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Planning to Keep Up Rather than Catch Up

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

The game of catch up is a ridiculous game as far as I’m concerned.  I mean, once and opportunity passes you by do you really every catch another opportunity just like that one?  Or what about the overload of tasks on your to do list, do you ever really catch up on all those things so you can do what you truly want to do? 

Okay, so you missed the baby shower, but you’ll catch up with your friend before the baby is born. You missed the girls’ night out again, but there will be time when you finish the reports on your desk, Your body’s saying rest, but you only have three more projects to write before that pending deadline. You really can’t plan to catch up without something else coming up, and sometimes that’s because you never say “No”. After all you are the go to person in the family, on the job, in the club, everywhere. Just ask Sue, she never turns anybody down! Does this sound all too familiar?

Perhaps we need to take a different approach to planning our lives. I’ve got two suggestions. The first one is to put everything in your planner (or smart phone). Include your social activities, your down time, and your special plans right alongside your business and “have-to” appointments. I put everything on the calendar so that when someone asks me to do something whether work or pleasure I can look to see if I already have something in that slot. I treat my social and pleasure activities like a appointment because they are. They are appointments with myself and the people and things that are important to me. In the same way that I won’t let things interfere with my business appointments, I don’t let things interfere with my life appointments.

My granddaughter is graduating from high school this year.  We are very close and I’m going to miss her terribly when she goes off to college.  So I’ve made the choice to spend time with her whenever possible  – breakfast outings, shopping sprees, the ballet, special conferences and classes she needs transportation to – whatever allows us to have time together in the midst of our busy schedules. (She’s also a very active and overly committed person.)   In order to make these things happen I’ve had to turn down seminars, get-to-togethers with friends, teaching opportunities, and even some writing time.  True some of these opportunities won’t come around again until next year. Some may never come again, but I also know I won’t get these previous moments with my granddaughter again.  Its a matter of planning and priority for me, and right now she is a priority.

There will be other conferences and seminars. My friends, if they really are friends will not disappear on me.  I will always find time to write.  (Like right now in the middle of my bed with a slice of cheesecake.)   So I have no problem planning and prioritizing what I want to do. So my first suggestion is to put everything in your planning calendar that’s important to you. This will help you make the time and keep the time of your life events.

My second suggestion, you may have guessed by now, is to administer the word, “No!” To do list and busyness will never stop growing if you don’t know how to administer the word “no”.  Seriously, why do we feel bad when the answer is no? We don’t have to make excuses to turn things down, we just have to set our priorities, check our calendars, and our conscience and answer accordingly. “No, I don’t have time for that!” “No, I’m really not interested in doing that! ”  “I’m not available at that time, so the answer is no this time.” Now that didn’t hurt too much did it? You don’t have to be rude or harsh, just matter of fact. (I’m sure you’ve been on the receiving end of the word no from time to time. Were you understanding? Then others will understand your no’s too.)

Here’s the real questions: how much joy (bucket filling ) are we missing because we say yes to everything that comes along?  How often are we complaining on the inside because we aren’t doing what we really want to do? Are we missing the important events in our lives, like our children growing up, or spending time with our elderly family members, or rejuvenating our bodies with some healthy down time (personal investments)?    How often are we trying to play catch up with the people we love because our time has been stolen away by busyness?

That use to be me until I realized there’s no catching up!  I always planned to spend more time with my dad, but now he’s gone.  I really wanted to catch that Broadway play but I missed it.  Graduations, strolls in the park, midnight swims, seeing the new baby, taking that vacation – I was too overly committed to ever catch up.    Now I let my personal priorities take precedence over other people’s demands on my life! 

How about you?  What are you missing the things that mean so much to you?  Perhaps it’s time to start planning to keep up rather than play catch up.   It goes back to personal investments and filling your bucket (If you are new to these conversations, we covered these topics earlier, take a look back Jan 9th and 16th.) 2020 is a good time to start planning and prioritizing your life.

