Milestone Celebrations

October 5, 2023 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

This past Saturday, my youngest son got married. In May my oldest granddaughter will graduate from college, and my middle granddaughter will graduate from high school. My oldest grandson will turn 21, and my youngest grandson will be headed to kindergarten. In July, my entire family will convene in Detroit for our family reunion, and in August, my husband and I will celebrate 45 years of marriage. All of these events are what people call major milestones. All of these events require some form of celebration because they are important life experiences. Graduations, the birth of a child, birthdays, winning playoffs, and retirements are all good reasons to celebrate. By definition, they are milestones in a person’s life (“an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development” Webster). Yet, some days it feels like a major milestone just to get out of bed. (Perhaps that just me.)

When you become a certain age, you began to count small victories as great milestones. Every day that my 91-year-old mom gets up and is physically and mentally able to care for herself, we take a victory lap. Every day that I conquer depression and function as a wife, daughter, teacher, author and friend is a day to celebrate in song. (Singing and music is my muse.) What may seem minor to others may be great events in your eyes. Things like overcoming negative self-talk and maintaining peace in the midst of other people’s chaos calls for a celebration. Being able to stay on budget and plan a vacation or getting a good report from the doctor can be a personal milestone. The size of the celebration may not warrant lots of party hoopla, but these events are worthy of a festive observance. You can celebrate with a glass of wine (my favorite standby) or have lunch with a friend. You can plan a special date night or make a positive social media post. Another favorite of mine is to journal my gratitude, listen to my favorite playlist, or get dressed up and take myself out on the town.

So what if you didn’t start a new job or get that promotion, you are still worth celebrating. So, you lost five pounds instead of 15, that’s a step in the right direction, congratulate yourself. The small wins in life are just as important as the huge milestones. Acknowledge the pebbles that lead to the stones. Short-term goals lead to accomplishing long-term goals. You are still on planet earth; you made it through a pandemic, it’s time to celebrate. If you are still above water in these inflationary times, that’s quite an accomplishment. If you can count five people who truly love and care for you, that’s extraordinary. If you have finally seen one of your goals come to fruition, celebrate. If you have peace in your soul and contentment in your heart, I’d say that deserves special recognition.

Small milestones (pebbles) may not lead to bigger milestones (mountains), but when you acknowledge the small things, it will be harder for disappointment to bring you down. Thoughts like I didn’t hit a home run, but I made it to second base is a lot different from I’m not very good at baseball. Things didn’t go the way I planned them today, but tomorrow is a new day, and I’m going to give it all I’ve got is a different thought process from I never win, nothing ever goes my way. I haven’t finished my latest book, but I finished this blog, cheers to me! I’m going to sit on the front porch with a glass of wine, the novel I’m reading, and enjoy the moment. The birds will sing. The chipmunks will scatter, and I will be happy that I accomplished this small thing today.

What little pebbles have you overlooked? Did you control your temper today? Did you release your anxieties through mindfulness exercises? Did you enjoy a garden salad and skip the decadent chocolate cake? Did you have a communication breakthrough with your wayward child or your significant other? Did someone tell you how much they love you? Did you get through rush hour without an accident or crisis? Did you find some old pictures that brought sweet memories and made you smile? What can you find to celebrate today? Trust me, there’s always a reason to be grateful, and there’s always a reason to celebrate.

Slow down! Reflect! Be grateful! Celebrate life.

New Beginnings

August 12, 2023 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

For teachers and students, the month of August (in Geogia) always marks the season of new beginnings: a new school year, a new grade level for some, and definitely new opportunities. New beginnings come in all types of ways, but we have to be open to receiving them. That means our attitude and our expectations have to line up with the new potentials and new possibilities. If we don’t expect anything new, we may miss out because our negative perspective blocked our view. That’s why it’s important to keep an open mind and a positive outlook.

At the school where I used to work, we had a motto that the students and staff recited every morning. The part I like the most is: “Today is a new day and a fresh start, I will strive for excellence. I will do my part.” Every day is a new beginning. We have the opportunity to do things differently than we did them before. Very rarely do things just happen, we have to put some effort in the outcome we want to have. A fresh start calls for fresh and renewed effort. There is a joy in knowing yesterday is over and done, but today is new – a day whose outcome is not predetermined. It’s a day of possibilities yet unrealized. I know that sounds like an over optimistic mantra, but it really is true if we allow ourselves the opportunity to act on it. Too much reflection over past failures can stop us dead in our tracks. At the same time too much fear and anxiety about the future can stifle our progress. Today is the day of recourse. Today is the day of fresh starts.

