Tag: the pursuit of happiness

Hurry Up and Stop

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I live in a rush-rush world. Everything feels like hurry up and do this or go there, but sometimes I have to make myself stop. While outside sources place demands on my life, I have to place demands on my own life as well for self-care, and nurturing relationships, and maintaining sanity. Because of my need for inner peace and wholeness I have to give up hurrying and simply stop the rush-rush life.

It is no wonder people call life a “rat race.” Like the rat running through a maze to get the cheese we have become accomplishment addicts. Some of us are chasing power and prestige while others are chasing prosperity and possessions. None of these pursuits are wrong until they become all consuming, so much so that our health and well-being is failing and our relationships are inconsequential. I saw some very shocking statistics the other day. It said only 2.7% of American adults have healthy lifestyles (Mayo Clinic Proceedings) meaning many of us struggle with chronic illnesses that could be prevented. Wow! Just 2.7%, the rest of us are too busy for self-care and healthy choices. (Check out the reports of the USDA, CDC, and the Bloomberg Healthiest Country Index.) Likewise, the number of divorces has increased annually (Modern Family Law, Purdue University) and our teens and young adults are dying by suicide at an alarming rate. (Jed Foundation, CDC, Yale School of Medicine). In other words, families are in crisis and people are self-destructing. Is this really the benefit of the Pursuit of Happiness? Are the “rat race” outcomes worth dying for?

Even if you don’t believe the statistics try taking a survey of your friends and family, your coworkers and neighbors, your classmates and associates. How many of them are dealing with chronic diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and cardiopulmonary issues? How many of them have ulcers and migraines? How many of them have problems in their marriage or have been married more than two times? How many of them have “wayward” children, troubled teenagers or babies in daycare eight to eleven hours a day? What are the mental health issues among your inner circle? Don’t forget to count yourself in the survey. Chasing the dream without balance is costly in a variety of ways. The rats want to live long enough to enjoy the cheese, right? That’s why it’s past time to hurry up and stop.

I have been struggling with insomnia for about a month. Everyone keeps asking me what am I worried or anxious about. My doctor suggest upgrading my antidepressants. My nutritionist suggested giving up caffeine and chocolate. Other well meaning friends suggested chamomile, melatonin, warm milk, a cruise, and a spiritual retreat. All these helpful ideas required some soul searching on my part. Was I stressing or worrying over something consciously or unconsciously? Was I depressed beyond my usual levels and struggles with depression? Was this the source of my inability to sleep? Had I increased my intake of caffeine or chocolate over the past couple of months, if so was that related to anxiety? I finally came to the conclusion that it was none of those things. What I needed was time for myself and to myself. This is not a new concept for me, I just have to remind myself from time to time. I needed quality time away from all the outside sources that were plaguing me to do, to go, and to be on call and in action 24/7. I needed to stop trying to be all things to all people and become my own self-advocate to rest, relax, and recreate. I love the Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of recreate. It says, “to give new life or freshness, to refresh.” That’s exactly what I needed – to refresh my soul.

For those of you who follow me on social media you’ve seen my bird drawings. Drawing brings me inner joy and peace, mostly because I’m not thinking about anything else. I can’t multitask and draw. I can’t concentrate on anything except the shading, the lines, the colors, and bringing the bird to life. For me, self-care is not just getting a manicures or pedicures or a message. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of those but they are not enough. That’s just outside care like paint on a broke down car. Self-care starts on the inside. It is nurturing my mind with the sacred word or a good book, It’s using my creative skills to crochet a gift for a friend or family member. It’s spending time with my husband listening to a nice jazz combo. It’s going out to dinner with my mom and discovering new restaurants outside of our community. It’s sitting or walking on the bank of a river or lake feeling the elements on my skin and enjoying the Creator’s tapestry. It’s snapping pictures of wildlife and flowers. (View my gallery.) It’s bird watching, playing with children, spending time with my grand children and the people I love. It’s praying while I gaze into the morning sky or while listening to the night sounds. These things nurture my soul and fuel my ability to do the things I do in the marketplace and in the community. These things help me to work from a place of fullness rather than laboring from a place of emptiness. These things enrich my life so that my contentment and joy does not rest solely on what I am able to accomplish in a day or a week or a year. These things stabilize my health, my relationships, and my spiritual wellbeing. These things give me a refresh after the outside sources have tried to suck the life out of me. All I have to do is hurry up and stop the striving, and the multitasking, and the plethora of communication through technology, and the non-stop priorities of outside sources until I can achieve balance with my own priorities.

