normal – The Good Word

Where do dreams come from? Are they purely an ability to imagine and propel our thoughts into different scenarios or are they produced from our subconscious desires? Are they embedded impressions stored in our brain from past experiences or conversations, or do they come from nebulous subliminal messages through the multi-media airways? Perhaps they come from another realm of existence such as angels, ancient ancestors, or the supreme divine source. I’m sure there are many explanations, but one thing is certain – people of all ages dream.

There are daydreams and dreams that come when we sleep. There are dreams (goals, plans, hopes, wishes) for a happier more prosperous future as well as dreams to change the past. There are dreams that are filled with fantasy and magic, and there are dreams that need strategic planning. There are dreaded dreams like nightmares filled with doom and gloom, and night terrors filled with danger and life-threatening disasters. Some people dream with perfect recall, while others barely remember any details at all. Dreams can be ethereal and almost impossible to capture the necessary details. Dreams can seem like an additional sense providing intuition and premonitions about the living and or the dying. Dreams seem to exist on many plains and levels of consciousness both tangible and intangible. Dreaming does not have fixed boundaries; everyone has the capacity to dream.

Doctors (MD’s and Psychologists) seem to believe vivid or intense dreams happen during REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. (Mind you this is from my cursory reading on the subject.) They say this is when our brain is most actively engaged in the same way it is when we are awake and involved in some stimulating activity. On the other hand, daydreams happen when we allow our minds to drift and lack external stimulation, more likely when our attention is focused on feelings or imaginative thoughts – a sort of wishful thinking. In reality, information about one’s dream-ability is speculative. Doctors cannot see the dreamers’ dreams to examine them. They are dependent on the dreamer’s ability to recall and interpret the dream accurately which means even the recall and the interpretation is subject to human error. Most dreamers add commentary to explain their dreams. So, doctors look for patterns and listen to complaints when dreams cause mental anguish or peculiar behavior such as sleepwalking and insomnia. In this discussion mental illness is not our point of reference. By all means if your dreams disturb your life, see a physician. I am talking more about how we interpret the dreams that we have from time to time without trauma or external stimulation from drugs or alcohol. In other words, what do your dreams mean to you.

When I was a little girl, I remember our landlord always asking me what I dreamed. She had a dream book, and she would tell me what the dream meant according to her book. It seemed a little goofy to me, but she was quite serious about it. Eventually, my mom made her stop asking me about my dreams; she said the landlord was using my dreams to play the numbers. I had no idea what that meant until I was much older and read a book entitled Daddy was a Number Runner by Louise Meriweather. Not only did I have very vivid dreams when I slept, but I could stare out the window and dream an entire episode of travel and adventure. At any rate, I stopped telling anyone my dreams except my journal.

As I got older, I dreamed about my ancestors. In my dreams they seem to have messages for me. Sometimes they were people I had actually known, and other times they were people who had died before I was born. I shared these dreams with my grandmother who would try to figure out who the people in my dreams were. One person, my grandfather’s mother would appear in my dreams often. I felt like she came to protect me from danger. One time I described her hat to my grandmother, and it seemed to spook her. My grandmother pulled a big hat box from the top of her closet and showed me the hat I had described to her. It was a gift from her mother-in-law given to her before I was born. After that my grandmother believed me when I told her dreams about my great-grandmother, her mother-in-law who died when I was two years old. As I grew older, I learned not to share my dreams with adults because of their strange reactions to them, and sometimes to me as well. Apparently, a vivid imagination was not good for a young girl and foreknowledge, or foresight was too eerie or mysterious.

To this day, I keep a dream journal. Some dreams I chalk up to too much cabbage and cornbread or horror movies. (There is a theory that when you eat too much it can give you crazy dreams like watching too many scary movies.) Sometimes I wait to see if the dream is repetitive. At other times I try to decipher a message from them. Either way, I don’t dwell on them, because they are what they are – just dreams – until they prove otherwise. I don’t dream all the time, at least not that I can remember or recall, but on the occasion that I do I jot down what I can remember without commentary. If it leaves a particular impression, I write that down as well. I have learned to use discretion in sharing my dreams; however, I do have some friends and family members who have similar experiences with dreaming. I am certain that some of my creativity comes from my dream-ability. Writing stories can be like an awake dream of characters, places, and scenes. It’s like a preternatural gift that allows me to see more and feel more in addition to my five senses.

