Tag: mindfulness

Before Hindsight

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

In our family someone always says, “Hindsight is 20/20,” meaning you can see things more clearly after the fact. While you are in the middle of certain situations and circumstances you may not be able to analyze the value or the significance of an event. This is especially true when emotions are high. Hindsight can help us to see and potentially understand all components of the event as well as the players and their contributions. Usually, it’s during hindsight when we gain real knowledge and potential explanations that aids our character and earns our acceptance.

Death of a loved one is often one of those hindsight conundrums. My grandfather held my hand and called me by my childhood nickname the last time I saw him at the nursing home. I realized later he was telling me goodbye. At the time I thought it was unusual, and I wondered what made him use that nickname. It had been years since I heard it and never once in my adult life. Also, it was odd for him to reach for and hold my hand. We (my mom and I) attributed to some weird sense of sentimentality, but looking back I’m sure he was expressing his love for me and saying goodbye. How I wished I had comprehended that in the moment. I would have hugged him and told him I loved him too. I had missed an opportunity because he died two days later.

This event and several others got me to wondering if I could prompt hindsight to happen sooner, better yet to have insight to happen so I wouldn’t have to wait for hindsight in any form. Would it be possible to take a step back and understand the significance of an experience within the timing of the event? Can we stop multitasking in our minds long enough to be truly present in every situation?

Our level of being plugged-in all day every day is causing a disconnection in our relationships and experiences. We check our text messages while holding a conversation with a friend or coworker. We listen to a podcast while driving through the school zone. We type emails or watch news reels while sharing lunch with a colleague or a family member. We mentally review our to-do lists while attending a staff meeting or a social event. We are rarely truly present anywhere or during large parts of our day. We aren’t even able to draw insight from hindsight because we can’t fully recollect a single encounter. Everything is muddled and it’s hard to recall the who, what, when, where, and how of a past event. Like that day with my grandfather, there is no telling what I was thinking about at the time. I’m not sure I didn’t have my phone in my other hand. I have no idea what was said just before that moment. I can’t tell you if nurses, orderlies or other patients were present. All I really remember is him eating the coconut cake we brought him and at some point, he took my hand and called me Squeaky. Why wasn’t I fully present? I do not know.

Now I find myself asking what’s going on here; what’s happening here. I try to take the time and the initiative to look people in the eye when they are speaking. I make an effort to put my phone on mute and away during meals and social gatherings. I check my emotions as well. It’s important to know how I’m feeling’ what am I bringing to the situation emotionally. For example, if I’m already angry about something it may not be a good idea to have a serious discussion about my current project. The anger may flow over into a new situation that has nothing to do with the current topic of discussion. Sometimes I have to make a concerted effort to put other matters on the shelf for a later time.

There’s a little praise song we used to teach the children, it says: “I command my hands to praise the Lord, I command my feet, to praise the Lord, I command my mind to praise the Lord . . .” Being present is like that. I have to call myself to be present by commanding my ears to hear and listen, my eyes to notice and observe, my mind to stay focus on the now. Chock this one up to my writer’s weirdness, but I like to call my senses to participate as well. You know how a smell can carry you back to an occasion or a person, our senses come into play when we are fully present. There was a time when these things could be taken for granted, but not today. Today we must be more intentional – more mindful and more attentive.

Hindsight is definitely informative at times, but we cannot discount foresight and insight. Active listening, attentiveness, and elevated senses can increase our ability to see and understand what’s happening in front of us. Our vision will not be dependent our ability to replay an event. Afterall, the nicest and best gift (present) we can give or receive is someone’s presence.

“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing!” Try commanding yourself to be present. Start with your family and friends, then extend it to your colleagues and community. Peace.

Substitute Dad
He was my mother’s father, but my daddy most of all
Whenever I went to him, he gave me his all.
Tall and strong and funny too,
In my younger years, he replaced you.

In the house, he baby-sat
And sometimes he took me to the track.
I couldn’t have asked for a better dad
Even though I wasn’t the only grandchild he had.

He called me “Squeaky” as his pet-name
And gave me things Mom thought was insane.
He embraced my dreams and gave me his time
When I cried and screamed, he didn’t seem to mind.

Year after year, he was present and available
His love, his strength, his tender loving care was so dependable
I learned from him love unconditional
You see, his love was never provisional.

Yes, it’s true, he spoiled me
By being the best substitute dad, he could be.

In memory of John “Daddy Kirk” Boyd

Self-Improvement

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Several days ago, I read an article about doing something to better yourself every day. I was intrigued and shared this with my family members. Everyone assented to the idea, but as of the writing of this blog no one has changed anything about their daily routine. (watching TV, eating out of boredom, and following social media posts). How do we get stuck in such ruts? We want to move forward in life, but we lack the will power or the motivation to get up and go for it. I want to do more to improve myself, how about you? What do you do to improve yourself? (Please share.)

When days go by, and I find I haven’t done any of the things I had planned or thought about doing, I get a little depressed. I become disappointed in myself and frustrated. I usually have no one else to blame but myself. I sit in my recliner watching reruns on TV or playing video games on my phone rather than doing something constructive. I have books to read. I have a blog to update. I have a book to finish. I have people I need to contact for lunch or brunch. I have volunteer work to do. Yet, there I sit vegetating. No creativity, no challenges, no interest, no fun. Why can’t I get moving? Why do I allow myself to fall into a rut of doing nothing? Could it be fear of failure? Could it be lack of motivation? Could it be a medical imbalance? Could it be tiredness from a lack of sleep and rest? Or is it depression manifesting itself again? Sometimes I think it’s all of the above.

