t necessarily ungrateful, but they may feel entitled. The more we give, the more they want. All the things aren’t communicating love. It may communicate competition with the neighbors or family friends. It may communicate parents have money and means. It may communicate their rights as a child especially in today’s economy. It may even communicate, “we’re better than everybody else.” If we leave it up to the kids to define our actions, they may not define it correctly. Yet there are children who receive little or no commodities unaware of their true economic status; they seem to thrive on the hugs and expressions of love from their parents’ (and teachers) mouths.

As much as I don’t want anyone I know to call me by the “pet names” of my childhood, those names expressed love. My great grandparents had a different name for me than my grandparents. My aunts and uncles had their own nicknames for me too, but my mother called me by my birth certificate name, Patricia Ann. People always said they could tell when they were in trouble when their parents called them by their entire name. So, I guessed I was always in trouble with my mom. My relatives with the nicknames for me told me all kinds of stories, some made-up and others from their life experiences. We laughed a lot and hugged a lot. My mom read stories from books and insisted that learning to read was key to a good future. So, I learn to read, “See Jane run. Run, run, run Jane,” at the age of three. My great grandma let me sift the flour and stir her cake batter while using encouraging words even when I made a mess. My mom chased me out of the kitchen because I was in her way. I learned to cook from Betty Crocker’s cookbook and long distanced calls to my grandmother. Of course, I know these comparisons are skewed now, but as a child I didn’t know; I couldn’t understand that mom’s actions were expressing the same love as my other relatives only in a different way.

When I was in college my roommates and I would have this play argument. They were Math and Science majors, and I was an English major. The question was, “What came first math, science, or English?” I would always say, “English, because “In the beginning was the Word.” (John 1:1) “God didn’t create anything without speaking and He didn’t mention multiplication until the 3rd chapter.” (Haha!) We would laugh and continue this pretend argument whenever someone was too excited about something they learned in class. When a child is born the words generally come easily. We love every little finger and toe on our newborn. We tell them how much we love them and what dreams we have for them. We coo and we sing to them, but as they get older the words stop. Our actions may multiply; we may even get creative with our time and our money, but the words become assumptions. We assume they know we love them. We assume they know all that we are working for and working with is for them. We assume that everything is fine as long as no one is complaining or asking for anything, but the assumptions are wrong. This applies to spouses, elder members of our families, and especially our children. Love cannot be left to assumptions.

It’s time to play “Show and Tell.” When a child draws a picture for you, they want to tell you about it. When a child gives you a flower (even the top of a dandelion weed) they want you to know they picked it for you. When a child brings their favorite item to school for Show and Tell, the best part of this time together is for them to tell everyone all about what they brought. As a teacher, I can always tell when a parent gave the child something for Show and Tell because the child can show but they can’t tell us anything about the item. It may mean something to the parent, but it doesn’t have the same meaning for the child. So, we can’t just show, we have to tell. Tell your child why you work so much and so hard. Tell them why you bought them that toy or game. Tell them that you love them, but you’re just too tired to play. Offer to hold them or hug them just because you love them. Tell them stories from your childhood so they can identify with you on another level. Tell them the dreams you have for their future. Tell them you love them even when the answer is “No.” Take the time to show them how to do something and don’t forget to use your words. These kinds of Show and Tell events can make a lifetime of difference in their lives, in the choices they make, and in your future relationship with them. Don’t leave any room for misunderstandings. “Show and Tell.”

Photo by Agung Pandit Wiguna on Pexels.com

Don’t Just Show Them, Tell Them. Deepen your relationship with every generation. Peace.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

June 9, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

The other day I was listening to an old Aretha Franklin album, and the song “Respect” really stuck in my head for some reason. (There are two versions of the song “Respect,” the original put out by Otis Redding and the revised version by Arthea.) The first thing that came to mind was that ever-popular argument about whether respect is earned or simply given and expected. Yet, I couldn’t help thinking about how much we need a little more respect in our world. Of course, Ms. Franklin was singing about getting a little more respect from her man (by the way he treated her) when he came home, and I guess that where respect should start – at home. Certainly, respect between parents and children, the elders and the young, and yes, husbands and wives are important as it relates to human dignity and regard. That means everyone deserves a little respect.

I wonder do we all agree that using foul language is disrespectful. When adults use curse words when speaking to children, they are destroying any reason for children to show them respect. Actually, they are teaching children how to be disrespectful by example. What happened to the days when adults were careful about what they said in front of children? For that matter, what happened to the days when you couldn’t hear people using foul language on television, radio, or other forms of media? Now, it’s like punctuation at the end of every sentence. Perhaps foul language is so prevalent in our society today that we all think it’s normal and appropriate. (Sad, but probably true.) Unfortunately, foul language isn’t the only problem.