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Personal Investments

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

These days everyone is either involved in investments or interested in investments because investments offer a certain amount of security for the future. Of course, that depends on the value of your assets, although value is subjective I suppose. That’s why I want to talk about one of greatest commodities today – people. Now if you’ve been following me at all you knew I wasn’t going to talk about micro and macro-economics. Trust me, when you reach the crossroads between life and death your first thoughts will be about the people you love not the portfolio you had. Yes, I said had, because when you die it all goes to your beneficiaries or the state. (Side note: Have your stuff in order so the state doesn’t inherit your fortunes even if you have to give everything to charities.)

Several days ago I walked into a branch of my bank in another neighborhood. As I walked up to the teller he greeted me by name. That threw me off because I had never been in this branch before, and his face wasn’t one that I recognized. He proceeded to ask me if my mom was still with us. I replied in the affirmative so he asked how she was. By then I guess my strained response or more than likely the look on my face told him I was completely puzzled. Finally, he says, “You don’t remember me do you?” “I’m afraid not,” I said, “it’s the plague of getting old,” I smiled. He told me his name and the name of his sister. They had been students in a summer camp I used to own when they were small children. They came back every summer for three or four years he informed me. He went on to say how he remembered me playing with them and taking them on so many field trips. These were some of his best memories in childhood according to him. “You showed us the world of possibilities.” By this time, I was completely floored, pleased, and completely happy to be the recipient of such praise.

This young man had gone on to college and graduated with a degree in business. He was commercial loan officer at the bank filling in for an absent teller. We looked at pictures of his family and talked a little about the school his children attended. As I left, he said he was going to call his sister right away to tell her about me. Now you tell me, wasn’t that a wonderful payoff for my investment. Time and money well spent. Dividends still paying off for another generation.

This past holiday, I received a handwritten card by snail mail from a women I’ve known for more than 20 years. She lives on the west coast and we only see her every four or five years. I was so surprised to get this card; everyone I know sends greetings by text or social media; they certainly aren’t that personal. I was so touch by what she had written I called her immediately. We talked for more than an hour. It was great to reconnect with a long time friend. One thing she shared with me was her commitment to send personal notes, birthday cards, and greetings for other occasions for her friends and family. She said not only does it make them feel special but it brings her joy to do it. (Sounds like she filling her bucket!) She emphasized how the elderly on her list really enjoyed these handwritten notes because some of them are not techno-savvy. Also many people save these and look at them again and again; each time they experience the love and joy that they received when they first opened them.

Are we to busy to invest in people? Are we so consumed by work or personal entertainment that we don’t have time to actually talk to people? Has technology caused us to forget the personal touch of actual conversation? If we don’t invest in the younger generation why should they invest in us? I know time is also a precious commodity, but what’s the point in having a high volume portfolio if I can’t make time to share my life with others?

How are you personal investments coming along? Parents? Grandchildren? Children Neighbors? Friends? Co-workers? Classmates? Are those relationships growing or depreciating?

I’m beginning to see a great return on my investments. I hope you will too!

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What’s in my bucket?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Right off the bat I want to say, this bucket is not about my bucket list.  No, this is about filling my bucket.  It started when our school principal chose a book entitled Have You Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids by Carol McCloud.  The premise of the book was that a kid could be happy or happier by showing kindness, respect, and helpfulness to others.  My take away was you have to be present in the moment to take advantage of an opportunity to fill the bucket. 

If filling someone’s bucket ultimately results in your bucket being filled there has to be some intentionality to living in the now.  That’s one of the main differences between having a bucket list and filling a bucket.  A bucket list implies that you will be or do something in the near future, or at least before you die – a kind of delayed gratification based on some day.  Bucket filling is about the present.  It is the result of living in the moment. 

In my writing I often focus on the history and relationships of past generations (especially in poetry) while considering the effects and investments it makes on the generations of the future.  Yet, I must also walk in the present.  If I fail to be present in the now, then I may miss the happiness (I prefer the term joy) of the relationships I have right now.  In other words, the past provides lessons while the future provides hope, and the present provides an opportunity to live life to the fullest.  Therefore, in order to keep my bucket filled and fill the bucket of others,  I must be intentionally present in the moment.

