Tag: time

It’s Not Too Late to Give the Gift of Presence

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

I have spent the better part of my life around my elders – my great grandparents, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, and the elderly members of my church and community. What I know now that I didn’t know then was each one of them gave me an intangible gift of their presence. I was never dismissed or overlooked by them, they made me feel important and interesting. Today, we call that “being seen.” We were not just physically together we were emotionally and spiritually together. They saw me and I learned to see them. They were fully present with me and that is a priceless gift that I still cherish to this day. 

I remember fleeing the city and landing on my great aunt Katie’s porch. It was the one place I could go and feel safe and loved. We had an agreement that she would not tell anyone I was there. She and I would sit on the porch and talk until the lightening bugs came out. Sometimes we just sat and listened to the radio. I wrote lots of letters and sent lots of cards when I couldn’t leave the city. It kept our connection going even across the miles. I had the same kind of relationship with my great uncle Fred. I loved to hear the stories of his travels and his work. He is the only one of my relatives that drove all the way from Tennessee to California to see me. He and I shared a love of gospel music and antique things. I could tell these two people anything in confidence. They listened with their hearts and shared their lives generously. Lord, I miss them, but memories of their presence in my life brings me comfort and peace even now.

These days it seems that we spend far too much time and energy trying to give tangible gifts. We seem to believe material things are the best gifts. Perhaps we have been sucked in by the myriad of commercials that bombard the airways. Or perhaps it’s a matter of convenience, a quick transaction. It takes far less time to purchase a gift card than to sit and commune with someone. At any rate, we tend to use our purchasing power more than our interpersonal interactive power. Things get set aside, regifted, or simply forgotten over time. We tell ourselves it is the sentiment that counts, but is it really? How much more sentiment does the gift of one’s presence give? 

Activities, conversations, and time spent together are invaluable. I love when we sit around the table or in front of the fireplace talking about our experiences and dreams. Conversations that trigger fond and intimate memories is a remarkable treasure. When we spend time laughing or crying with people it creates a special bond. When we share activities together like fishing, or making cookies, or patch working a quilt, or playing a board game, we create memories that can be treasured for years to come. After the gift card is spent, or the gift is exchanged or packed away, the moment fades away and becomes a vague recollection of the season or occasion of the little time spent with the people we associate with. 

The tangible gifts we can recall are the gifts of thoughtfulness. Perhaps you received a handmade gift from your grandchild or a well-thought-out gift from a friend who knows all your favorite things. These kinds of gifts have presence attached to them. The giver knows you, loves you, and carefully chooses what they know you will like and cherish. For example, one of my dear friends and prayer partner gave me a beautiful glass bluebird last year. This year, she gave me an artist drawn calendar of birds for 2024. She knows I love birds and I’m an amateur bird watcher. There was no particular occasion, she saw these things and thought of me. Why? Because we have given each other the gift of presence for a number of years. She knows me. She cares for me. Just thinking of her right now brings a smile to my face. We have taken the time to invest in our friendship – real time and real communion. 

It’s not too late to give the gift of presence to someone in your life. Perhaps there is that friend you have been meaning to call and catch up with. Perhaps there is a relative you saw at the last family funeral, and you said: “Let’s not meet this way again, let’s get together soon.” Perhaps there’s an elderly neighbor who could use a little company every week or so. Or maybe there is someone in your life who has given you the gift or their presence and you’ve not taken the time to tell them what they mean to you. The gift of presence is intangible. The value of presence is an indescribably investment – one that you can carry with you for the rest of your life. 

Someone you know needs the gift of presence not because it’s the season of giving and getting, but because there is nothing like being known and seen, honored and appreciated, received and treasured. When you give the gift of presence you leave an indelible mark of true companionship and comradery that is priceless and continues to give for a lifetime. As long as you have breath, it’s never too late to give the gift of presence. 

May the New Year bring you many gifts of presence and in this case, it really is better to give than just receive. Happy 2024. 