One of my former students was devastated when she failed the written portion of the driver’s license test. To her knowledge, she was the only one of her friends who failed. I also think her self-image had been damaged since she was a high achiever and honor student. I asked her what went wrong, but she didn’t have an answer. She just kept saying, “I failed.” Eventually I ascertained the problem. She had assumed much of the test was commonsense. She had pursued the driver’s manual but had not truly studied the material. Together we laid out a plan of study and a practice test. She was well prepared for the retest in my opinion; however, she was trapped in fear. She kept saying, “What if I fail again? I won’t be able to take the test again. This is my last chance.” She was projecting her past unto her future. She wasn’t defeated by her study habits or her ability to perform. She was defeated by her negative thought life. I call that “stinking thinking.”

Teachers spend a lot of time trying to convince students that they can accomplish their goals. It is part of our job to overcome their fears and inhibitions, especially since we are constantly introducing new concepts. This is particularly hard with adult students. (I teach Language Arts through Reasoning for GED students now.) Young children believe you when you tell them they can do it. Encouragement and praise will motivate them to try their best. Adults, on the other hand, rely far more on their past experiences than anything you say. Statements like, “I’ve never been good at math; I’m not a good writer or speller; reading is not my strong suit; I just don’t get it!” spew from their lips. Why don’t they say, “I’m going to get it this time, I’m not giving up, this is my time to finish strong”? It’s because they don’t see their effort as a new beginning, they see it as a continuation of old conditions.

Well, my student retook the written portion of the driver’s test, she passed with flying colors. She was more surprised than anyone else. She fully expected to fail even though she had dedicated real time to studying the manual. I hope she walked away with a life lesson which she can apply to the rest of her challenges, but I’m not sure she did. Yet, I will continue to encourage my students to embrace the motto: “Today is a new day and a fresh start. I will strive for excellence; I will do my part.”

How about you? Do you still have a dream or goal that you haven’t seen come to fruition? Is it because of “stinking thinking?” Is it because you are stuck on the conditions of the past? Have you become fearful of failure, worrying about things that have yet to happen? Are the words of a negative cheerleader, a naysayer, ringing in your ear? Guess what? This is a new opportunity for you to try again. It’s time for a new beginning from a new you. You are not the same person you were years ago. (I don’t think any of us are the same since the Pandemic.) You bring more experiences and knowledge to the table. You have more connections and networks to glean from and receive help. Ignite the fire in your heart. Tell yourself “I can do this! This is a new day! I can make a fresh start.”

One of my mentors in the faith always used the motto below. I hope you will try it out along with the school motto above. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life, give it your best shot!” (In loving memory of D. A. Anderson) Take it from someone who has to overcome internal obstacles and external time constraints to achieve my goals as a writer, a teacher, a wife, a daughter, and a friend, new beginnings are a blessing every single day, and right now I’m giving it my best shot. (Even in this run-on sentence.) Peace.

Self Talk – Negative or Positive

August 24, 2020 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

The other day I had quite a long talk with myself. Before you decide how crazy I am, it’s fair to say everyone talks to themselves. The real question is do you talk aloud or just in your head. I do a little of both. Lately, I’ve become more aware of where my conversations with myself are going. Some of them deal with memory such as “what’s today, Tuesday or Friday. Last week, I know I had at least two Saturdays; this is one of the curses of the pandemic. My routines used to help me keep track of the days. Other conversation are of a more personal nature such as: “When are you going to start exercising, you know you’ve gained twenty pounds,” and “You are complacent; you should be writing.”

Lately, more of my conversation has been negative – deriding myself for not being more productive, more upbeat, more social to the levels that I know I could be, more principled, more proactive. Needless to say all this negative self-talk leaves me depressed and even more lethargic than I was before I started prodding and probing myself. Like so many others, I am tired of physical distancing, nil travel opportunities, and social activities limited to my immediate family. More than that the pandemic necessities have stymied my creativity. My blog and my other projects have slowed tremendously because my favorite writing places are off limits.

Yet, I can not allow myself to continue down this road of negative self talk. It leads to depression. It leads to anger. It leads to overwhelming grief. It leads to hopelessness. The emotions that grow out of this negativity are intolerable. It has the opposite effect of it’s intent. Why do we think deriding ourselves (or others) is a motivational tool. You really can’t encourage positive behavior through ridicule and mockery (not in yourself or others). Making myself feel bad did not trigger me to feel better or to do better in the areas that troubled me.

Truth is, everyone is trying to establish workable routines and some sense of normalcy for our lives during this pandemic. We shouldn’t blame ourselves for the time it takes us to adjust to the “new normal.” All of us should be congratulated for learning to work from home or work in a nearly empty building. We could use some praise for the way we have maintained contact and social closeness while physically distancing. We should dispense some compliments for the ingenuity and creativity that has come out of the necessity to help and train others to make the best of their resources.

I’m not just talking about what we say to others; I’m also talking about what we say to ourselves. We are survivors. We are contributors. We are essential, not only as workers but as mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, extended family members, neighbors, and friends. We can be proud of ourselves and tell ourselves: “I am amazing. I can do so many things. I am prepared to take the next step. I can change my circumstances. I have the resources to make a difference. Today is a new day, I can start over. Under the circumstances, I’m doing well. Its time to make some new goals. This is an opportunity to try something new.” Our self talk can be positive and motivational.