You may be thinking what does that look like?I  Here are a few examples from my life.  When I wake up in the morning I sit on the side of my bed, take in a deep breath, and stretch and twist my limbs and torso just to express gratefulness for life, strength, and a sound mind. When I step outside, I take the time to look up at the sky and listen to the morning sounds: my wind chimes, birds, traffic, cicadas.  I tune my favorite radio stations so that I can sing along, laugh, and listen, but mainly remain calm and unrushed in traffic.  As I drive through my subdivision, I do so watchfully and cautiously in order to spot the wildlife such as deer, rabbits, owls and opossums.  (There is also the occasional pet. I am definitely a nature lover.) 

When I meet my co-workers or people in the local coffee shop, I make an intentional effort to look them in the eye, notice their body language, and listen to their words.  (I truly hate when people ask how you are without taking the time to listen to your response.  Sometimes I’ll say something ridiculous just to catch them off guard, like I think tongue is growing longer!) When I arrive home again,  I engage in real conversations with my family.  I really want to know about their day and their experiences.  

Being present in the moment means you engage all of your senses, as well as your intellect and spirit.  Ask yourself what regrets will I have if I lost my sight (or any other sense) today.  If you would wish to see your love one’s face or a sunset or a flower, the question is why aren’t you looking at them today – when opportunity presents itself. 

There’s the DJ on the radio, Willie Moore Jr., he says, “Today is a gift that’s why it’s called the present” .  That may sound a little glib but it’s true.  We shouldn’t wait to fill our buckets with once in a lifetime adventures; we should fill our buckets with the wonders of life’s daily experiences and relationships.  Really smell the roses, really savor the flavor, truly engage and commune, actually feel and reflect, actively listen and see.  Fill Your Bucket and at the same time fill the bucket of others with the joy of being present.  You deserve it and those around you deserve it.  It’s hard to live with regret when you actively living each day intentionally. 

What will you do to be fully engaged in your environment?  How can you utilize your five senses to observe and experience life around you?  What will it take to enhance the communion of your relationships? What activities can you use to refresh and revile your spirit?  How can you fill a bucket and find daily happiness?  Please share your thoughts and share this book with a child you love. 

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Being Intentional

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment
This is a lot different from a New Year’s resolution. New Year’s resolutions tend to be optimistic delusions. I know that’s strong, but how many of us have made the same resolutions for the last ten years without achieving any of them? I like to call these the “I wanna’s.” I want to loose weight, I want to make more money, I want to start my own business, I want to go out more, I want to establish new relationships, I want to be a writer, but the reality is we’re not truly motivated to do anything about these things. In other words, we have no real intentions.

Intention implies making a plan. A plan requires decisions, details, and arrangements of time and space. If we want to accomplish something we have to be willing to design our lives. Here’s an example from my life. I wanted to write more with the goal of being published. I talked about doing this for a number of years. Every year was going to be my new beginning. I would start writing and before I knew it I had stopped. Life, work, laziness, pessimism, distractions, procrastination – something always got in the way. (By the way this was true with my diet as well.) So I ended up with folders and journal with half written stories, a few poems, and a lot of idea notes, but no material for publication. About five years ago, I got serious, partly as a result of a Vision Board workshop, and partly because I really wanted this thing.

Here are some pointers I picked up from the Vision Board workshop. Don’t just cut out pictures; actually write down how you plan to make those pictures a reality. What steps will it take to get there? Will you need classes, a partner, some how-to books? Can you find a mentor or interview someone who is successful in the area of your desire? These ideas sparked a fire in me. I grabbed a composition notebook and wrote down all the things I thought I needed to do to accomplish my dream.

So these are the steps I took. I looked for and enrolled in a writing class. (This was a class about writing memoirs and my first published book was a memoir.) I subscribed to two periodicals about writing. I bought a Writer’s Market book along with several other books about honing my skills as a writer. I joined a writer’s group that met at the public library weekly, and I set aside two hours three days per week to go to the library to write. (It didn’t take me long to realize I couldn’t avoid the distractions of my family even though I have a home office.) Lastly, I wrote a list of the things I wanted to accomplish each week. This was a checklist that helped me hold myself accountable for following through with assignments and short and long term goals. It was very intentional.

Think about it! If you are around other people who are doing what you want to do, it makes it real. It tells your brain and your heart, it’s possible. When you design a plan that includes short and long term goals, it helps you to move forward and make progress. It makes your decisions and your effort intentional. Intentionality helps you build the appropriate habits and work ethics to succeed.