Time Passes

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

Time passes so quickly; sometimes you don’t even notice how fast. Recently, I was in line at my local bank. When my turn came at the counter, the teller greeted me by name. He asked about my oldest son and my mother. Clearly this young man knew me, but I was baffled. I’m usually pretty good with faces even when the person’s name escapes me. I finally had no choice but to ask him his name and how he knew me. It turned out, he was one of my second grade students from fifteen years ago.

While he told me a little about himself and his sister who had also been a student, I was thinking , ‘Wow, how time passes!’ I’ll be honest with you, I never think about how old I am until I’m confronted with it. There I was old enough to teach my former students’ children. His children and my grandchildren are in the same grade. Needless to say, I enjoyed our conversation. We now chat every time I see him at the bank. Time passes, but our impact on a person’s life rarely does.

I remember my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Gorman and my second grade teacher, Mrs. Southerland. I remember my music teacher, Mrs. Taylor and my gymnastic teacher, Ms. Graves. These teachers and so many others had such an impact on my life – an impact that will never be forgotten. They invested their time, talent, and treasure in my education and self-esteem. They encouraged me to be and do my best at various stages of my development. I believe they left a little bit of themselves with me which allowed me to cultivate the essential parts of my identity and my worldview. These educational examples are multiplied by numerous relatives, family friends, pastors, counselors, bosses, neighbors, professors, co-workers, and coaches who took the time to encourage or support my endeavors and dreams. As time passes, this list grows exponentially.

It’s amazing when you think about how people can impact your life and how the effects of that impact can last a lifetime. Their faces, their words, the touch of their hands, the gift of their time emerged with your personality, your goals and your dreams can be magical when the impact is positive. On the other hand, when the impact is negative not enough time can pass to set aside the damage done to one’s self-esteem and emotional stability. What’s that saying about how many positives it takes to erase a negative? Time is passing whether we make an impact or not. Still it’s up to us whether we use our time communally or selfishly.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. It reads, “There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” (NIV) This passage makes it clear that there is a positive way to spend our time, and there is a negative way to spend our time. For me, the cool thing is we get to choose. (My own interpretation.)

We can’t do anything to stop time from passing. Minutes roll into hours, hours roll into days, days roll into months, and months roll into years. The next thing you know decades have passed. The question is, what are we doing with our time. Are we investing ourselves into the lives of others – another generation? Are we making a positive impact on our culture – our society? Will we be cherished in someone’s memory after we have translated to another time and space? Will someone smile when they see us years later, or when our name comes up in conversation? If ever there was a time for choosing to build, to laugh, to heal, to embrace, to mend, to speak kindness, and love; the time is now.

The young man I mentioned at the top of this blog entry told me that our school’s summer camp meant the world to him and his sister. He said it was their happy place at a time when their home environment was not so happy. His mother and father were in a domestic battle which included some physical abuse. There were days when they were afraid to be at home. He said he and his sister owed their aunt who paid for the summer camp everything. He said he was glad to have the opportunity to thank me for making learning exciting, taking them on fieldtrips, and expanding their world. He said our school convinced him and his sister that life would get better one day. I certainly can’t take credit for all our school had to offer; I believe the students in every grade had the same experience. What I took away from our conversation is how important it is to pass your time wisely as you interface with others. You never know how much the things you say and do will impact someone’s outlook for the future.

Wow! A lot of time has passed as I tried to capture a particular moment in time and the impact it had on me. I want so much to live a life that’s worth the living – to leave a legacy that gives the generations behind me hope and vision. That’s why I write. That’s why I teach. That’s why I participate in the beloved community. Yesterday is gone, but the things we’ve done, the things we said, the impact we’ve made can live on. Seeing my second grade student all grown up with a beautiful outlook, a family, and good memories from a difficult childhood motivates me to keep trying to make a positive impact in the time that I have.

Take a few minutes to think about those things and people that made a positive impact in your life. Share it with someone you care about before time passes.

Peace to you. Stay safe. Stay sane.

There is a Time . . .

