lifestyle – Patricia Boyd-Wilson, Author/Poet

We have come to expect so many things to come quickly, almost instantly, so delayed gratification doesn’t sound very appealing. Yet, some things are worth waiting for. Like when my mom makes a crushed pineapple bread pudding, it’s worth the wait. Sure I could go to the local grocery store and purchase something engrossed in plastic and start eating it as soon as I get in the house, but it couldn’t hold a candle to my mother’s homemade dessert.

There’s something to be said for those things that take time to earn, to win, to create, or experience – things like earning a college degree, planning your wedding, earning the respect of your colleagues for your accomplishments, completing your first novel, having a baby, buying your first house or renting your first apartment. There are so many more things in life that require time to accomplish and appreciate. Not to mention becoming the best you, you can be. It takes time to discover who you want to be.

The reasons for delayed gratification vary, but they become important milestones – milestones that define the seasons of our lives. Whether we want to admit it or not, there are some things we just wouldn’t be able to handle if they arrived instantly. If we are in our season of immaturity, we may not be able to sustain or maintain the goal, accomplishment, or achievement intellectually or financially. If things come too quickly or without any effort, we may not be in a season to appreciate its value. After all, if it’s really worth a lot, why did it come so easily we may think, and of course the answer to that question comes after we loose it.

Those of us who have reached a certain level of maturity need to explain to the younger crowd the advantages of delayed gratification. Some of them are under great stress because they are trying to accomplish in a year or two what took their parents 10, 15, 20 years to accomplish. In this age of technology it may not take that long, but milestones still take time. Stability takes time. Quality takes time. Longevity takes time. These are the advantages of delayed gratification. My grandmother used to say, “Anything worth having should be worth keeping!” That takes us right back to maintaining and sustaining, and don’t we want to maintain good relationships, great occupations, excellent reputations, lasting legacies. I certainly do!

Delayed gratification gives me something to look forward such as: date night, my next book, fellowship with friends and family. It gives me purpose, the drive to go for the goal. It’s how I set my priorities for my work schedule, my personal investments, and bucket filling (refer to previous blogs). It’s how I plan for both short term and long term goals like writing, traveling, and self-care. It’s an accepted way of life, because even those things that seem instant really aren’t. (Just asked all those designers who make Google work for us!)

Well, I have to leave this thought with you because I’m about to leave for a date that I’ve been waiting for all week. The delay for that is over! What’s on your delayed gratification list? What was or is the advantage of waiting? Come share, we’re waiting!

Achieve Breakthrough Using Delayed Gratification by [Master Resale Rights] — a Kindle book available at Amazon.com
In order to receive the most possible gratification from something we must first learn to hold off on instant rewards. This may seem like a hard task to accomplish for many people. With a little practice and the use of these helpful steps, waiting for the big prize will become a walk in the park.

Why is it when you say self-care to most people they start talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, man caves, and nights out with the girls/boys? I’m for all of that, but these things are not self-care; they are rewards. In some cases, it’s more stressful to fit these things into your schedule which defeats the purpose of self-care. Self-Care should prevent stress or at least mange it. That’s why self-care should be non-negotiable. After all, how can we be our very best selves if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. How do you define self-care?

Here’s my take on it. Self-Care encompasses all those things which keep you (or get you to the point of) health: physically, mentally, and spiritually. These include things like rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, intellectual stimuli/input, exercise (especially stretches), healthy relationships, and spiritual enrichment. In other words, self-care is taking care of your authentic self – the you without the masks of your business or social personas. It’s the things that make you thrive; the things that bring you joy, peace, comfort, and health. Wow! That’s a mouthful!

What I’m trying to get at is, we don’t pay enough attention to taking care of ourselves. We spend so much of our time taking care of others that we become the last man on the totem pole. So our families, our co-workers, our civic, community, and church responsibilities all get taken care of while we fall apart in every area of our lives. Unfortunately, I speak from experience. One day I realized my health on every level (physically, mentally, and spiritually) was deteriorating because all of my attention was focused on helping everyone else, even when they really didn’t need or accept my help.

Self-Care has to become a non-negotiable. Hopefully, this realization comes before it’s too late – before the heart attack, before the overwhelming depression, before the loss of good relationships you needed to nurture, before dreams and life goals suffer, and before you lose yourself completely. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself? Is my lifestyle making me miserable? Is it because my life takes the backseat to everyone else’s life?

Even if you have suffered some losses as I have, you can start where you are. Begin a self-care regiment and make it a priority! Get enough sleep and rest. Don’t just fit it in where you can, make it a precedent. Eat nutritious meals at regular intervals of the day and hydrate. (Red Bull and coffee is not a meal!) Your body needs fuel and rest to function properly. Feed your intellect and your spirit with truth and joy. Exercise your body and your mind. Surround yourself with wholesome relationships, people who share your interests and have your best interest at heart. Avoid takers! (That could be a topic in and of itself!)

As I work on my own self-care, I’m finding that I enjoy my life more. I look forward to the things that keep me healthy: reading a good book, enjoying my favorite fresh fruit (mangoes, and cherries), cooking specialty dishes (love my Food Network app) , listening to good music, spending time in prayer and meditation, taking a long walks, catching a nap after work, spending time with my friends, date night with my husband, lunch and conversation with my mom, writing, singing, solitude in my favorite places. My self-care may have come late, but it came just in time for me to enjoy my life and work toward my dreams and goals with real energy.

How’s your self-care? Is it on the back burner? Do you have time for yourself or are you so busy working and caring for others that there is no time for you? Has the needs of others negotiated your self-care away? Think about that image of the airline oxygen mask. Put your mask on first, then you can help someone else put on their’s. It’s not too late to save your life! Choose to be a healthy you. Make self-care a priority.

Tag: lifestyle

Delayed Gratification Has its Advantages

Self-Care, a Non-Negotiable

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