We have the ability to change our expectations of ourselves and at the same time change the expectation of others. So much of what we do is because we have allowed ourselves and others to think overworked, overstimulated,, and over committed is the norm. Just as we learned to believe these things about ourselves, we (and they) can learn to believe something different, They can learn that we are talented but our time for work is limited. They can learn that we have fortitude and tenacity but we also have personal priorities. They can learn that our start time also has a stop time when we minister the word “no” with firmness and care. They can even learn to hurry up and stop themselves.

Tell me what you think about all this? I’d love to hear from you.

PEACE AND RESTORATION

“We’re not just designed just to work all day and run a rat race. We’re designed to be in community, to volunteer, to vote, to raise our kids. And I think the more inputs and investments we can give in people to do those things, the better off we are as a community.” – Michael Tubbs

My drawing of a Baltimore Oriole

Community = Common Unity

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

“Community” is on the lips of every local politician and every civic organization. Whether schools, churches, or mosques we all want to see stronger communities; but what do we mean by community. When we say community where are the boundaries and borders? Is it a one block radius around my house, or the whole area of the housing development? Is it the designated name of an area used by voting districts or property taxes, or is it the area used for postal services by zip code? In smaller towns is it the whole town or just the city limits? Perhaps it is time define or redefine community for everyone.

If you study the etymology of the word community you will find its origins in Latin, and Old French. In Latin it is the word “communis” meaning the same and “communitas.” meaning common, public, shared by all or many. Our English word community is an adaptation of these words from the Old French word “communaute” which refers to public spirit or commonality. Outside of the fact that I love studying the historic context of words it always interests me that most words we consider to be “American” are actually borrowed words from other languages. Needless to say, over time words seem to take on new meanings and lose their intended and original definition. So, allow me to simplify the meaning of community for this blog post as derived from this background: Community equals Common Unity,

Several weeks ago, a huge oak tree fell in my front yard. We were lucky that it fell at an angle, so it didn’t hit our home or the homes of our neighbors. It did fall across the street and left limbs and debris in our neighbors’ yards as well as blocked the entire street. A young man came over from the end house and offered to help my husband clean up the debris and cut and remove the tree. It turned out that he owned a tree cutting and removal business. Another neighbor from the cul-de-sac came with power saw in hand to help with the cleanup too. The young business owner finished the job of removing the fallen tree and proceeded to cut bad limbs on other trees in our yard. He also pruned my crepe myrtles and inspected other trees on our property. When my neighbor to my left came home there was no evidence that our tree had left limbs and leaves all over her yard. It turned out that this young businessman who was relatively new to the neighborhood has helped people all over the neighborhood. When asked what was really in it for him, he said, “This is my community it’s our job to help one another.” Imagine that. This young man saw our entire development as his community.

That fact is disaster has a tendency to draw a community together. Floods, hurricanes, fires, all these things bring families and neighbors together because they are experiencing “communitas.” Trauma, grief, upheaval, and lost is the commonality that brings everyone together. Differences are put aside. Unity of purpose is understood in terms of survival and rebuilding. This is commendable, but also temporary. I am always amazed how people come together from all over the country to help individuals in these disastrous situations. Yet, why should it take catastrophe to remind us that we are one community.

Before calamity happens, we have a common unity. Every parent wants a good education and a safe environment for their children. Every bread winner wants to make enough money to take care of their families. Renters want to become owners. Owners want to maintain their property values. Everyone wants to have nourishment and clean water to drink. All people need clothes appropriate for the weather and affordable housing. Healthcare and retirement income are all common needs amidst the aging. Everyone sheds tears at the loss of a loved one. Everyone is pursuing happiness – the so-called American dream. These are not political talking points; these are community needs. These are the things we have in common with our neighbors and others who live in our region. These are reasons for us to relate to one another and to help one another. If you really think about it, we have more in common than we have as differences. Pain, fear, hope, dreams, struggle, thriving are all part of our common experiences.

Rather than allowing politics, racism, sexism, classism, and other social economic circumstances to polarize us why can’t our commonalities unify us? We breathe the same air. We walk or drive the same streets. We have the same desires for our families. This is not rhetoric; look around our world. Here’s the reality and if we are not careful, we will create more disasters to draw us into unnatural communities. Let’s remember our common unity before things around us get worst. We should build our community to make it stronger by stepping in to help in any way that we can. Like the young businessman I mentioned above, we can use our expertise to make our communities better. Like the neighbors that came to help us, we can use our collective efforts to fix and clean up our shared space.