Whether dreams are a series of images produced by the brain unintentionally, or a self-indulging product of our own desires and thoughts, dreams can be useful tools for creativity and healthy imagination. I venture to say that all art forms: music, poetry, prose, lyrics, graphics, design, dance, etc. comes from one’s ability to see something outside the range of normal vision. Inspiration and even aspiration can come from a lingering daydream. Worlds can exist outside of our normal range of reality because of a person’s dream-ability. Foresight, insight, perspective, and stimulation can arise from one’s ability to dream. Whatever you attribute dream-ability to it sets us apart from the animal kingdom. We are able to hope, to set goals, to implement wishes, and accomplish bucket lists because we can dream. We follow intuition and premonitions based on our ability to imagine outcomes in our mind’s eye, a form of dreaming. The visual aspect of our dream-ability helps us create the faith we need to open and close doors in our daily life’s journey. How you interpret your dreams makes all the difference. Are they possibilities or impossibilities? Are they precursors to invention or forewarnings for potential failings? Are they comical reliefs for a stressful existence or serious roadmaps for a thriving future? How do you use your dream-ability?

Dreams may demand interpretation, but the interpretation starts with you. Take a little time to dream!.

Grief is a complicated emotion. It is a mixture of sorrow, sadness, misery, pain, and heartache. Yet no two people seem to experience grief in the same way. Some people become angry while others become despondent. Some people isolate themselves while others seek the company of friends and family. Grief seems to affect everyone differently. No matter how we describe grief, loss is its center piece.

Grief is a mystery to me. Even when you have experienced grief in the past, it doesn’t make the next time any easier. No amount of experience prepares you for the next time. Grief’s power does not seem to dwindle. It seems to come in waves. Just when you think you’ve overcome its effects, it washes over you again. Logic does not affect it. No matter how much reason and truth you throw at it, grief tends to linger until it wears itself out. Bits of comfort may have a temporary effect in the face of this strong emotion.

So why am I tackling this subject? Because grief is all around us. It has almost become a national phenomenon with gun violence, natural disasters, the residue of the Pandemic, and societal ills economically and politically. People of all ages are hurting. They are grieving the losses of normalcy, safety, ownership, health, good will, and loved ones. Many are losing hope that things will ever be right again. We’ve lost the “good old days,” and we can’t seem to phantom what the “good new days” will be like. How do you console people who have lost hope, people who have so many losses?

One of my granddaughters turned twenty-one on the 18th of this month. It should have been a happy day of celebration, and to some extent it was. Unfortunately, a dear friend and classmate died on that day. On the last day of his military training, he passed out on the field and died shortly thereafter. His family was looking forward to celebrating his accomplishment in a achieving his dream to be a United States marine. His death doesn’t just affect his immediate family, it affects whole communities: his fellow soldiers on the base, his neighborhood and local community, his high school where he was in the band and played sports, his church family, out of town relatives, and more. If you knew him, then you are experiencing some level of grief because he was generous, loving, dedicated, committed, helpful, kind, and full of life. Noah Evans will be greatly missed.

I have been trying to comfort my granddaughter by telling her the truth. Here is some of the things I toid her. “Waves of grief will come and go. Bouts of crying is normal and helps relieve some of the pressure that builds up. Try to go for a walk or do other exercise, it will help you get to sleep when your body is tired. Communicate with others who share your feelings, those who are also grieving. Cherish the memories. Remember he was right where he wanted to be pursuing his dream. Journal your thoughts and feelings. Pray and immerse yourself in scripture. Speak with a counselor. Do not isolate yourself from the people who love you. Make a memory book. Don’t be embarrassed about how you feel. I can’t change anything, but I can listen, and I can give you a hug any time you need one.” Is this enough? Does it really help? I can only hope. One thing is for certain, this will not be our last experience with grief.

If my premise is true grief is prevalent in our society, so what can we do? We can be more compassionate and realize that many people are quietly hurting. We can show kindness just for the sake of being nice to other human beings. Kindness is a welcoming healing balm in most any situation. We can be patient. Many people are doing the best they can under the circumstances. We can be charitable. It’s not always possible to replace the loss of others, but we can contribute to their recovery. We can be active listeners. We don’t have to have the same experiences to listen to someone’s heart. Sometimes the suffering just wants to be seen and heard. Lastly, we can offer common courtesy to everyone whether an acquaintance or a stranger. The golden rule still applies; treat others the way you want to be treated. Lastly, examine your own heart. Are you grieving the loss of someone or something? Have you been bombarded with losses over the last couple of years? Give yourself permission to grieve and share your grief with someone who loves you.

Although grief is a mysterious emotion it is a definite part of life. It can be brought on by the smallest thing or by a huge disaster. It can be a tangible loss or a perceived loss. It can be all-consuming or only for moment. It can produce a gamut of emotions such as anger, despair, hopelessness, numbness, shock, and confusion. It can also cause multiple physical symptoms such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, anxiety attacks, and muscle aches and pains. We can do our part to demystify grief when we share the human experience with empathy and compassion. Don’t forget grief will someday come your way if it hasn’t already.

Queen Elizabeth once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Love your family, love your friends, love your neighbors, love yourself. “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Lord Alfred Tennyson

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