My husband works on his art every day when he comes home from his eight-hour job. He says, “Don’t let me get close to my chair, because once that happens, I won’t get anything done.” His recliner is a place of comfort, but it’s also a place of procrastination and complacency. It’s easy to put things off for later. but he doesn’t let that chair conquer his desire to be productive. He can be proud and fulfilled through the process and progress of each finished piece. (www.donwilsonartist900.com) When he does take a break, it’s planned and a much needed.

I finally got out of my rut. I began working on my blog and planning for the completion of my book. I worked on class notes for my GED students and got out of the house to enjoy the spring flowers. I went to the salon and enjoyed a message and mani/pedicure. Doing something to better yourself is not always work, it’s the things that bring you joy, fulfillment, peace, and thoughtfulness (or maybe that’s mindfulness). It is also taking care of your health both physically and mentally. It’s being engaged with others and taking the time to live in the moment. It’s working toward your purpose and using your gifts and talents for the best outcome. It’s feeding your soul with spiritual nourishment.

Self-improvement can take many forms. It can start by freeing up time in your schedule or calendar. You may need to reinstate a reasonable bedtime so that your body gets restorative rest. You may need to change your routines as it relates to eating or device usage. You may need to add some self-care components to your schedule. Perhaps you need to listen to new podcasts or watch some documentaries. You may need to institute some healthy life-giving habits like meditation, exercise, or prayer. You may need to treat yourself to a vacation or a retreat. Perhaps you need to join a group of like-minded people who can communicate in the language of your skills and talents. Whatever you decide, you can always change it if it’s not working. And don’t forget to expect the unexpected. There will be interruptions and I can tell you firsthand they can derail your entire plan. So, don’t be afraid to pick up the pieces and start again.

Self-improvement should never really stop. We should do something to better ourselves every day. It doesn’t have to take hours; it could be the few minutes it takes to read an article. None of us are too young or too old to make changes. None of us are so mentally stagnant that we can’t create new goals personally and professionally. Whatever causes you to fall into a rut of inactivity can be changed by simply making up your mind to take the first small step. For some of us, it’s a daily fight.

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Miracles in the Mundane *

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

            I have always had some disdain for pat sayings like, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.”  First of all, there were no roses in the concrete courtyards where I grew up.  There were also no roses in the deep south where my relatives farmed from sunup to sundown.  So even if I didn’t forget to smell the rose, I couldn’t find the roses.  Yet now, so many years later, I have learned to appreciate such sayings.  Using mental exercises and developing defense mechanisms to overcome and defeat depression, I have learned to smell the proverbial roses.  I call these exercises looking for miracles in the mundane.  

            Looking for the miracles in the mundane started with me noticing how well and whole I felt out in nature.  This is also when my amateur hobby as a photographer began.  Little things that often go unnoticed by others gained my attention.  Questions about those things brought them into greater focus.  Why does that tree’s leaves turn golden in the fall while another tree’s leaves turn red?  How long do turtles swim in the lake with only their little heads at the surface?  Why can’t chickens fly, after all they have wings?  I began snapping pictures of everything that intrigued my curiosity. (Visit the gallery on this site to few a view of my pictures.) Thus, came thousands of pictures of roses, not proverbial roses, but real roses. 

            As I traveled the states fulfilling my bucket list to spend time in all fifty states, I made botanical gardens one of my “must-see” destinations.  Through the camera lens I discovered all roses were not the same.  Their shapes were different.  Their colors varied, and their scents were not the same.  There are so many varieties of roses, and each of them have their own unique characteristics and features.  With a little research, I found out that new roses were being introduced all the time.  Botanists crossbreed certain varieties to develop yet another type of rose. 

As if all these roses weren’t enough, I began to find bugs and butterflies in my photographs.  In Chicago, I found birds in my pictures.  In Alabama, I got sidetracked by waterlilies which lead to ducks, geese, and swans.  Since I’m naturally curious (my kids say my best gift is interrogation), I began researching what birds are indigenous to Georgia.  This started a new hobby, amateur bird watching.  I have photographs of cardinals, robins, woodpeckers, peacocks, geese, a variety of ducks, yellow warblers, blue jays, trashers, and hummingbirds.  Of course, I still don’t know why the males are so colorful while the females are brown or gray.  I suppose it’s a way of protecting the mothers from predators, but I like the idea that the males have to sport their wears to attract the females and keep their attention. 

In nature, one thing always leads to another for me like the pattern of river water flowing over boulders; the snow melt flowing down the mountain side; the colorful fall leaves from tree to tree and state to state; the ebb and flow of ocean water, the beauty of a moth or a butterfly; little brown rabbits eating my mom’s garden plants; baby deer frightened by their own shadow; squirrels playing chase in a nearby tree; pigeons having a parking lot scavenger hunt, and my dog snuggling next to me to chase my blues away.  These are all miracles in the mundane. 

Every day we walk right by miracles:  wildflowers growing on the hillside, children laughing and playing, an elderly couple looking passionately into each other’s eyes, a prism of color in a puddle mixed with motor oil, a lizard sunning himself in the driveway, the brightness of a full moon, the pictures in the clouds floating overhead, and our own reflections in the mirror.  The miracles in the mundane help us to remember there really isn’t anything mundane. 

The mundane is in our way of thinking.  If we allow ourselves to lose interest in the world around us, we miss the miracles.  If we allow ourselves to be thrill seekers, we reduce every miracle to something boring and monotonous.  This becomes our loss.  The best things and people around us go unnoticed not because they are not there, but because we have closed our eyes to the mystery and wonder that surrounds us.  So, here’s my suggestion, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.” 

  • Reprint from DeKalb Voices Review, 2023 with revisions.