Dream-ability!

Where do dreams come from? Are they purely an ability to imagine and propel our thoughts into different scenarios or are they produced from our subconscious desires? Are they embedded impressions stored in our brain from past experiences or conversations, or do they come from nebulous subliminal messages through the multi-media airways? Perhaps they come from another realm of existence such as angels, ancient ancestors, or the supreme divine source. I’m sure there are many explanations, but one thing is certain – people of all ages dream.

There are daydreams and dreams that come when we sleep. There are dreams (goals, plans, hopes, wishes) for a happier more prosperous future as well as dreams to change the past. There are dreams that are filled with fantasy and magic, and there are dreams that need strategic planning. There are dreaded dreams like nightmares filled with doom and gloom, and night terrors filled with danger and life-threatening disasters. Some people dream with perfect recall, while others barely remember any details at all. Dreams can be ethereal and almost impossible to capture the necessary details. Dreams can seem like an additional sense providing intuition and premonitions about the living and or the dying. Dreams seem to exist on many plains and levels of consciousness both tangible and intangible. Dreaming does not have fixed boundaries; everyone has the capacity to dream.

Doctors (MD’s and Psychologists) seem to believe vivid or intense dreams happen during REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. (Mind you this is from my cursory reading on the subject.) They say this is when our brain is most actively engaged in the same way it is when we are awake and involved in some stimulating activity. On the other hand, daydreams happen when we allow our minds to drift and lack external stimulation, more likely when our attention is focused on feelings or imaginative thoughts – a sort of wishful thinking. In reality, information about one’s dream-ability is speculative. Doctors cannot see the dreamers’ dreams to examine them. They are dependent on the dreamer’s ability to recall and interpret the dream accurately which means even the recall and the interpretation is subject to human error. Most dreamers add commentary to explain their dreams. So, doctors look for patterns and listen to complaints when dreams cause mental anguish or peculiar behavior such as sleepwalking and insomnia. In this discussion mental illness is not our point of reference. By all means if your dreams disturb your life, see a physician. I am talking more about how we interpret the dreams that we have from time to time without trauma or external stimulation from drugs or alcohol. In other words, what do your dreams mean to you.

When I was a little girl, I remember our landlord always asking me what I dreamed. She had a dream book, and she would tell me what the dream meant according to her book. It seemed a little goofy to me, but she was quite serious about it. Eventually, my mom made her stop asking me about my dreams; she said the landlord was using my dreams to play the numbers. I had no idea what that meant until I was much older and read a book entitled Daddy was a Number Runner by Louise Meriweather. Not only did I have very vivid dreams when I slept, but I could stare out the window and dream an entire episode of travel and adventure. At any rate, I stopped telling anyone my dreams except my journal.

As I got older, I dreamed about my ancestors. In my dreams they seem to have messages for me. Sometimes they were people I had actually known, and other times they were people who had died before I was born. I shared these dreams with my grandmother who would try to figure out who the people in my dreams were. One person, my grandfather’s mother would appear in my dreams often. I felt like she came to protect me from danger. One time I described her hat to my grandmother, and it seemed to spook her. My grandmother pulled a big hat box from the top of her closet and showed me the hat I had described to her. It was a gift from her mother-in-law given to her before I was born. After that my grandmother believed me when I told her dreams about my great-grandmother, her mother-in-law who died when I was two years old. As I grew older, I learned not to share my dreams with adults because of their strange reactions to them, and sometimes to me as well. Apparently, a vivid imagination was not good for a young girl and foreknowledge, or foresight was too eerie or mysterious.

To this day, I keep a dream journal. Some dreams I chalk up to too much cabbage and cornbread or horror movies. (There is a theory that when you eat too much it can give you crazy dreams like watching too many scary movies.) Sometimes I wait to see if the dream is repetitive. At other times I try to decipher a message from them. Either way, I don’t dwell on them, because they are what they are – just dreams – until they prove otherwise. I don’t dream all the time, at least not that I can remember or recall, but on the occasion that I do I jot down what I can remember without commentary. If it leaves a particular impression, I write that down as well. I have learned to use discretion in sharing my dreams; however, I do have some friends and family members who have similar experiences with dreaming. I am certain that some of my creativity comes from my dream-ability. Writing stories can be like an awake dream of characters, places, and scenes. It’s like a preternatural gift that allows me to see more and feel more in addition to my five senses.