It’s time to unify. It’s time to be a real community. It’s time to capitalize on our common unity. PEACE!

Photo by Kaique Rocha on Pexels.com

Miracles in the Mundane *

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

            I have always had some disdain for pat sayings like, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.”  First of all, there were no roses in the concrete courtyards where I grew up.  There were also no roses in the deep south where my relatives farmed from sunup to sundown.  So even if I didn’t forget to smell the rose, I couldn’t find the roses.  Yet now, so many years later, I have learned to appreciate such sayings.  Using mental exercises and developing defense mechanisms to overcome and defeat depression, I have learned to smell the proverbial roses.  I call these exercises looking for miracles in the mundane.  

            Looking for the miracles in the mundane started with me noticing how well and whole I felt out in nature.  This is also when my amateur hobby as a photographer began.  Little things that often go unnoticed by others gained my attention.  Questions about those things brought them into greater focus.  Why does that tree’s leaves turn golden in the fall while another tree’s leaves turn red?  How long do turtles swim in the lake with only their little heads at the surface?  Why can’t chickens fly, after all they have wings?  I began snapping pictures of everything that intrigued my curiosity. (Visit the gallery on this site to few a view of my pictures.) Thus, came thousands of pictures of roses, not proverbial roses, but real roses. 

            As I traveled the states fulfilling my bucket list to spend time in all fifty states, I made botanical gardens one of my “must-see” destinations.  Through the camera lens I discovered all roses were not the same.  Their shapes were different.  Their colors varied, and their scents were not the same.  There are so many varieties of roses, and each of them have their own unique characteristics and features.  With a little research, I found out that new roses were being introduced all the time.  Botanists crossbreed certain varieties to develop yet another type of rose. 

As if all these roses weren’t enough, I began to find bugs and butterflies in my photographs.  In Chicago, I found birds in my pictures.  In Alabama, I got sidetracked by waterlilies which lead to ducks, geese, and swans.  Since I’m naturally curious (my kids say my best gift is interrogation), I began researching what birds are indigenous to Georgia.  This started a new hobby, amateur bird watching.  I have photographs of cardinals, robins, woodpeckers, peacocks, geese, a variety of ducks, yellow warblers, blue jays, trashers, and hummingbirds.  Of course, I still don’t know why the males are so colorful while the females are brown or gray.  I suppose it’s a way of protecting the mothers from predators, but I like the idea that the males have to sport their wears to attract the females and keep their attention. 

In nature, one thing always leads to another for me like the pattern of river water flowing over boulders; the snow melt flowing down the mountain side; the colorful fall leaves from tree to tree and state to state; the ebb and flow of ocean water, the beauty of a moth or a butterfly; little brown rabbits eating my mom’s garden plants; baby deer frightened by their own shadow; squirrels playing chase in a nearby tree; pigeons having a parking lot scavenger hunt, and my dog snuggling next to me to chase my blues away.  These are all miracles in the mundane. 

Every day we walk right by miracles:  wildflowers growing on the hillside, children laughing and playing, an elderly couple looking passionately into each other’s eyes, a prism of color in a puddle mixed with motor oil, a lizard sunning himself in the driveway, the brightness of a full moon, the pictures in the clouds floating overhead, and our own reflections in the mirror.  The miracles in the mundane help us to remember there really isn’t anything mundane. 

The mundane is in our way of thinking.  If we allow ourselves to lose interest in the world around us, we miss the miracles.  If we allow ourselves to be thrill seekers, we reduce every miracle to something boring and monotonous.  This becomes our loss.  The best things and people around us go unnoticed not because they are not there, but because we have closed our eyes to the mystery and wonder that surrounds us.  So, here’s my suggestion, “Don’t forget to smell the roses.” 

  • Reprint from DeKalb Voices Review, 2023 with revisions.

Pursuing Happiness

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a complete guide to surviving and maintaining happiness during times of crisis? After all, somebody should have the answers to all of our questions, right? Maybe that’s the danger of fairy tales, we always expect the story to end with happily ever after. It doesn’t take much adult living to figure out that that is a crock. Happily ever after comes in spurts throughout our lives. It’s hardly ever a constant, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t see our lives as happy in overview.

The question is does the good out weigh the bad? Have we made corrections, adjustments, or a conscious effort to establish the basis for our happiness. Admittedly, happiness is an elusive and ethereal term that can be defined in a thousand different ways. So, allow me to define my terms. I’m talking about a contentment that brings peace and joy to your life.

