Tag: writing

Working with The Unexpected

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 2 Comments

This past week I accepted a job as a kindergarten substitute teacher. To my surprise, I had a second-grade class to teach when I arrived. The inner child in me wanted to pitch a fit and leave, but the teacher in me decided to work with the unexpected. That got me wondering how others respond to the unexpected in life. How do you respond to the unexpected? (No, really. Please share.)

Unexpected things in life can be both good and bad. You could get a promotion, that’s good. You could get a pink slip, that’s not so good. The doctor could give you a clean bill of health, or the doctor could pronounce the dreaded disease of cancer. A tree could fall on your house in a storm, or someone could rear end your brand-new car. Your favorite person could pay you a surprise visit. You could find out you’re having twins. The best restaurant ever could go out of business. The one you love could propose. Life is filled with unexpected challenges and pleasures. Sometimes we have to learn to work with them whether we want to or not. We would all rather walk away from disappointment and choose only the “good” things, but that’s not the way of life.

Many years ago, I thought I had achieved my dream occupation as an educator. A friend, my spiritual leader and I joined forces and founded a Chrisitan school. The school grew out of an academic summer camp I had been running for years. We named the school after my great grandparents Will and Mariah Jackson. We started with pre-kindergarten through second grade. Each year we added another grade until we reached grade five. Everything was going well. My godson handled the bookkeeping. My friend’s wife handled the day-to-day office work. The staff was well qualified, and the students were learning and enjoying their teachers and activities. Everything seemed to fall in place. We bought new furnishings for our classrooms from a local school district. A donor gave us enough computers to start a computer lab. This had been my dream for years because my children had been products of this type of school in California. My partner and I were happy with the impact of our little school. Then the unthinkable happened.

One cold winter night, my friend’s wife called me, “He’s gone,” she said. My friend, my spiritual advisor, my business partner had died. Out of nowhere he had a massive heart attack. There were no signs prior to this that warned us. There was no opportunity to bargain or change paths. It was devastating to everyone, especially his wife and family. Grief and sadness filtered down to everyone that knew him – the students, the staff, the members of his congregation, organizational leaders, and even the community at large. Even as I look back now, it hurts my heart. The loss was tremendous, and the empty space could never be filled by another. Eventually, I crumbled, and the school closed.

Why am I talking about this now? Because we live with the unexpected every day. Big things, like the one I just conveyed, and small things like having a cavity. The unexpected is to be expected. Mass shootings at schools, shopping centers, and places of worship; random stray bullets barrowing into homes; senior citizens being scammed out of their life savings; women and children being abducted off the streets, and major companies closing their doors for good are just a few of the unexpected things that can and do occur in our world today. On the flip side there are good, unexpected things as well – new community alliances that pass out food and clothing to the needy; the revitalization of Neighborhood Watch programs; young entrepreneurs creating new jobs; free lunch programs for school-aged children; and unexpected benefactors paying off student debt at the local HBCU. So many unexpected things can happen at any given moment.

Sometimes I find myself trying to explain the world to my 91-year-old mother and my 21-year-old granddaughter. Mom wants to know why things can’t go back to the way they used to be, and my granddaughter wants to know what to expect in the future when things are always changing. Mom experienced loss in so many ways during the pandemic – loss of friends and community, loss of the ability to drive and socialize, loss of freedom – she had to learn to live in a new kind of normal for her own safety. My granddaughter graduated from high school during the pandemic. There was no prom, no graduation ceremony, and no community celebration. Her first semesters at college were spent on-line in the dorm room rather than in person. None of the expected challenges or standards seem to exist in her new world. In other words, mom is trying to adjust to the impersonal world of technology and AI, while my granddaughter is trying to adjust to being thrusted into adulthood with all its responsibilities and none of its former assurances. Each of them – all of us – must learn to work with the unexpected.

We can’t allow the unexpected to leave us halted in fear. We can’t allow the unexpected to styme our growth or our dreams. We shouldn’t just stop in our tracks and wait for the next blessing or disaster to get us moving again. Nor can we allow corruption in high places to corrupt our moral compass and values. We must learn to work with the unexpected, because the unexpected is not going away. We have the tools to do it. We can network with like-minded people. We can elevate our problem-solving skills through study, lectures, think tanks, and podcasts. We can adjust our schedules, become change agents, form or change our inner circles while taking advantage of technology and interpersonal relations. We can work with the unexpected. We simply need to make and stick with a plan to move forward.