My personal pet peeve is familiarity. My mom is in her nineties, and it bugs me to no end to have some customer service person call her by her first name as if they are friends and contemporaries. Worst yet, they may say “momma” as some form of respecting her apparent age. No “Miss” or “Mrs.” and no request or permission to use her first name. Even white-collar professionals such as doctors and lawyers address their perspective clients by their first names without asking permission. In my world that’s disrespectful. My children (adults now) and my grandchildren have been taught to address people by titles especially if they are older than them. Even familiar family friends are addressed as Mr. or Ms. along with their first names such as Ms. JoAnne or Mr. Robert. This is simply a matter of respect and common courtesy until a person invites you to use their first names. I know, that’s just plain old-fashioned, but how we address one another is important. I never thought I’d live in a world where it’s okay to address someone as the “B” word, or as a whore. This is prevalent with our young people and in today’s music and drama. It’s no longer just familiarity, it’s disrespectful.

Unlike Aretha Franklin’s song, I don’t demand respect from anyone. I simply treat people the way I want to be treated. I use my self-esteem to esteem others. I am mindful of the circumstances and surroundings I find myself in, and considerate of the people sharing that space. As I teach my students, formal situations call for formal language. Casual situations may allow for code switching – informal language – depending on how casual the situation is. (This can be applied to dress as well.) In business situations, I address people by title or last names unless directed by them to do otherwise. I avoid nicknames in public places. I relinquish my seat and my place in line to obvious elders with regard for their age. Even in anger, I try to maintain a level of respect for myself and others. That’s really where it all starts, respect for oneself.

During the spring my middle granddaughter broke off a relationship with a young man. She said the young man called her out of her name and even though he apologized, she was done. When I asked her why. She said I have too much respect for myself to allow someone else to degrade me. Wow! I was so proud of her in that moment. We should be respectful enough that we exude respect both for ourselves and for others. Perhaps this would lead to more respect in our world.

Hears and AI Overview –“Respect, at its core, means treating others with consideration, valuing their opinions and boundaries, and recognizing their intrinsic worth. It’s about acknowledging their individuality and accepting them, even when you disagree with them. Respect also involves showing consideration for their feelings, even when you don’t personally agree with them.”

“ R-E-S-P-E-C-T” I know what it means to me, but what does it mean to you? Do you think we could use just a little bit more from our governmental and educational leaders? Do you think we could use a little more in our “Beloved Community” and among our young people? What about when you get home? Let me hear from you, I’d love to know what you think.

Be safe, be vital, be at peace, show respect, enjoy the music.

National Poetry Month

April 14, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Since April is National Poetry Month, I thought I would share a few original poems with you. I hope you like them. Feel free to comment.

Human Perspective

Juniper trees
Weeping Willows
Pine cone dropping
Hawks soaring
Below floating clouds
A tiny black ant
On a daffodil bud
Reflections of life
Perspectives we see
But still don’t know.

Tribute to Marcus Allen

“Lord, I keep so busy serving my Master,
Keep so busy serving my Master,
Keep so busy serving my Master,
Ain’t got time to die!” *

Of course, we ain’t got time to die,
Singing these songs in the junior high chorus 1
Ain’t nobody thinking about dying.
We got too much living to do – graduation,
High school, college, romance, make some money,
New clothes, new shoes, a car – No time to die!
We got to show our parents and our teachers
We got a future that’s better than theirs, so we
Gonna keep so busy working for ourselves
Until Marcus gets killed on his paper route.
Stabbed multiple times for the money he collected.
Never to sing “Sweet Little Jesus Boy” ** again. His
Beautiful soprano subtracted from our harmonies
Now filled with tears and disbelief. The songs
We sing take on new meaning.

“Couldn’t hear nobody pray,
Couldn’t hear nobody pray,
O Way down yonder by myself
And I couldn’t hear nobody pray!” ***

*Negro Spiritual by Francis Hall Johnson
**Christmas Song by Robert MacGimsey, 1934
***Negro Spiritual by J. W. Work, 1940

Adoption Party

He ran right up to me
Bright eyes, crooked little teeth.
Tapped me on the leg and said,
“Come and see!”
Before I could answer,
Off he ran, leaving my heart
To wonder, “Is this my son?”
So many children running all around.
All ages, all sizes, filled with energy.
Yet, I could still hear him
Above every sound.
Balloons popping, children screaming,
Workers trying to get everyone to
Settle down.

“We have to find him!” is all that I said
We wandered in search
Of this four-year-old’s head
He had stolen my heart
To my husband’s surprise
We had found the one child
One face, one smile,
Amid so many, he walked right up to us,
A toy truck in hand, pulling my husband’s pant leg.
“What’s your name?” I managed to say
He simply replied, “Can you please play?”
He sat right down at our feet, spinning the wheels
And we joined him there. This is where a new life
With our son began.