Hurry Up and Stop

September 13, 2025August 14, 2025 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I live in a rush-rush world. Everything feels like hurry up and do this or go there, but sometimes I have to make myself stop. While outside sources place demands on my life, I have to place demands on my own life as well for self-care, and nurturing relationships, and maintaining sanity. Because of my need for inner peace and wholeness I have to give up hurrying and simply stop the rush-rush life.

It is no wonder people call life a “rat race.” Like the rat running through a maze to get the cheese we have become accomplishment addicts. Some of us are chasing power and prestige while others are chasing prosperity and possessions. None of these pursuits are wrong until they become all consuming, so much so that our health and well-being is failing and our relationships are inconsequential. I saw some very shocking statistics the other day. It said only 2.7% of American adults have healthy lifestyles (Mayo Clinic Proceedings) meaning many of us struggle with chronic illnesses that could be prevented. Wow! Just 2.7%, the rest of us are too busy for self-care and healthy choices. (Check out the reports of the USDA, CDC, and the Bloomberg Healthiest Country Index.) Likewise, the number of divorces has increased annually (Modern Family Law, Purdue University) and our teens and young adults are dying by suicide at an alarming rate. (Jed Foundation, CDC, Yale School of Medicine). In other words, families are in crisis and people are self-destructing. Is this really the benefit of the Pursuit of Happiness? Are the “rat race” outcomes worth dying for?

Even if you don’t believe the statistics try taking a survey of your friends and family, your coworkers and neighbors, your classmates and associates. How many of them are dealing with chronic diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and cardiopulmonary issues? How many of them have ulcers and migraines? How many of them have problems in their marriage or have been married more than two times? How many of them have “wayward” children, troubled teenagers or babies in daycare eight to eleven hours a day? What are the mental health issues among your inner circle? Don’t forget to count yourself in the survey. Chasing the dream without balance is costly in a variety of ways. The rats want to live long enough to enjoy the cheese, right? That’s why it’s past time to hurry up and stop.

I have been struggling with insomnia for about a month. Everyone keeps asking me what am I worried or anxious about. My doctor suggest upgrading my antidepressants. My nutritionist suggested giving up caffeine and chocolate. Other well meaning friends suggested chamomile, melatonin, warm milk, a cruise, and a spiritual retreat. All these helpful ideas required some soul searching on my part. Was I stressing or worrying over something consciously or unconsciously? Was I depressed beyond my usual levels and struggles with depression? Was this the source of my inability to sleep? Had I increased my intake of caffeine or chocolate over the past couple of months, if so was that related to anxiety? I finally came to the conclusion that it was none of those things. What I needed was time for myself and to myself. This is not a new concept for me, I just have to remind myself from time to time. I needed quality time away from all the outside sources that were plaguing me to do, to go, and to be on call and in action 24/7. I needed to stop trying to be all things to all people and become my own self-advocate to rest, relax, and recreate. I love the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of recreate. It says, “to give new life or freshness, to refresh.” That’s exactly what I needed – to refresh my soul.

For those of you who follow me on social media you’ve seen my bird drawings. Drawing brings me inner joy and peace, mostly because I’m not thinking about anything else. I can’t multitask and draw. I can’t concentrate on anything except the shading, the lines, the colors, and bringing the bird to life. For me, self-care is not just getting a manicures or pedicures or a message. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but they are not enough. That’s just outside care like paint on a broke down car. Self-care starts on the inside. It is nurturing my mind with the sacred word or a good book, It’s using my creative skills to crochet a gift for a friend or family member. It’s spending time with my husband listening to a nice jazz combo. It’s going out to dinner with my mom and discovering new restaurants outside of our community. It’s sitting or walking on the bank of a river or lake feeling the elements on my skin and enjoying the Creator’s tapestry. It’s snapping pictures of wildlife and flowers. (View my gallery.) It’s bird watching, playing with children, spending time with my grand children and the people I love. It’s praying while I gaze into the morning sky or while listening to the night sounds. These things nurture my soul and fuel my ability to do the things I do in the marketplace and in the community. These things help me to work from a place of fullness rather than laboring from a place of emptiness. These things enrich my life so that my contentment and joy does not rest solely on what I am able to accomplish in a day or a week or a year. These things stabilize my health, my relationships, and my spiritual wellbeing. These things give me a refresh after the outside sources have tried to suck the life out of me. All I have to do is hurry up and stop the striving, and the multitasking, and the plethora of communication through technology, and the non-stop priorities of outside sources until I can achieve balance with my own priorities.