Whether dreams are a series of images produced by the brain unintentionally, or a self-indulging product of our own desires and thoughts, dreams can be useful tools for creativity and healthy imagination. I venture to say that all art forms: music, poetry, prose, lyrics, graphics, design, dance, etc. comes from one’s ability to see something outside the range of normal vision. Inspiration and even aspiration can come from a lingering daydream. Worlds can exist outside of our normal range of reality because of a person’s dream-ability. Foresight, insight, perspective, and stimulation can arise from one’s ability to dream. Whatever you attribute dream-ability to it sets us apart from the animal kingdom. We are able to hope, to set goals, to implement wishes, and accomplish bucket lists because we can dream. We follow intuition and premonitions based on our ability to imagine outcomes in our mind’s eye, a form of dreaming. The visual aspect of our dream-ability helps us create the faith we need to open and close doors in our daily life’s journey. How you interpret your dreams makes all the difference. Are they possibilities or impossibilities? Are they precursors to invention or forewarnings for potential failings? Are they comical reliefs for a stressful existence or serious roadmaps for a thriving future? How do you use your dream-ability?

Dreams may demand interpretation, but the interpretation starts with you. Take a little time to dream!.

Working with The Unexpected

This past week I accepted a job as a kindergarten substitute teacher. To my surprise, I had a second-grade class to teach when I arrived. The inner child in me wanted to pitch a fit and leave, but the teacher in me decided to work with the unexpected. That got me wondering how others respond to the unexpected in life. How do you respond to the unexpected? (No, really. Please share.)

Unexpected things in life can be both good and bad. You could get a promotion, that’s good. You could get a pink slip, that’s not so good. The doctor could give you a clean bill of health, or the doctor could pronounce the dreaded disease of cancer. A tree could fall on your house in a storm, or someone could rear end your brand-new car. Your favorite person could pay you a surprise visit. You could find out you’re having twins. The best restaurant ever could go out of business. The one you love could propose. Life is filled with unexpected challenges and pleasures. Sometimes we have to learn to work with them whether we want to or not. We would all rather walk away from disappointment and choose only the “good” things, but that’s not the way of life.

Many years ago, I thought I had achieved my dream occupation as an educator. A friend, my spiritual leader and I joined forces and founded a Chrisitan school. The school grew out of an academic summer camp I had been running for years. We named the school after my great grandparents Will and Mariah Jackson. We started with pre-kindergarten through second grade. Each year we added another grade until we reached grade five. Everything was going well. My godson handled the bookkeeping. My friend’s wife handled the day-to-day office work. The staff was well qualified, and the students were learning and enjoying their teachers and activities. Everything seemed to fall in place. We bought new furnishings for our classrooms from a local school district. A donor gave us enough computers to start a computer lab. This had been my dream for years because my children had been products of this type of school in California. My partner and I were happy with the impact of our little school. Then the unthinkable happened.

One cold winter night, my friend’s wife called me, “He’s gone,” she said. My friend, my spiritual advisor, my business partner had died. Out of nowhere he had a massive heart attack. There were no signs prior to this that warned us. There was no opportunity to bargain or change paths. It was devastating to everyone, especially his wife and family. Grief and sadness filtered down to everyone that knew him – the students, the staff, the members of his congregation, organizational leaders, and even the community at large. Even as I look back now, it hurts my heart. The loss was tremendous, and the empty space could never be filled by another. Eventually, I crumbled, and the school closed.

Why am I talking about this now? Because we live with the unexpected every day. Big things, like the one I just conveyed, and small things like having a cavity. The unexpected is to be expected. Mass shootings at schools, shopping centers, and places of worship; random stray bullets barrowing into homes; senior citizens being scammed out of their life savings; women and children being abducted off the streets, and major companies closing their doors for good are just a few of the unexpected things that can and do occur in our world today. On the flip side there are good, unexpected things as well – new community alliances that pass out food and clothing to the needy; the revitalization of Neighborhood Watch programs; young entrepreneurs creating new jobs; free lunch programs for school-aged children; and unexpected benefactors paying off student debt at the local HBCU. So many unexpected things can happen at any given moment.

Sometimes I find myself trying to explain the world to my 91-year-old mother and my 21-year-old granddaughter. Mom wants to know why things can’t go back to the way they used to be, and my granddaughter wants to know what to expect in the future when things are always changing. Mom experienced loss in so many ways during the pandemic – loss of friends and community, loss of the ability to drive and socialize, loss of freedom – she had to learn to live in a new kind of normal for her own safety. My granddaughter graduated from high school during the pandemic. There was no prom, no graduation ceremony, and no community celebration. Her first semesters at college were spent on-line in the dorm room rather than in person. None of the expected challenges or standards seem to exist in her new world. In other words, mom is trying to adjust to the impersonal world of technology and AI, while my granddaughter is trying to adjust to being thrusted into adulthood with all its responsibilities and none of its former assurances. Each of them – all of us – must learn to work with the unexpected.