Reclaiming Our Time

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Two days ago I was talking to my grandson and he asked me why I don’t crochet anymore. (I used to make him and his sisters hats and scarves every winter when they were young. He’s sixteen now.) I finally had to answer him with the words, ” I don’t know.” Truly, I can’t remember making a conscious decision to stop crocheting. Over the last several days, I’ve discovered I’ve stopped doing several things that I once enjoyed. As I investigated this idea of giving up things you enjoy without realizing it, I found that many of my friends and loved ones have done likewise. The running theme seemed to be, ” I don’t have time to do it anymore. With the job, the kids, the running around, something had to go.”

Those things that had to go were too often the things that helped us to relax, feel useful, feel a sense of fulfillment, and self-satisfaction. Everything from woodworking, sewing, gardening, arts and crafts, painting, needlepoint, collectibles, cook-outs, bowling, and myriad of leisure activities went away because of our busy schedules. Instead of being well rounded, we’ve suffered from schedule stress. (Love that alliteration.)

Who would have thought stress was related to our loss of leisure time activities. Psychologists tell us that children and adults suffer stress from overloaded schedules. Our to-do list have taken over our lives because we don’t schedule breaks or time-off; we don’t see leisure enjoyment as a critical need. Boy, have I been there! Before the pandemic, my schedule consisted of work and providing transportation for the kids.

Many days I left work on my way to the dance studio to drop off or pick up my granddaughter or to pick up my mom from the house to transport her to the store or church. I practically lived in my car. I ate meals in my car, I wrote poetry in my car, I made return phone calls in my call, I did lesson planning in my car, and I took naps in my car. Needless to say when I got home the only thing I was in for was going to bed. This cycle continued day after day, week after week, month after month. It became the norm.

For many of us the pandemic changed all that, but for some heart attack, stroke, exhaustion, depression, and emotional strain was the change agent. I’ve actually heard some people grateful for the break that the Pandemic gave them from the “rat race.” Now that’s sad, yet it does offer all of us an opportunity to reevaluate our schedules. Our time and our priorities should correlate with our needs and our necessities as social beings. Needs meaning the material and physical requirements for living, and necessities meaning our relationships, spiritual, and personal growth.

Establishing routines and reclaiming our time and talents is possible now. As we head back to work, we can begin setting our schedules to include every part of our being. As I have written in the past, I make an effort to “fill my bucket” with things that bring me joy. I may not crochet in the near future, but it won’t be because I don’t have time for it. It will be because I’m doing something else that relaxes me, fulfills me, or brings me satisfaction. The rat race can not longer be my norm. Life is too short. (Another lesson from the pandemic.) No more living in my car. No more over-scheduling myself and my family members, No more saying “yes” to everyone except myself. No more saying “no” to the things that matter. I won’t miss living a well-rounded life because I’m over worked and over taxed.

Let’s use these days of social distancing and quarantine to reclaim and redefine our time. Let’s begin prioritizing our lives so that we enjoy living rather than dread it. If I’ve learned nothing else during this time of pandemic, I have learned that the things I thought I couldn’t live without didn’t matter as much as I thought they did. Nothing matters as much as my family, and friends, and our well-being, and our being together safe and healthy. (Yes, that’s a run-on sentence 🙂

It’s your choice. What do you want out of the time you have? You can reclaim or redefine it in a way that makes you whole and joyful.

Time Smart: How to Reclaim Your Time and Live a Happier Life
Four out of five adults report feeling they are time-poor: They have too much to do and not enough time to do it. And the consequences are severe. The time-poor experience less joy each day. They laugh less. They are less healthy, less productive, and more likely to divorce. In one study of 2.5 million Americans, time stress produced a stronger negative effect on happiness than unemployment. Amazon.com

How Did I Get So Busy?: The 28-Day Plan to Free Your Time and Reconnect with What Matters Most
There’s no doubt about it: these days we are just too busy. With the conveniences of technology, we’re compelled to get more done in less time and end up constantly striving for the next thing – rarely stopping to consider if it’s something we even want. As a result, we end up missing out on the things that truly matter: our relationships, the activities we love, quiet time to reflect and replenish our energy. Amazon.com