I think it’s hard for us to be intentional because so many things are planned for us. We have forgotten how to plan for ourselves. Someone else designed my work schedule at my job. Someone else wrote the job description. Someone else wrote the list of duties, and my evaluation is based on me meeting their goals. What about your personal goals? Whose going to set your schedule? Whose going to write a description of the duties? How will you evaluate your success? BE INTENTIONAL! Being intentional is not a resolution it’s an action plan.

Perhaps you have other ways of being intentional that you would like to share. Share your plan for success with us! Let’s all be more intentional in 2020. DESIGN YOUR LIFE!

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Journals or diaries- Is that a question?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 4 Comments

Whenever I look at my stacks of journals I always imagine my sons looking at them after I’m dead saying, “What are we supposed to do with these?” The first reason is because there are so many of them. The second reason is because they can’t be sure whether they are my writing journals or personal diaries. Most of us don’t want to know our parents deepest secrets, especially if it will burst our “perfect” bubble of who we think they are. The thing is, I don’t know if I know the difference either. I write what I write. If I’m feeling blue, I write about that. If I’ve got an idea for a poem or story, I write about that. If I’m studying and an interesting fact sticks out in my mind, I jot it down. I carry my journals to classes and write notes in them. I carry my journals to the monastery and write prayers in them. I write my hopes, my dreams, my disappointments, my triumphs – I write! I don’t think about content. I do write dates and sometimes I write context, but mostly I just write. My journals include both private and public information and I really don’t worry about people reading them – which may only happen when I’m dead. I do think whoever reads them will think I’m absolutely as weird as they thought I was. But since we’ve been talking about journaling for personal change and to leave a family legacy, let’s discuss types of journals/diaries.

According to my friend Martin, there are three types of journals: (1) The Project Journal (2) The Life Journal and (3) The Daily Exercise Journal. The Project Journal is for ideas, details, and issues for a specific project like the stories you want to record for your children, or the novel you are working on. The Life Journal (Martin also calls it the Breathe Journal) is used to record personal experiences good or bad, things that bother you, venting , or something that means something to you like sights, sounds, relationships – in other words, personal stuff. I guest this is what most people call a diary. The Daily Exercise Journal is the place where you practice disciplines such as writing prompts, memorizing scripture, positive affirmations, and or honing your writing skills. Needless to say Martin is a very organized individual and I love that about him, but that’s just not me.

I’m one of those people who has more than one journal going at a time, but there are no demarcations in their content or style. I’ve used every thing from bound leather books to composition notebooks from Walmart. I carry something to write in at all times. Whether I’m at work, at the park, at church, or in the library, I record what’s important to me at the time. It simply doesn’t matter to me if it’s a personal thought or a business thought. What matters is what I want, think, or need is recorded, and I know where to find it when I need it. Once I start writing a story or a collection of poems – any writing with a real purpose – then I glean from these journal to form a designated content book. This is when I am building on a theme where continuity is important.

Now I know handwritten journals are becoming a thing of the past. Many people are keeping journals and even composing books electronically. There are journal and diary programs and apps out there to stimulate this kind of activity and that’s great. Just find a way to record your thoughts and experiences for yourself and posterity. Then call it whatever you want – your journal or your diary. The name is not important.

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Ancestry non-tech.com

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

The other day my mom, my granddaughter, and I went to the store and the cashier commented on how much we look alike. (Those of you who really know us, will get the laugh about that.) “Undeniably family,” she said, “Mother, daughter, granddaughter.” When my granddaughter explained that we were her grandmother and great grandmother the cashier was surprised. That kind of thing has happened to me all my life. According to most of the people I know, I have been exceptionally blessed to know all of my grandparents and great grandparents. In fact, two of my great grandparents were still alive when I got married.

In addition to that blessing, I also have written information about my ancestry. I’m not sure where this written document started, but I received it from one of my grandfather’s sisters. It tells of the two brothers who were slaves sold away from each other and how one of them moved to freedom and eventually settled in Tennessee. It list all the brothers and sisters for four generations including my grandfathers sisters and brothers. I have this non-tech document to pass down to my children and my grandchildren.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the services that are offered through technology where you can trace your ancestry back to its beginnings, but to have a family handwritten document which includes some personal notes and details beyond names and dates is priceless. I’ve decided to keep this tradition of passing down family information going. I have added pages from my great grandmother’s and grandmother’s bibles along with first hand stories that I heard or was told by them.