We can’t allow the unexpected to leave us halted in fear. We can’t allow the unexpected to styme our growth or our dreams. We shouldn’t just stop in our tracks and wait for the next blessing or disaster to get us moving again. Nor can we allow corruption in high places to corrupt our moral compass and values. We must learn to work with the unexpected, because the unexpected is not going away. We have the tools to do it. We can network with like-minded people. We can elevate our problem-solving skills through study, lectures, think tanks, and podcasts. We can adjust our schedules, become change agents, form or change our inner circles while taking advantage of technology and interpersonal relations. We can work with the unexpected. We simply need to make and stick with a plan to move forward.

I have a friend who says you always need a plan C. C stands for courage, and we all need that when plan A and B fail. Plan C will help us ask for help. Plan C will help us admit it when we are wrong. Plan C will give us the ability to start over. Plan C will allow us to celebrate the victories of others even when our victories stop coming. Plan C will help us navigate and work with the unexpected with a “we can” spirit. In the Words of the Pointer Sisters, and for Women’s History Month, I leave you with the lyrics of their song: “...I know we can make it. I know dare well we can work it out. Oh yes, we can, I know we can, can. Yes, we can, can…” With a little courage, we can work with the unexpected.

Living in Joy

Okay, I’ll admit the title is a play on words, but I didn’t want to say “enjoy living” because I want to talk about more than just enjoying living. I want to talk about finding joy in living. One of my favorite songs is: “Golden” sang by Jill Scott. The hook says, “I’m livin’ my life like it’s golden, golden, golden . . .” That’s what I’m talking about. Living life like it is a precious gift; creating memorable moments and treasuring valuable relationships -living in joy.

Perhaps you are thinking that’s a crazy idea considering our “new normal” during this pandemic, but that makes it more important than ever as far as I’m concerned. If the Corona-virus has taught me anything, it’s that life is way to fragile. Since that’s true, why live with regrets. Why miss opportunities to live in joy. I’m surprised at the little things that can bring joy into our lives and the lives of the people we love even in the midst of crisis.

The other day, my granddaughter had a really bad day at work. I could tell she had been crying even before she shared the events of her day with me. The next day she came into my room an hour before it was time for her to leave for work. She said, “I want to quit! I don’t want to go!” I encouraged her to go and to keep her own goals in mind in spite of how other people behave. As soon as she walked out of the door, I sent her a meme of Squidward (a Sponge Bob character, I spend a lot of time with kids) taking a shower in money followed by a Waynan Brothers meme that said, “Mo’ Money.” I could picture her laughing. She was probably surprised I knew how to send a meme in the first place. When she came home I asked her if she needed a few more memes. She laughed and said, “Nana, you’re so extra!” (I think that’s slang for being great lol.) Today, I sent her a Wonder Women meme and told her how proud of her I am. This was a little thing that brought us both joy.

While you are sheltering in, you can still live in joy. My husband brought me breakfast one morning. It was one slice of bacon and one teaspoon of scrambled eggs. He presented it to me like it was a gourmet meal. His giggles turned into us both laughing, so I returned the favor the next day with one mini sausage and one very small piece of omelet.

Today, I sent several friends songs from my YouTube playlist with a message of love and encouragement. I wrote a poem (the beginning of a new collection) even though it’s really hard for me to write at home. Yet, it was very satisfying. My mom and I prayed together and watched a video bible study together. Today she called all her church friends just to see how they were doing. She was on the phone for hours and I could hear her laughing which also made me smile. What are the things you can do to find and share joy?

Here’s a few old-fashioned things you can do even if you live alone. Give yourself a spa night – a warm bath, a glass of wine, a scented candle. Follow that with painting your nails or just doing a manicure/pedicure. Draw a hop scotch on the sidewalk or in the street for the neighborhood kids. Plant a flower or some vegetables. (You can order seeds, soil, and pots on-line at very low cost.) Cook your favorite meal and serve it on your best china. Call a family member and share a story that’s old and hilarious. Play basketball with your dirty clothes by throwing them in the washer from five or six feet away. (Social distancing my laundry, now that’s a plan.) Get the popcorn, turn the lights out and watch your favorite movie. Add whatever makes you smile to this list. Be creative!