We have the ability to change our expectations of ourselves and at the same time change the expectation of others. So much of what we do is because we have allowed ourselves and others to think overworked, overstimulated,, and over committed is the norm. Just as we learned to believe these things about ourselves, we (and they) can learn to believe something different, They can learn that we are talented but our time for work is limited. They can learn that we have fortitude and tenacity but we also have personal priorities. They can learn that our start time also has a stop time when we minister the word “no” with firmness and care. They can even learn to hurry up and stop themselves.

Tell me what you think about all this? I’d love to hear from you.

PEACE AND RESTORATION

“We’re not just designed just to work all day and run a rat race. We’re designed to be in community, to volunteer, to vote, to raise our kids. And I think the more inputs and investments we can give in people to do those things, the better off we are as a community.” – Michael Tubbs

Protect Your Peace

September 10, 2024 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 4 Comments

Not too long ago I was talking to my oldest granddaughter about some family matters and was suggesting she get involved. She surprised me when she said, “No thanks I have to protect my peace.” When I asked her what she meant by that she explained how certain situations and people sabotage your peace by making their issues your issues or by creating drama where there should be no drama at all. That conversation made me evaluate my boundaries. Was I protecting my peace or giving others permission to take it away.

These days peace is a precious commodity. There is so much chaos in our world. Admittedly, some of it is people creating unnecessary drama and some of it is the result of community trauma. The source of the loss of peace can be the daily news broadcast or unfounded theories and speculation about the future by religious leaders. Gossip can be a peace thief as well as worry and anxiety. General bad news about the economy, politics, the housing market, the educational system, food contamination, and automobile call-backs bombard the walls of our peace. Family or personal illness may be the culprit as well. Still, it’s really up to us to protect our peace. It’s up to us to determine what things we allow to reside in our minds and rob us of our peace. We choose the importance of an issue, and we choose the exposure we want to have to peace disrupters.

During the worst days of the Pandemic, my mom became an avid news watcher. The things she saw on TV upset her terribly. Sometimes she thought the repeated stories were new events and that made it worst. I asked her to stop watching the news so much and to watch things like cooking shows and game shows especially before bedtime. The daily local and world news was affecting her sleep, her appetite, and her general peace of mind. There seemed to be nothing but bad news. There are many people who act like the news broadcast, they are the source of bad news in our lives. Whenever you see them or talk to them, they have nothing but upsetting news to report. Their media feeds are filled with it; they have negative opinions about everything. They have the same effect that watching the news had on my mom and we must choose to turn them off.

It may be hard for you to think about cutting people off, especially family members, but healthy boundaries create healthy lives. Our minds can only take so much stress before it takes its toll physically and mentally. That’s why setting boundaries in relationships is important. We should set our expectations when interacting with others, as well as they should set their expectations for interacting with us. This will ensure our physical and emotional comfort and clarify individual responsibilities in the relationship. For example, I refuse to discuss politics with anyone because political discussions have become so divisive. This is my personal opinion and my personal choice. I do not ask others to follow my preference, I simply let them know where I stand and quietly bow out of the conversation. I cannot be prodded into joining a conversation about politics. If my boundary is not respected, I physically remove myself from the company of that person or persons.

Sometimes protecting your peace means using what you already know about a situation or an individual. If you know certain people like to keep confusion and chaos going, avoid their company. If you know someone whose pastime is arguing. Avoid group conversations with them. Avoid having to be defensive in relationships and don’t be afraid to tell people about your boundaries. You don’t have to offend them or ask them to change. It’s really about you and not about them. They are allowed to be who they want to be. You can simply say, “I would rather not have this discussion.” Or “Please excuse me I have to leave now.” Or “thanks for the invitation, but I won’t be able to come.” We can find creative ways to protect our peace.