My oldest son fell through a garage window when he was in elementary school. We had just moved to Georgia during the holiday season. He received a bike for Christmas. As he was riding down the hill the brakes locked and he went airborne through the neighbors garage window. After surgery to reattach his nose and stitch up his face, he had a big Y-shaped scare on his face right beneath his eye. He was going to go to a new elementary school in our new city in January. I knew it would difficult and I knew the scare would be the object of questions and ridicule. The only thing I could thing of was to try to prepare him for both. Every morning and every night, I stood behind him as we looked in the bathroom mirror and repeated positive affirmations. These included the meaning of his name. How talented he was. How there was no shame in explaining how he got the scare. There were so many things besides his scare that defined him and it was those things that would cause him to make friends and succeed in his new school. Today he is forty-one and the big Y-shaped scare is barely visible, but learning positive self-talk has never gone away.

I had a long talk with myself the other day. I told myself: “No more negative self talk! If you want to change something, change it. If you are unhappy about something, do something about it. Give yourself a break if it doesn’t work the first time. Never be afraid to try again.” The little saying below is something I got off the internet last year to encourage my fourteen year old granddaughter. I have added it to my positive self talk as an affirmation. Maybe you can use it too.

Motivational Quote for the Classroom | Inspirational quotes for ...

Stay Positive. Stay Sane. Stay Safe!

Silencing the Power of Stress

February 1, 2020 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

“Stress is not a silent killer, if you don’t believe me listen to your self-talk.” Several weeks ago I posted this phrase on my personal Facebook page, and I’ve been thinking about it this week. Many medical experts agree, stress will kill you. It causes insomnia, high blood pressure, irritability, digestive issues, and more, depending on the level and intensity of the stress. It also can kill your will to live your best life by casting shadows of doubt and despair over your goals, your relationships, and your creativity.

Stress seems to be quite a dangerous influence over our lives, but is that partly because we give stress more power with negative self-talk? That’s the thing I’ve been thinking about as I look for ways to control my own stress levels. In the same way that negative people can suck the life out of you with their constant diatribe of “what if’s,” and “that will never work,” and the ten thousand bad things that happened when someone they don’t even know tried that. Our own self-talk can have the same effect.

How many times have you said to yourself, “how could I have been so stupid? Or “look at the mess I’ve got myself into!” Or worst yet, “I’m never going to get out of this mess,” followed by a million things that could go wrong. The worry that comes with stress builds an anxiety for the unknown future that’s staggering. Our imagination seems to take that ball and run away with it. If you are like me, you discover that none of the “what if’s” ever really happen. Of course, this is after weeks of sleepless nights. Okay enough of the downside. I discovered one way to turn my stinking thinking around that I would like to share. (Actually it’s an additional way because everything I’ve written before helps too!) It’s called a Gratitude Journal.

A Gratitude Journal forces you to look at and think about all the good things that are happening in your life. This is an easy journal. You don’t write paragraphs; you make lists. For example, if you are feeling sad, try making a list of 25 to 50 things (actual things) that make you happy. Don’t try to find big, extravagant things, just the simple things like playing with your dog, smooching with your boo, a cup of hot chocolate – if it makes you smile it goes on the list.

Another way the Gratitude Journal can change your self-talk and negative thoughts is by making a list of the things you are grateful for. If your life is anything like mine, you have lots of the things to be thankful for that you don’t really take the time to think about. (Partly because you’ve moved some of those things to your bucket list to think about later.) For example: looking at the sky in various stages of light and darkness fills my bucket, I’m really thankful for house with skylights. I’m really thankful for a dog that doesn’t chew on things and doesn’t bark a lot. (I had a dachshund once that literally chewed the baseboard off the wall.) I’m so very thankful for a husband who let’s me be me and loves me.

The more bogged down in stressful thoughts you are, the longer your list should be. Try it! 50 things you are thankful for right now. Then you can take your Gratitude Journal up a notch by adding some pictures (photographs or magazine cut outs). You could also add quotes, perhaps something nice that you heard or read, or maybe something a loved one said to you.

Your Gratitude Journal is a great exercise just before bedtime. It moves your mind to a more joyful place which will help you rest and sleep. We all know that stressful thoughts love to show up when we lay our heard on the pillow. Its really important to replace those thoughts with positive ones and shut the negative down.

Last thing – add a screen shot of one of your Gratitude Journal pages to your phone, tablet, or computer wallpaper as a reminder that everything in your life isn’t difficult. Most of us have a lot more going on that’s good in our lives than bad, but we’re bent toward focusing on the problems. It’s time to focus on the pleasure. Let me know what you think and of keeping a Gratitude Journal. I’d love to know if it helps to make a positive difference in your life.

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