I choose to live in joy rather than fear. I can’t do anything about the Corona-virus and all its mandates. I can choose my attitude, my disposition, and my outlook. I can be grateful that I’m still alive. I can use my gifts, my talents, and my time to bring joy to myself and others by any means necessary – and it is necessary because life is valuable. Try living your life like it’s golden for two weeks, then send me a comment about your experiences. Together, we may come up with more ways to live in joy.

Golden
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I Choose Joy: The Daily Gratitude Practice That Will Transform Your Life
The Daily Gratitude Practice: Record your gratitude for ten things in your life. Write down three goals. Commit to personal and professional growth. amazon.com

Planning to Keep Up Rather than Catch Up

The game of catch up is a ridiculous game as far as I’m concerned.  I mean, once and opportunity passes you by do you really every catch another opportunity just like that one?  Or what about the overload of tasks on your to do list, do you ever really catch up on all those things so you can do what you truly want to do? 

Okay, so you missed the baby shower, but you’ll catch up with your friend before the baby is born. You missed the girls’ night out again, but there will be time when you finish the reports on your desk, Your body’s saying rest, but you only have three more projects to write before that pending deadline. You really can’t plan to catch up without something else coming up, and sometimes that’s because you never say “No”. After all you are the go to person in the family, on the job, in the club, everywhere. Just ask Sue, she never turns anybody down! Does this sound all too familiar?

Perhaps we need to take a different approach to planning our lives. I’ve got two suggestions. The first one is to put everything in your planner (or smart phone). Include your social activities, your down time, and your special plans right alongside your business and “have-to” appointments. I put everything on the calendar so that when someone asks me to do something whether work or pleasure I can look to see if I already have something in that slot. I treat my social and pleasure activities like a appointment because they are. They are appointments with myself and the people and things that are important to me. In the same way that I won’t let things interfere with my business appointments, I don’t let things interfere with my life appointments.

My granddaughter is graduating from high school this year.  We are very close and I’m going to miss her terribly when she goes off to college.  So I’ve made the choice to spend time with her whenever possible  – breakfast outings, shopping sprees, the ballet, special conferences and classes she needs transportation to – whatever allows us to have time together in the midst of our busy schedules. (She’s also a very active and overly committed person.)   In order to make these things happen I’ve had to turn down seminars, get-to-togethers with friends, teaching opportunities, and even some writing time.  True some of these opportunities won’t come around again until next year. Some may never come again, but I also know I won’t get these previous moments with my granddaughter again.  Its a matter of planning and priority for me, and right now she is a priority.

There will be other conferences and seminars. My friends, if they really are friends will not disappear on me.  I will always find time to write.  (Like right now in the middle of my bed with a slice of cheesecake.)   So I have no problem planning and prioritizing what I want to do. So my first suggestion is to put everything in your planning calendar that’s important to you. This will help you make the time and keep the time of your life events.

My second suggestion, you may have guessed by now, is to administer the word, “No!” To do list and busyness will never stop growing if you don’t know how to administer the word “no”.  Seriously, why do we feel bad when the answer is no? We don’t have to make excuses to turn things down, we just have to set our priorities, check our calendars, and our conscience and answer accordingly. “No, I don’t have time for that!” “No, I’m really not interested in doing that! ”  “I’m not available at that time, so the answer is no this time.” Now that didn’t hurt too much did it? You don’t have to be rude or harsh, just matter of fact. (I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of the word no from time to time. Were you understanding? Then others will understand your no’s too.)

Here’s the real questions: how much joy (bucket filling ) are we missing because we say yes to everything that comes along?  How often are we complaining on the inside because we aren’t doing what we really want to do? Are we missing the important events in our lives, like our children growing up, or spending time with our elderly family members, or rejuvenating our bodies with some healthy down time (personal investments)?    How often are we trying to play catch up with the people we love because our time has been stolen away by busyness?

That use to be me until I realized there’s no catching up!  I always planned to spend more time with my dad, but now he’s gone.  I really wanted to catch that Broadway play but I missed it.  Graduations, strolls in the park, midnight swims, seeing the new baby, taking that vacation – I was too overly committed to ever catch up.    Now I let my personal priorities take precedence over other people’s demands on my life! 

How about you?  What are you missing the things that mean so much to you?  Perhaps it’s time to start planning to keep up rather than play catch up.   It goes back to personal investments and filling your bucket (If you are new to these conversations, we covered these topics earlier, take a look back Jan 9th and 16th.) 2020 is a good time to start planning and prioritizing your life.

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Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
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