I would be remised if I didn’t also say we should hold close those people and surroundings that bring us peace. Certain people and places make you feel comfortable and welcomed. Around them you can be your authentic self, and you know they are being authentic with you. Or perhaps there’s a place that calms your spirit and bring back that peace of mind you long for. My best friend is one of those people. We can talk or not talk when we are together, it’s comfortable and we have genuine love and respect for one another. We can enjoy many things together because we have similar likes and dislikes. I’m peaceful in her presence. Most of you know my go to place for peace is the river or the ocean, but truly any source of nature brings peace to my soul. I have my desk facing the window so I can see the trees and the birds in my backyard (and the creek waters in the rainy season). So, it’s not just about blocking boundaries, it’s also about opening boundaries to let the right things in.

Do you have peace in your life? Are you the source of confusion and chaos or is it another person or group? Is your peace important to you? Do you savor peaceful moments? Do you know how to protect your peace? I would love to hear your perspective on this topic. In the meantime, may peace abound in your life more and more,

Be Safe. Be Kind. Be peaceful.

Self-Care, a Non-Negotiable

February 8, 2020 ~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Why is it when you say self-care to most people they start talking about manicures, pedicures, massages, man caves, and nights out with the girls/boys? I’m for all of that, but these things are not self-care; they are rewards. In some cases, it’s more stressful to fit these things into your schedule which defeats the purpose of self-care. Self-Care should prevent stress or at least mange it. That’s why self-care should be non-negotiable. After all, how can we be our very best selves if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. How do you define self-care?

Here’s my take on it. Self-Care encompasses all those things which keep you (or get you to the point of) health: physically, mentally, and spiritually. These include things like rest, sleep, hydration, nutrition, intellectual stimuli/input, exercise (especially stretches), healthy relationships, and spiritual enrichment. In other words, self-care is taking care of your authentic self – the you without the masks of your business or social personas. It’s the things that make you thrive; the things that bring you joy, peace, comfort, and health. Wow! That’s a mouthful!

What I’m trying to get at is, we don’t pay enough attention to taking care of ourselves. We spend so much of our time taking care of others that we become the last man on the totem pole. So our families, our co-workers, our civic, community, and church responsibilities all get taken care of while we fall apart in every area of our lives. Unfortunately, I speak from experience. One day I realized my health on every level (physically, mentally, and spiritually) was deteriorating because all of my attention was focused on helping everyone else, even when they really didn’t need or accept my help.

Self-Care has to become a non-negotiable. Hopefully, this realization comes before it’s too late – before the heart attack, before the overwhelming depression, before the loss of good relationships you needed to nurture, before dreams and life goals suffer, and before you lose yourself completely. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself? Is my lifestyle making me miserable? Is it because my life takes the backseat to everyone else’s life?

Even if you have suffered some losses as I have, you can start where you are. Begin a self-care regiment and make it a priority! Get enough sleep and rest. Don’t just fit it in where you can, make it a precedent. Eat nutritious meals at regular intervals of the day and hydrate. (Red Bull and coffee is not a meal!) Your body needs fuel and rest to function properly. Feed your intellect and your spirit with truth and joy. Exercise your body and your mind. Surround yourself with wholesome relationships, people who share your interests and have your best interest at heart. Avoid takers! (That could be a topic in and of itself!)

As I work on my own self-care, I’m finding that I enjoy my life more. I look forward to the things that keep me healthy: reading a good book, enjoying my favorite fresh fruit (mangoes, and cherries), cooking specialty dishes (love my Food Network app) , listening to good music, spending time in prayer and meditation, taking a long walks, catching a nap after work, spending time with my friends, date night with my husband, lunch and conversation with my mom, writing, singing, solitude in my favorite places. My self-care may have come late, but it came just in time for me to enjoy my life and work toward my dreams and goals with real energy.

How’s your self-care? Is it on the back burner? Do you have time for yourself or are you so busy working and caring for others that there is no time for you? Has the needs of others negotiated your self-care away? Think about that image of the airline oxygen mask. Put your mask on first, then you can help someone else put on their’s. It’s not too late to save your life! Choose to be a healthy you. Make self-care a priority.

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