Several years ago my grandmother died. She was close to ninety. She was blind due to glaucoma and she had severe Alzheimer’s. She had lived a good life prior to the onset of Alzheimer’s. She enjoyed traveling between the states of her children and grandchildren. She loved to try new things, and she had an abundance of hobbies. She used to say she was doing everything she could to enjoy her life while she was able because the day would come when she couldn’t. She did not dread what the future held, she simply accepted the fact that change would come as she grew older. (She based this way of thinking on scripture, particularly Ecclesiastes chapter 12) That doesn’t mean she didn’t have some hard and rough days. She did – the failure of her marriage, the loss of a home, the death of her sisters and her parents, the loss of sight in her left eye before losing the sight of the right – many major and minor life events. Yet, she found a way to laugh, to count her blessings, to appreciate the love of family and friends around her, and practice her faith every day. She is my example. She is what I strive to emulate in my worldview and outlook on life.

“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our disposition, and not upon our circumstances.” I don’t know where this quote comes from, but I believe it’s true. My grandmother was born in 1911. She grew up impoverish. She worked hard as a sharecropper in the South and as a domestic worker in the North. When I was twelve she got a job as a factory worker which earned her a Social Security check of a little over $600 a month. Yet, she was rich in her attitude toward people and life. Everyone loved her. So many people all over the country (due to her travels between family members) adopted her as their mother or grandmother. She was respected for her humanity and her spirituality. She was a confidant, a friend, a nurturer, a giver. She was my inspiration.

So here we are in the midst of a pandemic. What’s our disposition? What kind of attitude do we have toward our circumstances? How has it changed our outlook, our perspective on life? Are we miserable or happy? I’m finding a lot of that depends on me, not on others. When I wake up in the morning before the sun rise and hear the birds sing, I am so grateful. I’m reminded that there are persons who can’t hear what I hear. I’m aware that I’m alive. I have the activity of my limbs, a sound mind, my five senses (maybe six or seven), shelter, food, family, and so much more. I start my day counting my blessings and praying for those whose experiences are so different from mine. Being grateful enhances my empathy and reminds me that things can change drastically at any given moment. Like my grandmother, I purpose in my heart to enjoy my blessings and to be a blessing while I can, so that when the day comes that I can’t I won’t have any regrets.

It’s hard to be sheltered-in. It’s uncomfortable to wear masks and gloves every time you step out of the house. Long lines at the grocery store and drive through restaurants are so inconvenient. But, if you compare that to not knowing the destiny of your hospitalized love one; or being homeless not only during the pandemic, but before and after it; or having COVID19 while pregnant; or losing a love one who died alone; what do we have to complain about? My heart breaks as I hold the heart of my friends and family, as well as hear about countless others who are suffering at a far greater level than anything I have known or experienced. Yet, I can also find peace and joy in doing whatever I can to help them. (There are countless charity opportunities and ways to express your desire to help.)

If you can’t find you happiness – your peace and joy – or your contentment, may I suggest a couple of things. 1) Do a self-check. If you are depressed seek help: a counselor, your doctor, or clergy. Don’t accept depression as a norm. 2) Stay connected. Stay in touch with family and friends by any means necessary. Use electronics, stand outside windows, or call them on the phone. Take some classes on the internet, sign up for seminars. (Some local libraries are offering virtual classes.) Participate in virtual church or club meetings. Don’t be an island unto yourself. (ref: John Donne) 3) Find a way to give back. Donate food, clothing, or dollars to an organization that is helping those in distress. (You can do this at any age. My mom has been making masks.) Volunteer at a food bank or to drive Meals on Wheels, if you are not at that vulnerable age or have preexisting health issues. 4) Journal. Write your experiences for posterity. Write your feelings to examine them. Write your goals and dreams and how you can creatively accomplish them during the pandemic and after. Write fiction, poetry, song lyrics, or recipes. Writing can be very cathartic. 5) Count your blessing. Try to count 30 things that you are thankful for each week (or day). Do this while taking a walk or a warm bubble bath or sitting on your porch (deck) at sunset or sunrise. (You could also use your journal for this.) Lastly, 6) Do something you enjoy everyday. Read a book, cook, garden, sew, build bird house, whatever you enjoy doing find a way to include it in your schedule. It will give you something to look forward to as well as bring some joy to your heart.

We can pursue happiness by adjusting our attitude and watching our disposition. It starts by changing what we can change, and that is usually ourselves and how we choose deal with our circumstances. To that end I share one last thing with you – the Serenity Prayer.

Printable Typography.Serenity Prayer. 8x10. DIY. PDF. | Etsy

Stay healthy, safe, and happy.