I have a friend who says you always need a plan C. C stands for courage, and we all need that when plan A and B fail. Plan C will help us ask for help. Plan C will help us admit it when we are wrong. Plan C will give us the ability to start over. Plan C will allow us to celebrate the victories of others even when our victories stop coming. Plan C will help us navigate and work with the unexpected with a “we can” spirit. In the Words of the Pointer Sisters, and for Women’s History Month, I leave you with the lyrics of their song: “...I know we can make it. I know dare well we can work it out. Oh yes, we can, I know we can, can. Yes, we can, can…” With a little courage, we can work with the unexpected.

Developing Character

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

As an author of short stories, I spend a lot of time trying to develop my characters. Depending on the role each character holds – antagonist, protagonist, comic relief – their character must reflect their thoughts and actions. What is their back story? What is their worldview? What is the driving force behind their emotions and their relationships? Character isn’t just the outward appearance of a person; it is also the inside makeup of that person. If this is true in the world of make believe, how much more is it true for each of us here in the real world?

We are charged with being a person of good character. Whether we have had a great life, or a life filled with hardship, we are tasked with what kind of character we have. Whatever role we play in society, our character is reflected in our interactions and relationships. We have a choice in who we become. We have a choice in what kind of person we want to be. Unlike the characters in my book, we have a say in whether we are what we appear to be. We can construct and develop our own character. 

I do know that some would argue against that last statement. There are many who believe our back story and our environment make us who we are. How many times have I heard that this child or that child is a product of their environment as if one’s environment is made up of a stagnant singular place. What part of one’s environment has the most influence? Home? School? Socio-economic Community? How do we explain the differences in character of people who come from the same “environment.” Why does one person rise to the top while another person scrapes the bottom of the proverbial barrel for a lifetime? One individual chooses to rise above their circumstances. Another person chooses to invest time developing character and high standards of thinking and acting. 

So, what is character? According to the Oxford Dictionary character is: ”the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; strength and originality in a person’s nature; a person’s good reputation.” These qualities include personality, temperament, outlook, and disposition. The question becomes do we control these traits or does some outside force control us like the author of a book. Do we have a say? I think we do. We have the ability to look into the mirror and decide what kind of person we want to be, and we have the ability to change. 

This week I decided it was time to clean my office. In the process I came across my junior high and high school yearbooks. It was interesting to read the comments made by my teachers and peers. Many of these autographed inscriptions spoke to how they saw my future based on my character as a student and friend. One of the characteristics that many of them seemed to pick up on was my ability to shut people out. Some even connected this attribute with my temper and temperament. So, they made statements like: ”If you stop being so evil you will go far.” ”If you let people see the real you, you have a bright future ahead.” Several people said they wished they had gotten to know me better even though we had been classmates from elementary school through high school. I can look at many of these comments and smile, but I also have to take in consideration how much I have changed or not since then. Do I still cut people off? Do I still appear mean and temperamental all these years later? It’s interesting that my closest friends from that era (who are still in my life today) still see me the same way. While friends and colleagues who never knew me before, see me as outgoing and congenial. Very few classmates saw me that way. This speaks to outward appearances as well as personal responses to people and circumstances. 

We can develop our character to present a different set of traits in various situations. Different people may know and see us in different ways than others. Yet, our character should not have a Jekyll and Hyde persona. If we are good moral people, this should be obvious in all circumstances. If we are kindhearted and fair, it should manifest in our speech and actions. If we are reserved and tactful, no one should be able to describe us as radical and outrageous. If we are even tempered and ethical, riotous rage should never explode uncontrollably from our tongue or actions. We can develop our character by our life choices every day. We can change what we don’t like, and we can enhance what we love. Our choices may determine our future successes and defeats as stated by my old autographs, but it may also lead to better and safe communities.  

Some of the ills in our world today go back to character development. Our communities need good characters – persons who consider good citizenship, neighborliness, and moral consistency to be the qualities of maturity and health. As an author, I don’t want to create a book filled with antagonists. This would be a hostile adversarial environment with no relief in sight. How would the story end? More than likely, it would end in self-destruction and hopelessness. Every story needs a protagonist to support and champion a good outcome. Our real world needs more protagonist: heroes, heroines, advocates, champions, opposers of evil and destruction. Character development can help in a mighty way to transform our antagonistic world. 

May we all continue to work on our character and help our youth to develop good character that will transform their lives and ours. Happy MLK Jr. Day!

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”  Martin Luther King Jr.