Even if you can’t go back that far you can start with what you know. You can start with your own childhood. You can add family photos and interview the oldest members of your family to start a new tradition of documenting your family legacy. There are also some pretty nifty books (see below)out there that you can purchase to help you get started with this kind of activity, but you don’t have to spend a lot of money to make this happen.

Unfortunately, we live in an age where personal contact and family ties are challenged by time and space. Many families are spread all over the U.S. and abroad, so annual get-togethers and holiday gatherings don’t happen as often as they once did. Our generation was close knit. We were held together by the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family, as well as what we used to call the “home” house. Now, there are younger generations who don’t know their relatives beyond their siblings and relatives who live in the same community. Yet, we can still tie all the generations together by providing non-tech ancestry information. I personally believe it fulfills that longing that we all seem to have – where did I come from and who am I really?

I have no doubt that my granddaughter will find a way to turn some of this into a technological wonder in the Cloud, but I also know she will treasure our family documents forever. I hope she will pass them on to her children and grandchildren one day.

Are you capturing your family legacy in some way? Do you have photo or written documentation? Share with our community the ways you are passing down your family history.

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Are family traditions dying?

~ boydwilsonpat ~ 1 Comment

Family traditions will soon disappear if we allow the family stories to die with our generation. I was watching a commercial where it shows this woman reminiscing over baking with her mom early one Christmas morning because she wake up so early. Her mother taught her to make a breakfast strudel. While she’s remembering this her own little boy comes toddling into the kitchen, so she takes him into the kitchen to relive her childhood memory. This is how traditions begin.

The problem is we stop sharing how our traditions started. We rarely have times when we sit around the table or in front of the fire and remember when . . .

In my family we have these discussions over ice cream and cake or popcorn and hot chocolate. Everyone has a different version of the time we had barbecue instead of turkey for Thanksgiving, or when my boys (now grown men with children of their own) saw their first snow when we went to Ohio for Christmas. We also have an abundance of family ghost stories that we share with each new generation. This is also a great time to drag out the family picture albums. These times of sharing are multi-generational; including the great grands, grands, parents, children, everyone.

Baking cookies is a great time to share. Cookouts is another great time to share. Why do you make the sauce the way you do? Why is there a children’s table? Why is there an extra plate on the table at Christmas? Why are there rocking chairs under the big tree? Family stories about our traditions paint a picture of who we are as a family. These fond memories allow us to appreciate every generations contribution to our family. These times of sharing will also allow others to add to the traditions, adapting them to modern times. Traditions won’t die; they will grow and be carried into the next generation attached to a new and growing story.

Family traditions are tied to family stories and we shouldn’t let them die. Do you remember a story that has caused you to do a particular thing a particular way in your family? Sit down and share it with your children and their children the next time you are all together. You may be surprised at how much interest and fun it will produce in the life of your family.

Stories for our children

~ boydwilsonpat ~ Leave a comment

Do you ever think about the things you want to share with you children? Or the things you wish you had shared before they grew up moved away and had children of their own? I’ve been thinking about this for some time now. I have two sets of grandchildren. One group that spent most of their growing up years with me and the other whom I nearly know. I did n’t know what the future holds but for now it seems like I may not get to know the second set as well as I got to know the first, but I want them to know me. I want them to know their heritage. I want them to know the family stories, the times of great laughter and the time of great sorrow. I want them to know about the love that has flowed from one generation to another and flows in them too. So how am I going to accomplish this? Well, certainly the books I’ve written will be available to them, but I am aiming for something more personal. So I’m thinking of writing letters to each of them in the form of a journal. I’ll include stories about their parents, about me, about my parents, and my grandparents. I can tell them about pets and trips and holidays and birthdays. I can tell them about my faith and my hopes. In a perfect world I may get to read it to them or with them, but for now I’m thinking of sending it to them or leaving it for them. When I’m gone or just far away they will have a part of their family history and the our stories available to them. There are so many purposes for journaling and this is one that I can’t pass up. How will you pass on your family stories for the next generation? It’s important that we don’t let our stories die!